Callisto Posted November 18, 2003 Posted November 18, 2003 Ugh, I am so mad! Last night when my BF ( of 3 years) got home from work (we live together), I went to kiss him and he refused saying he didn't have time! He was milling around the house, cleaning up the garage a bit and so forth... as I was getting dressed and went to work. The night was slow so I left work early. I went home and he was sitting on the couch, so I sat with him. I snuggled up to him and he pushed me away. So I was upset and sat on MY side of the couch while he sat at HIS. Mind you, we had NOT had a fight that day. He made some Mac n Cheeze for dinner and gave me a little (I am not a huge fan of Mac n Cheese). I tried to kiss him, but he pushed me a way saying he didn't feel like it right now. Sometimes he just gets into these moods where it seems he doesn't to be around me. I have tried to talk to him about it, but all he says is that sometimes he doesn't feel like kissing me. This hurts me more than he can imagine, but it seems like he doesn't care. The the next day he's the sweetest guy in the world. What is up with that???
sinking Posted November 18, 2003 Posted November 18, 2003 Hi! I'd like to say "give him a MIDOL", but ....I am not sure it would help the situation. I am sorry he hurt you in such a manner. Take your feelings out of it for a minute (even though they are VERY, VERY important) overall). Is there something wrong, that he is not telling you? Is there a new stress, job, financial problem? To hit the nail on the head, don't retaliate with the same behavior the next day. Poignantly, ask him if he is aware of how his actions made you feel? Ask him how it would feel if you behaved in the same manner? Don't nagg, just ask directly. Insist on a sincere apology! Ask if there is anything that needs to be discussed and if so, let him speak, you listen. That is maybe a start! There may really be something that needs to be aired out between the two of you! Does this happen regularly?
Author Callisto Posted November 18, 2003 Author Posted November 18, 2003 It happens now and then. I do ask him if anythings wrong and he'll say, "Did I say anything was wrong?" He and I both have a lot of stress (we work 2 jobs), so I know it's nothing out of the norm.
lostforwords Posted November 18, 2003 Posted November 18, 2003 I would say the way he is treating you should be little red flags going up..... sounds to me like he is avoiding talking to you about whats really going on.... so what better way to deal with it than to push you away and treat you like crap..... hes definately avoiding something..... talk to him and see if you can get it out of him.... but quite honestly to me.... it sounds as though he doesnt know or want to tell you something VERY important. Sadly enough, some men will treat you like crap and avoid the issue until a major blow up or until you make a decision of enough is enough.
monkey00 Posted November 18, 2003 Posted November 18, 2003 i think the problem is that he was really stressed and pounded by work, and wasn't in the mood for it at all!! there are times when individuals feel like that too, get home from school/work, get your stuff done and sleep and wake up the next morning ready again. dont worry it's just one of those days when we get grumpy......make him get IN the mood during his days off hehe
sinking Posted November 19, 2003 Posted November 19, 2003 Hi Callisto, I stepped away from this one after your reply, becasue I had to sit and reflect. First, you know him better than anyone of us. So, the action is up to you. Take this in consideration though, yes, stress via a job is hard and there are good days and bad. But, you are working also right? YES! If a bad day is the justification for his demeanor, then there is a way to let you know that without hurting or rejecting you. Maybe.......something like"hey honey, I appreciate the effort for a kiss, but I really did have a long day and I just want o chill out. It is not you,so please understand." To me an explanation or so of that type is simple to understand and respect. It takes him off the hook and it gives you reassurance that it is not "YOU" that is the stem of the problem. Based on your words and the feelings for him, I 'd imagine you would give him the same explanation in return when a bad work day has left you tuckered out. To add, discussing with him that "hey, sweetheart.....did you know that I really can understand that you are tired, all you have to do is let me know and I will gladly give you the space you require. But, please don't shun me away as if I am the cause of the problem. If I am, then by all means please let me know what I can do to make the situation better or how we can work to a compromise. " Again, only a suggestion. But , PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...don't let him get away with making you feel as if you are subservant to his mood swings. We are all indiviidually responsible for our own actions and words. It is not to be tolerated (BY YOU) to allow him to keep up this behavior. Take the action you need to fix it and fix it NOW!!! Sinking
Recommended Posts