stay or go?

[RouRou]

Stephanie: Real nice...

Stephanie: That's really classy. Makes me feel very comfortable knowing you are in there looking at sluts on the internet.

Stephanie: What is wrong with you? You should care about what this is doing to us.....

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): No I shouldn't

Stephanie: Yes you should...this is ruining us.

Stephanie: Its sad. You should have cared enough about us...someday I won't be here and I think you will miss me and see what this did.

Stephanie: We could have been something great.

Stephanie: Like I trusted that you would have been great to me, care about me and love me and you just did to me what everyone else did to you.

Stephanie: PING!!!

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): I won't miss a thing

David B): You don't come between a guy and porn

David B): All you keep doing is insulting me when I'm just being a guy.

David B): You need to sort out your insecurity and when you put other people including myself down it just makes my disgust for females that much greater

David B): Porn. Has nothing at all to do with my attractiveness to you

David B): You can't like me for being me when we first starting dating I watched porn probably more than I do now and by you constantly nagging and putting me down about it has turned me off of you

David B): The woman I look at in porn don't care if I only see them as a piece of meat

David B): They don't bitch and complain they don't give a **** about anything

David B): They don't make me feel like an ass for being human

David B): I like porn there is no shame and no woman will ever twist my mind

David B): If you don't like it you have to go find yourself a puppet to be the master because I don't give a ****

Stephanie: Ok, I understand that...yes it makes me very insecure...why wouldn't it? No woman would be happy that you oggle other womans/girls naked body...

Stephanie: How would that make someone feel secure?

Stephanie: No significant other wants to know that their significant other does that? Why would I be happy knowing that you get off to other women?

David B): Its about being secure in the first place

David B): Who cares if you get off to pics of dudes I would be happy for you

David B): You'd be normal

David B): You look at porn. Do I think your cheating no

David B): Do I think you want them more no

David B): Its all nonsense

David B): For you to think you are the only girl I'm going to look at for the rest of my life is nonsense

David B): And it goes bothways

David B): But I just don't give a **** because I use my brain instead of feelings to understand that its totally non threatning

David B): When it gets to the threatning point you take action. Not bitch for no reason.

Stephanie: If I was on my period and didn't want to give you any, or I was not in the mood...sure, get off to porn, in that sense I would not care. But you never touch me, you never tell me I'm wanted. You never want me physically...so therefore it makes me insecure. If I felt wanted by you like I did when we first started going out then this wouldn't be an issue. I know that there will always be other attractive people and both of us will look and get off from time to time but its about making the one that matters know that they matter and are attractive.

David B): And especially trying to diagnose me with all of these severe disorders. I was depressed once in my life and spent weeks in a hospital doing tests for every type of disorder out there. I'm perfectly normal so don't throw out stupid accusations

David B): I'm me. I'm normal you have to deal with it or leave

David B): I don't feel that for you anymore. After you snooped the first time you fell off the pedestal and into the typical psycho woman group

David B): I lost almost all attraction

David B): I still love you and care about you but its not much

David B): You say if I could just not look at porn we would be fine. I think if you could just not bitch about it we would be fine

Stephanie: I would not bitch about it if I felt loved and cared for and wanted. I have not felt those things at all so I blame porn.

David B): Yes porn made me not love you

David B): I think the microwave had something to do with it also

Stephanie: When we first started going out you treated me AMAzing, I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. I could have cared less about porn. I remember looking at a sex catalog with you and there were sexy chicks in lingerie. I didn't feel like you were more attracted to them than me, but you have not done that to me in a very long time. I'm secure with me. I think I'm hot. I'm fashionable, I have confidence, but since you look at porn often and neglect me things have changed, which is why I blame porn.

David B): I'm telling you it has nothing to do with it

David B): You're not any more special than the next blood sucking Leach of a woman. I hate woman they are repulsive creatures.

David B): I thougt at first you were different

Stephanie: I bitch because you don't care and I do and it frustrates me. I just want you to love and care for me and show me that I'm wanted.

David B): When I realized they are all the same some just have better poker faces.

David B): That will never happen

David B): If that's what you want you need to find someone else

Stephanie: I am not like other women. Other women bitch about porn and other chicks because they have no confidence. I do have confidence in my appearance. I bitch because you don't show me that you love Me, you don't make me feel wanted. If I felt those Things from you and was shown that porn has nothing to do with it then I would care less about it.

Stephanie: I know you and I will always look at others. We are human but it shouldn't be to the point where it makes someone question things. If I felt loved and wanted, I wouldn't give a **** because I would know that at the end of the day you love me and find me attractive.

Stephanie: PING!!!

Stephanie: PING!!!

Stephanie: You say you lost attraction to me after the first time I snooped but there were too many questions when we first got together with your ex and I felt I had to snoop. I didn't know if I could trust you. After I did that you changed which is why I continued to snoop. I didn't understand why you couldn't understand my intentions and reason as to why I did it.

Stephanie: I'm not like other women. I hate that you put me into that category. Other women snoop because they have no confidence, I snooped because I was given reason and doubt. Unfortunately, kaitlyn started it and I didn't know you enough to trust your word. Then when you changed because of your anger towards me I felt there was something not right. I had to protect myself.

Stephanie: I bitch because I hate what we have become. I miss the way we were. I miss the way you made me feel. I get so frustrated with the way things have become that I don't know how to express it without bitching.

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): If you can invade my privacy because you feel you need to then I can kill someone because I feel I need to

David B): Its the same thing I don't give a **** why you do it

Stephanie: Those are two different things...

Its important that you knew why I did it. I felt like I was unsure if I could trust you...I still don't know. I want to trust you.

David B): Its all over with anyway. We went over these things its done

Stephanie: My point is I was given doubt, so I had to know. Other women just have doubt for no reason.

David B): It doesn't matter

David B): Its over

Stephanie: It does matter.

Stephanie: You need to know that I am not like other women.

Stephanie: I am not evil. Or a Leach. I felt threatened.

Stephanie: Other women do it simply to be a bitch.

Stephanie: That was not my intention.

David B): It doesn't matter

Stephanie: Well my integrity is important to me.

Stephanie: I am a good person and do not do things to hurt people

Stephanie: Or be a bitch. So yeah it does matter to me.

Stephanie: I don't want us to be like this. I don't feel the way I used to about you anymore, part of me still loves you and cares but another part of me feels nothing. I don't want to give up. I want to love you again someday.

Stephanie: I just want to feel loved and wanted by you...I understand why you don't but I hope that you can look deeper at the person that I am and know that I did not do those things just to be a bitch and I want to look at what you did and understand why. I want what we once had. I really miss that. I miss you.

David B): Won't happen

Stephanie: Don't you miss what we once had?

Stephanie: We were once so amazing...

David B): Yeah but it won't go back

Stephanie: Obviously we are both still holding on that to some extent. I believe that we both feel different about each other now...but we are still here with each other.

David B): Yeah

Stephanie: Clearly we both still want it to happen, otherwise we would be gone. Otherwise we wouldn't be dealing with each other.

Stephanie: Do you agree?

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): No

Stephanie: I'm willing to look past things you have done and your faults and forgive you...why won't you do that for me?

Stephanie: I don't give up on things in life and I don't want to give up on us. Its true I don't feel what I once did but I want to someday

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): Its not worth trying

Stephanie: But what we had was so great, I want that again and I feel because how great it was that it is worth it.

Stephanie: I'm not saying I'm gonna be madly in love with you tomorrow or even a month from now but someday I think we could have that again?

David B): I can't do it

Stephanie: Why?

David B): Dunno

Stephanie: Why can't we take things slow and see what happen?

Stephanie: Like start over? Fresh?

David B): I dunno y it won't happen

Stephanie: I'm not asking why it won't happen....I think we should not completly throw this away...

David B): Ya

Stephanie: Ya?

Stephanie: I think we both want what we once had and not entirly Willing to throw it away or else we wouldn't be here...not just our financial situation is keeping us here...

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): I dunno too much work

Stephanie: Ok

[Thomas X Forever]

Wow, I think I got cancer from reading that.

 

You are Stephenie I presume? Well, he mentions how you aren't qualified to throw disorders around.

 

Well I am, and you're both honestly insane. I say this with much sympathy.

 

Please, both of you, please seek therapy.

[RouRou]

ugh, i hate people that don't explain why...Back it up doc.

[Thomas X Forever]

On whose behalf?

 

You, you snooped, and he's right, it really isn't justified. If you needed to snoop because of a lack of trust, you shouldn't have been in a relationship with him. It's that simple. All these excuses and faulty reasoning is just useless banter.

 

And look at his replies. The fact you're trying to hold on and convince him is just sad. HE isn't even giving you a BREAD crumb to bite on. What do you see that you won't give up?

 

And as for him, I've read your other topics about anger issues, abuse, etc.

 

If you really need me to diagnose you or him so that you'll open your eyes, then give me a background of both your lives and I'll be happy to oblige. But really, just reread that conversation. You're both truly sad in your own rights.

 

Never speak to him again, and take your life back.

[deux ex machina]

This part is the only part that matters:

 

...Stephanie: Obviously we are both still holding on that to some extent. I believe that we both feel different about each other now...but we are still here with each other.

 

David B): Yeah

 

Stephanie: Clearly we both still want it to happen, otherwise we would be gone. Otherwise we wouldn't be dealing with each other.

 

Stephanie: Do you agree?

 

Stephanie: PING!!!

David B): No

 

Stephanie: I'm willing to look past things you have done and your faults and forgive you...why won't you do that for me?

 

Stephanie: I don't give up on things in life and I don't want to give up on us. Its true I don't feel what I once did but I want to someday

 

Stephanie: PING!!!

 

David B): Its not worth trying

 

Stephanie: But what we had was so great, I want that again and I feel because how great it was that it is worth it.

 

Stephanie: I'm not saying I'm gonna be madly in love with you tomorrow or even a month from now but someday I think we could have that again?

 

David B): I can't do it

 

Stephanie: Why?

 

David B): Dunno

 

Stephanie: Why can't we take things slow and see what happen?

 

Stephanie: Like start over? Fresh?

 

David B): I dunno y it won't happen

 

Stephanie: I'm not asking why it won't happen....I think we should not completly throw this away...

 

David B): Ya

Stephanie: Ya?

 

Stephanie: I think we both want what we once had and not entirly Willing to throw it away or else we wouldn't be here...not just our financial situation is keeping us here...

 

Stephanie: PING!!!

 

David B): I dunno too much work

 

Stephanie: Ok

 

 

I don't think you can argue for respect.

[RouRou]

I guess I have a hard time giving up because we do live together and after every fight he calms down and loves me again and is sweet to me again. Right now I'm terribly sad but tomorrow the cycle will start...I will accept that we are no longer together, keep my distance, do my things and then he starts being sweet to me again, cuddling, doing things for me...its always the same.

 

A fight will happen and he will lose his temper, say mean things, break up with me and it just continues this way. I know this is not healthy and I know i banter, and try to convince him...i just want him to see how much he hurts me and stop. I always fail at this during the fight but like i said once the cycle starts and he starts being nice he changes.

 

When i close my eyes and think of what a real relationship and love is...i know this isnt it, but I hold on to what we once had. I know I have lost a lot of myself since things have started to go bad, I dunno, now im rambling. plain and simple, I just want what we once had because it was really amazing and we were so in love.

[Thomas X Forever]

Ok, I'm going to get serious.

 

Tell me his history. How old is he, what's his relationship with his parents, what are their relationship with each other? Why do you feel he has these anger issues?

 

And please answer the same questions in regards to you. (Minus the anger question).

 

If you don't get out of this relationship then you just simply won't ever be happy. And neither will he. What I need to understand is why he is so cruel, demeaning, distant, and then you say he jumps back into love mode again. This just isn't adding up. This relationship is the definition of destructive.

[RouRou]

This part is the only part that matters:

 

 

 

 

I don't think you can argue for respect.

 

I know you are right, I just posted to the last person that I am holding on to what we once had...Im confused. Tomorrow he will be different. Its tearing me. I have a hard time not forgiving.

[deux ex machina]

I know you are right, I just posted to the last person that I am holding on to what we once had...Im confused. Tomorrow he will be different. Its tearing me. I have a hard time not forgiving.

 

*hugs* sweetie, it'll get better. You'll get past this.

 

 

 

I guess I have a hard time giving up because we do live together and after every fight he calms down and loves me again and is sweet to me again. Right now I'm terribly sad but tomorrow the cycle will start...I will accept that we are no longer together, keep my distance, do my things and then he starts being sweet to me again, cuddling, doing things for me...its always the same.

 

A fight will happen and he will lose his temper, say mean things, break up with me and it just continues this way. I know this is not healthy and I know i banter, and try to convince him...i just want him to see how much he hurts me and stop. I always fail at this during the fight but like i said once the cycle starts and he starts being nice he changes.

 

When i close my eyes and think of what a real relationship and love is...i know this isnt it, but I hold on to what we once had. I know I have lost a lot of myself since things have started to go bad, I dunno, now im rambling. plain and simple, I just want what we once had because it was really amazing and we were so in love.

 

 

Almost like he "trained" you with his random push-pull and it made you into something you are not.

 

You really don't need this kind of torture.

[RouRou]

Ok, I'm going to get serious.

 

Tell me his history. How old is he, what's his relationship with his parents, what are their relationship with each other? Why do you feel he has these anger issues?

 

And please answer the same questions in regards to you. (Minus the anger question).

 

If you don't get out of this relationship then you just simply won't ever be happy. And neither will he. What I need to understand is why he is so cruel, demeaning, distant, and then you say he jumps back into love mode again. This just isn't adding up. This relationship is the definition of destructive.

 

Ok. He is 22, on his own since his late teens, started his own construction company 2 yrs ago. He has never met his father as his mom had him at 19 and his father wanted nothing to do with him or her. She neglected him, he was making his own food at the age of 2. He was always in trouble as a child, quit school in grade 9. He has told me he resents his mother, which is why I assume he has such hatred for women. He doesnt understand why we cry or have emotions.

 

Myself, I am 28, on my own since i was 17. My parents were married till I was 7, divorced. My father is passed away and my mother lives close by. There was much jealousy from my mother towards my relationship with my father and my father regretted not taking me when they split, so he had much guilt. My mother and father did not communicate after they divorced.

 

As quoted I told him I diagnosed him. He gets very angry and disassociates himself, he litteraly feels nothing. He gets quite and cannot function words unless written. He either remains deathy quiet or turns very angry. At any point he can switch and not be angry. Then he loves me again. Another thing I might add that I find odd, is say Im in a bad mood, myself I get quite and keep to myself when in that mood. To make sure I am not mad at him he baby talks me. He sounds like a 5 yr old. Almost like he is trying to be cute so I dont get mad. In reagrds to the original fight...porn...he likes them young...underage for the most part. I know you didnt ask for the additional info but I threw it in there for you.

[RouRou]

*hugs* sweetie, it'll get better. You'll get past this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Almost like he "trained" you with his random push-pull and it made you into something you are not.

 

You really don't need this kind of torture.

 

It is very much a push pull kind of thing going on. Normally I would end this kind of thing, but I know he has had a bad past and I try to look deeper into who he is and understand him. I really am torturing myself as he can only help himself. When he is mad he sees nothing wrong, after he has calmed down he changes and i believe him...

[Thomas X Forever]

Wow, you're dealing with a sociopathic pedophile. Or a narcissistic pedophile. I deduce he truly feels no empathy, judging by the way you have worded him. And the fact you're much older, I would say he chose you on purpose because of your age. This is so he can tell himself that "in reality" he is normal, but his underage pedophillic porn is just a habit on the side that doesn't actually carry any weight. He's overcompensating by getting a 28 year old. Also, he probably seeks underage porn as a means to recapture the childhood he never had.

 

He has much repressed anger towards women because of his mom, yes. He had no father figure growing up either, if I read that right. This has also left him in the dark.

 

Basically, this guy is well beyond your help. He's well beyond the help of licensed psychologists most likely. From the way you've described him... he'd score around a 95 in narcissistic pd or antisocial pd. Anything above a 90 is basically out of reach.

[RouRou]

Wow, you're dealing with a sociopathic pedophile. Or a narcissistic pedophile. I deduce he truly feels no empathy, judging by the way you have worded him.

 

He has much repressed anger towards women because of his mom, yes. He had no father figure growing up either, if I read that right. This has also left him in the dark.

 

Basically, this guy is well beyond your help. He's well beyond the help of licensed psychologists most likely. From the way you've described him... he'd score around a 95 in narcissistic pd or antisocial pd. Anything above a 90 is basically out of reach.

 

 

Well he did have an uncle growing up that he lived with when not with his mom who is a priest. They seem to have a strong bond, however, his uncle will not help him with council as he believes its not right to council family members. His family are aware of his anger but they know that he will just calm down and be ok...They always tell me to give him his space and he will be fine.

 

As for the pedo stuff, its "jailbait" He says he loves porn but hates the way porn stars look "fake" and "used up" He also looks at girls that are 18 or 19...I look very young for my age, he looks much older than me which is why I assume that he was initially attracted to me...

 

I dunno, if you met the guy you would think he was a completly normal nice guy.

 

Everyone has given up on him, I hate to be another one but I dont know what to do. He refuses to get help...sometimes, he admits he has anger and will get help but never does. He then turns the blame to others.

[redhighheels]

The way he talks to you is very disrespecting. "You don't come between a man and his porn"? Hahaha...Ok, dude's got some growing up to do.

 

This whole I-love-you/I-love-you-not cycle is going to wear you down, there's only so much people can put up with. Perhaps it's time you went your own way?

 

Feel free to ignore Thomas, he's talking out of his a*s as usual.

[RouRou]

haha, well he mentioned narcissistic pd and I did some reading and its pretty bang on...

 

You are right, it really is wearing me down....You know when you think "what if"? I hate those...but I do it all the time. If I leave what if he changes...what if he meets someone new and changes for someone new... what if its my fault...what if i stay and miss out on the one whos really meant for me...so many fricken what ifs!!!

 

He is very disrespecting of me when he is mad, when he is calm he treats me so well...This is why i continue to try and get him to understand in hopes he will wake up..........

[redhighheels]

It's a one-size-fit-all type of diagnosis that he throws around, while, of course, being completely oblivious to the fact that he's the biggest narcissist on this board.

 

Anyway, the "what ifs" don't really apply. People rarely change...And if at some point in time he does make the decision to improve some parts of his personality, you won't get to reap the benefits. Your relationship has already been established, the dynamics and roles - that doesn't really change. He isn't going to wake up one day and decide he's going to respect you from now on. And you shouldn't crave his respect. Personally, I think the bad moments always taint the good ones. If after all this time together, this is how he treats you, then good effing riddance, you know?

 

Honestly, you're better off trying your luck with someone else than sitting around and beating this dead horse.