aboynamedmike Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 So I just went to grab some coffee with my ex and boy, I think it's gonna be a hell of a lot easier for me to move on now. I broke up with her at the end of June because I wsn't happy right then, and I needed my space. I told her to not contact me, but she did, and I made the mistake of replying, therefore keeping contact. anyway, today she asked me if I have been dating/have kissed anyone. I told her no way, I can't even imagine doing that right now. It was hard enough to break up with someone you had feelings for, but it just wasn't working out. I asked her likewise, and she's been on a few dates and made out with a few guys. I was somewhat surprised because the whole summer she kept acting like I meant so much to her, but she was out getting drunk and makin out with guys. I've lost alot of respect for her, but its going to be much easier to move on knowing that it's really over.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Wow, she sounds very spiteful and vindictive for saying that. What a low blow. Maybe someone should remind her that revenge only ever hurts the person inflicting it. But alas, you deserved it for going out with her for coffee.
PinkToes Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Wait, you broke up with her, and now you're upset with her because of the way she chose to deal with getting dumped? Did I miss something?
Beeotch Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Wait, you broke up with her, and now you're upset with her because of the way she chose to deal with getting dumped? Did I miss something? Ditto...what did he expect her to do???? I'm confused too...YOU break up with someone and ask them to leave you alone and are mad that they tried to move on???? Anyway for anyone else, when my ex and I split I went on a date and I had sex with someone else. It had NO BEARINGS on how I felt about him. I still love him but I was trying to move on....and I was hurt and wanted "comfort". I have no emotional attachment to them and it meant nothing. Life is not black and white people...it really isn't.
Goatsbreath Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Wow, she sounds very spiteful and vindictive for saying that. What a low blow. Maybe someone should remind her that revenge only ever hurts the person inflicting it. Yeah, how is that spiteful or vindictive. The girl was dumped and told not to make contact. Its normal to want to try and forget the person that is hurting you by seeking something new. It might not be a healthy relationship but it sure as hell don't make her a bad person. If you just got dumped and were approached by a attractive member of the opposite sex wouldn't you reciprocate....of course you would. But to Original Poser: You might consider she is telling you this to spark some jealously and see how you react. wouldn't be unheard of
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I agree with every one else you dumped her she moved on thats not spiteful or vindictive. I don't understand why you would lose respect for her? who cares if she was drunk thats her business I think you really wanted her back and are offended she didn't pine for you instead she moved on good for her I say..
writergal Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I think it was a mistake for you to meet your ex for coffee. What expectations did you have? After all you dumped her. How can you lose respect for this woman when you made it clear that you didn't want to be with her any longer? I think she reacted in a completely normal way. I know that when my ex broke up with me, I had no problem jumping back into the dating scene to try and forget him and heal by dating again. He did the same thing, going back on match.com. And while I still have love for him and always will, he doesn't want to be with me despite my best efforts to get him back. I think you're being unfair and judgmental towards your ex-gf right now. Why did you need to meet her for coffee to get over your decision to break up with her? To spite her? To show her that you're better than her because you're not dating anyone else? Just because you haven't kissed another woman since you brokeup with your gf, doesn't mean you've moved on and she hasn't. For all you know, she's heartbroken and reeling with sadness and guilt over making out with other men since you dumped her. But she's doing it to find her bearings again; to move on from you so she can heal emotionally. Is it the best choice? Well, counseling and talking to friends is a better alternative but dating other people in the rebound stage is completely normal. Its human nature. Nothing vindictive or disrespectful about it. If you want her back then you need to be honest with her that you made a mistake. Otherwise, leave your ex-gf alone now. If you keep in contact with her, with no intention of getting back together you're just torturing yourself and her as well.
Author aboynamedmike Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 If you want her back then you need to be honest with her that you made a mistake. Otherwise, leave your ex-gf alone now. If you keep in contact with her, with no intention of getting back together you're just torturing yourself and her as well. I know that I have no right to judge her on how she decides to move on. It's the fact that she kept stringing me along this summer. I wanted no contact, but she never gave it to me, and I fell for it everytime she would contact me. You guys are telling me that getting dumped, keeping in contact with the ex with the hope of maybe working things out, and then hooking up with other people in the mean time is ok? It just makes me so confused. I took this summer to seriously think about this and I was going against my gut feelings all the time, so I decided to just f*ck it, go with your heart. I was going to give it another try, but now I'm not so sure. Can you blame me? The worst thing is that I can't just leave her alone. We go to the same school, same friends, do the same things, so I'm going to be seeing her all the time. If this wasn't the case, I would hve no problem leaving her alone, but I feel like I have to somehow make this work for both of our sakes. My plan right now: Don't talk to her unless I see her somewhere. Be polite and civil, don't ignore her and get upset. Maybe feelings will fade and we can be friends eventually. I appreciate the responses guys.
PinkToes Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 You guys are telling me that getting dumped, keeping in contact with the ex with the hope of maybe working things out, and then hooking up with other people in the mean time is ok? It just makes me so confused. I understand your confusion. But what made you think she was keeping in contact with the hope of maybe working things out? And did you ever tell her that you were considering giving it another go? If neither of you said anything about what you wanted to happen next, you have to assume that your breaking up with her was final, and she had no choice but to move on (in her own way).
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