CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I think the problem is that people are flakey now-a-days and if everything is not 100% perfect (in their eyes) they won't put any effort into it. We're living in a world of instant gratification. Everyone wants it NOW...and that doesn't make for relationships that will last the time. If you're not willing to work at it to some degree, well, don't expect much either.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Yeah, I've certainly been there. Its so random, almost like you saw something that wasnt there. But like Ive been told time and time again, thats dating, right? It is. And I think dating would be much easier if people didn't freak out over a little flirting. But that's just me. She was just flirting and trying to confirm his interest. I think the problem is that people are flakey now-a-days and if everything is not 100% perfect (in their eyes) they won't put any effort into it. We're living in a world of instant gratification. Everyone wants it NOW...and that doesn't make for relationships that will last the time. If you're not willing to work at it to some degree, well, don't expect much either. I don't think she was looking for instant gratification though. And you can look at the bolded in another way.. If you're not willing to show the other person some interest, don't expect a second date. Words mean little these days, actions speak louder.
BCCA Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 It is. And I think dating would be much easier if people didn't freak out over a little flirting. But that's just me. She was just flirting and trying to confirm his interest. I would be stoked if I got a text like that. She basically said 'kiss me', what guy wouldnt want a comment that direct? It would make me excited for our next date, where I would make my move I think CaliGuy was talking about dating in gerenal, not this specific situation, and I agree.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 That is where she went wrong:rolleyes: Who does she think she is to be telling him what he should have done? She doesn't even know him that well. And how would that be any different if a man were to make a move on a girl, like giving her a kiss?
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 cause it makes her look a little too pushy, and she may be making too big a deal out of something.. they have barely dated. you don't go telling someone what they should and should not have done, especially at first lol I feel bad for who you date, they'd flirt and you'd tell them where to go. Honestly, you go around arguing with all my posts - I think that's all your trying to do here. Have a good day
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I never said I would tell someone where to go if they flirted with me. Where did you come to that conclusion? I was speaking in terms of the first couple of dates. I wasn't going out of my way to argue-if that's what you want to call it, with your posts. Its obvious, if someone doesn't agree with you, you put up this very defensive, unappealing attitude. While you may feel bad for who has to date me, the feeling is mutual. The girl was flirty with OP - and you said she had no right to say what she did, that is where I came to that conclusion. Everyone flirts in different ways. She is more assertive with her flirting. If it's not something you like, then don't date that type of person, but don't come down on them for who they are. And I don't get defensive when someone disagrees with me. I don't care for posters who make comments like "I think Dreamer is weird" blah blah blah (in another thread).
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 WTF?! This is why I don't date much. Are there any sane people out there? I meant that was rude of her to tell him what he should have done being that was only the first or second date. I wasn't coming down on them, I was just agreeing with the OP that she does sound "pissy". And its clear others do too. And I have no clue what you are talking about. I'm sorry someone said you were weird, but don't take it out on others. I thought it was you, if not, then I apologize, that's my bad. But I still don't think it was rude, I think it was her way of flirting. And it is also clear that others agree, read all the replies.
BCCA Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I thought it was you, if not, then I apologize, that's my bad. But I still don't think it was rude, I think it was her way of flirting. And it is also clear that others agree, read all the replies. For the life of me, I cant see what the problem is. I dont know what guy wouldnt want a 'green light' before a second date, there are times I would have KILLED for that. She was being flirty, and at the same time, letting him know she liked him and he could proceed. This is what bothers me about gender relations, guys say they want someone to be direct (and I do), and then they are, and youre calling her 'pissy'? Unbelievable. She wasnt rude in any way, everyone Ive asked at work said that would be great.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 For the life of me, I cant see what the problem is. I dont know what guy wouldnt want a 'green light' before a second date, there are times I would have KILLED for that. She was being flirty, and at the same time, letting him know she liked him and he could proceed. This is what bothers me about gender relations, guys say they want someone to be direct (and I do), and then they are, and youre calling her 'pissy'? Unbelievable. She wasnt rude in any way, everyone Ive asked at work said that would be great. That's what I'm saying. I think it's great to be able to be straight forward. And I think being able to do this would make the second date a lot easier, plus letting OP know that she is in fact interested. This kills any confusion on "should I kiss her, hold her hand, ect ect."
Isolde Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't think most guys would have a problem with a suggestion she would have liked a kiss or whatever it is she did want (even though... IMO... that's kinda too direct for the first date). I think her wording was a bit harsh or blunt and as others have mentioned, texting doesn't capture nuance. And, we just don't know enough about the interaction between OP and this girl. I think the first date is too soon to make judgments about what should or shouldn't be done, and I think that's what some of the guys on here are trying to say. So I don't see what there is to argue about.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I best make that eye appointment. I must have read the entire thread wrong. It sounds like the girl was calling him out for not making a move that she wanted, and it was ONLY the first or second date? Alrighty then. There were a few others that didn't exactly agree either, by the way. So you think I'm the person that called you a name, just because I am one of the few that disagrees in this thread? Wow. I take it you do an awful lot of flirting on the first or second dates, which would explain your reasoning. That of course is fine.... No, I honestly was mistaken and thought it was you, not because you disagreed - and I apologized for the mistake. Maybe you do need glasses if you could see that in my last post about it. And I did say, if I liked the guy, I'll give him a hug or a kiss depending on the date, at the end. I don't see an issue with making it known that one is interested. It makes for a lot less mind games. And it's a forum, I don't expect everyone to agree or disagree. It's a place to discuss opinions.
Kamille Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 This post begs the question... Could this whole misunderstanding been avoided had she only made sure to include a few smilies? Here is my take on the text: [Had a great time tonight] You know you should have made a move ;) just a suggestion next time :bunny: And to those who say she was being pushy... She does nuance it by saying she was making a "suggestion". Seriously, I side with the flirty camp people. Why else would she mention a next time?
Kamille Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Are you forgetting the OP was the one to question if she was being "pissy". If she informed him in that way, I don't think he would be wondering if she was being a B. Exactly my point. I believe this whole misunderstanding could have been avoided with a few smilies. Now we are left to wander in the dark about exactly what she could have meant! I mean, could she possibly be saying that he should have made a move because she really liked him and wanted to kiss him? Or was she simply being an over-critical person taking time out of her day to critique the OP's dating etiquette? A smilie or two would have cleared everything up. Here is take two ":mad:you know you should have really made a move ." And then she implies its a suggestion for the next time he is out on a date with somebody else.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Grrr..Do you not understand that I was referring to the girls choice of wording? She said "you know,you really should have made a move....". If you actually bothered to read what I posted, I said that was the issue or where she went wrong-it was rude. That is where you started jumping on me for what I said. I'm not saying that all flirting period is not appropriate. On the first date or so, no need to call someone out for what they should or should not have done. In this case, what she said was a little uncalled for. There are far better ways to let someone know you are interested or wished they had done something-such as a kiss, rather than making some remark as the girl did to the OP. Hopefully this is more understandable. You just sound bitter. She said she was making a suggestion. Suggestions are often flirty. Get over it. Not everyone is going to use the same way to flirt. People's flirting styles develop over time - and change with the different types of people they date, as everyone likes different things.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 What right do you have to call names? I think you must flirt with every guy that comes along-would explain your odd behavior regarding this thread. The reason I think it was inappropriate what the girl said was, I've seen this happen before. Its a turn off. Like the OP said, he was thinking of not contacting her again because of how she acted. If you wish to do the same, feel free. Good luck though.... Yeah, you do need your eyes checked, I didn't call you a name. And I have standards, I don't flirty with just anyone. And it's a turn off to you - maybe the OP but obviously not everyone.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 You accused me of being bitter-to me that is name calling, when I believe I made an excellent point. I also mentioned that I wasn't saying something was wrong with flirting-so wasn't completely disagreeing with you. Its just the way the girl went about approaching the issue to the OP. Did I say you flirted with just anyone? Seems like you have something bothering you...and not sure why I keep debating with you. You seem quite hostile, but no worries...... Nope, I'm quite happy Thanks!
Rebellious Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Got coffee with some girl I met online, she asked me to go out a few days later. It rained horribly, but it went well enough considering the weather. Anyway, I get a text right after saying "you know really should have made a move, just a suggestion next time". Am I too conservative, but is that a bit too pissy this soon? Personally I think PDAs/hugs etc can wait until a bit later. I like a friends first approach for the first date(second if you count having coffee as a date the first time we met.) Frankly I'd feel peeved being touched/armed by a stranger I only knew for a few hours, but maybe I'm wierd. Not sure if she's pissed and kind'a don't want to contact her now. I mean I can understand wanting a bit of affection on the first/second date, but I wouldn't call someone out on it that soon, esp. via a pissy text message, so that was a bit of a turn off for me. Thoughts? If a girl told me that, I would assume she's joking and not pissy. Sounds like you misinterpret her sense of humor.
silverfish Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 or maybe you wanted to misinterpret it because you weren't that interested in her - ; 'some girl'?
Author datingsucks Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 or maybe you wanted to misinterpret it because you weren't that interested in her - ; 'some girl'? No see, because if that were the case, I wouldn't have posted this would I?
dreamergrl Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 No see, because if that were the case, I wouldn't have posted this would I? Well you could be looking for validation for not seeing her again.
Kamille Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 We didn't hear the girls tone, so we don't know if she was upset or not in what she said, but according the OP-it sounds like it. Does not compute that she was upset. If she were, why would she suggest a next time? I just can't imagine myself, after a first date, getting upset because a guy didn't kiss me, especially if I really wanted him to kiss me. If I want a guy to kiss me, that means I dig him. That means I'm not likely to get mad and upset. I really think she wanted to be flirtatious and she thought this was a cut way to let him know that she was into him. But good point Rebellious. Datingsucks, maybe your sense of humors are just not compatible. How were things on the date? Did the two of you laugh a lot?
Author datingsucks Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Well you could be looking for validation for not seeing her again. Someone not interested doesn't need validation...I mean it's just so easy for anyone to drop a date on a dime. I actually wanted this to work, she seemed nice from the little time we hung out and was excited. I really don't have common date/relationship values, so it's hard finding good advice. I just hate the idea of people treating date/love as a contract with all or nothing expectations. And again, reason I'm leaning towards her being miffed at the date is again, I've been told I'm not affectionate before early on despite carrying a conversation well enough. How'd this thread get hijacked so quickly.
Author datingsucks Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Does not compute that she was upset. If she were, why would she suggest a next time? I just can't imagine myself, after a first date, getting upset because a guy didn't kiss me, especially if I really wanted him to kiss me. If I want a guy to kiss me, that means I dig him. That means I'm not likely to get mad and upset. I really think she wanted to be flirtatious and she thought this was a cut way to let him know that she was into him. But good point Rebellious. Datingsucks, maybe your sense of humors are just not compatible. How were things on the date? Did the two of you laugh a lot? Conversation was good, both contributing equally to each topic seemed to me. Don't think that was the problem.
silverfish Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I can't see how it got hijacked, you just got a lot of replies and different points of view, which is a good thing if that's what you were looking for. What was positive about the date? Never mind that text. You havent really said what happened other than you drank coffee and it rained... If you don't mind me saying so, you come across a little negative...as some of the posters have said that text would have made them smile. Have you replied yet?
Kamille Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Conversation was good, both contributing equally to each topic seemed to me. Don't think that was the problem. Are you sure there was even a problem? I mean, the majority here think she was greenlighting you for a kiss on a second date. Sounds like it was a smashing hit to me. No, what I was wondering is if you feel you two shared the same sense of humour? While on the date, did she make you laugh? Did she try to crack jokes, impress you with her sense of humour? Did she tease you a little, much the same way she did in that text?
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