raven1 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Okay here goes. Recently the guy that I have been seeing for 8 months has changed a bit. We have been exclusive and our relationship was intense with me sleeping almost every night for 7 months. He has always ran with a few people and a women for 2 yrs. Recently this women is getting separated and the raised some concern for me and I talked to him about. This set him off and now he wants to go from 5th gear to 3rd gear in our relationship so he can have space. I asked if this meant him dating others and he said no that he was not interested in dating anyone but me. So I agreed. He went out of town for 2 days and when he returned he called saying that he wanted the night to catch up on some stuff at home. Yes I was curious, but we were going away for the weekend the next day. The next morning I went to see him and got a drink then put into the dishwasher and noted two wine glasses and also saw some of our together photos moved, could not find my toothbrush or hair brush. I asked him, are you seeing someone else do you want to see someone...he said no I am not and asked me to knock it off. Over the weekend I saw that he was texting a lot and saw that the runner girl was texting him. So I confronted him again, and he said no nothing was going on. I snooped a bit and found some messages, nothing about miss you or anything, something a to do list they are putting together and they sign off xo. Not sure why he would take me on a family weekend outing if he was going to cheat and I have asked him quite a few times if he wanted to see someone else. Why wouldn't he just break up with me?
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Dump him. You don't trust him, he's being defensive, and obviously lying. Dump him.
fakobako Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 ok, as some people know on this thing, i am a serial cheater. so, i can smell a cheater from a mile away, or in your case, farther. but yes, it is totally obviously that something is going on. moving the photos, ive been guilty of that when i dont want my new guy seeing them. moving their personal belongings, yes for obvious reason. the texting while youre on a trip with him, bad bad news. so, what you need to do is cut the cord before he can. it may be that he hasnt been cheating on you, but he's def hiding something from you. when im cheating, ill sit right next to them and text with my other guy and not even care. but ive never been caught, highly doubt that i ever will. so, your man might be as confidant, so go ahead and beat him, break up with him. if he hasnt fully cheated on you, he will eventually. sucks to say this, but go ahead and leave. and try not to take advice from people that bash cheaters or anything like that. theyre just bitter cause its happened to them. the best advice is from someone who knows the ways of a cheater and can point them out of a crowd easily, and thats your boyfriend. even if it hasnt happened yet, hes on the verge with the moving of photos, belongings and the texting, and the running. moving the phtos shows that he doesnt want her to see him with someone else and have her get scared or question it, but hes not real smart to not put them back. personal belongings, obviously doesnt want her thinking that youre connected to him that way or that hes grown attached to you where hes allowing you to keep your stuff there. texting, a cheaters haven. can get away with so much, but if he was smart he'd erase the bad ones. so again, break it off before you get hurt or he breaks up with you.
Author raven1 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Update, I snooped on his phone and saw that they don't say miss you or anything...but he is going to do it. He is away for a week (I know not with her cause of txt) and has not texted me in a day and half so I am assuming this is the way he breaks relationships off??
vox Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 So, uh, you violated his privacy and he's going to violate your trust by sleeping with someone else. Which one of you is the bigger monster?
Author raven1 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 vox did you not read my post?? There are 2 wine glasses photos moved and personal things gone. I confronted him with all of this and he said I was crazy. When you do suspicious things and it does not feel right of course you will take it to the next level. What do I do sit there and nod my head and act like I did not find the wine glasses??? That is called naive.
Author raven1 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 fakobako...I also talked to his ex who said that he had a history of cheating on her, each time she went to leave he would suck her back in the third time she left him. Then the next gal who he cheated with would call because she would find e-mails to other women on his computer. I am sure that he cheated on her to. Do they ever change??
vox Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 vox did you not read my post?? There are 2 wine glasses photos moved and personal things gone. I confronted him with all of this and he said I was crazy. When you do suspicious things and it does not feel right of course you will take it to the next level. What do I do sit there and nod my head and act like I did not find the wine glasses??? That is called naive. Actually, I'm not suggesting anything of the sort. You could easily have confronted him in a calm, even fashion. But rather than do that, you're getting all Columbo on him and he may not have actually done anything wrong. So then you'd be the only one who broke trust in the relationship. I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, but what you did to validate them, in my estimation, is.
rudeaims Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Okay here goes. Recently the guy that I have been seeing for 8 months has changed a bit. We have been exclusive and our relationship was intense with me sleeping almost every night for 7 months. He has always ran with a few people and a women for 2 yrs. Recently this women is getting separated and the raised some concern for me and I talked to him about. This set him off and now he wants to go from 5th gear to 3rd gear in our relationship so he can have space. I asked if this meant him dating others and he said no that he was not interested in dating anyone but me. So I agreed. He went out of town for 2 days and when he returned he called saying that he wanted the night to catch up on some stuff at home. Yes I was curious, but we were going away for the weekend the next day. The next morning I went to see him and got a drink then put into the dishwasher and noted two wine glasses and also saw some of our together photos moved, could not find my toothbrush or hair brush. I asked him, are you seeing someone else do you want to see someone...he said no I am not and asked me to knock it off. Over the weekend I saw that he was texting a lot and saw that the runner girl was texting him. So I confronted him again, and he said no nothing was going on. I snooped a bit and found some messages, nothing about miss you or anything, something a to do list they are putting together and they sign off xo. Not sure why he would take me on a family weekend outing if he was going to cheat and I have asked him quite a few times if he wanted to see someone else. Why wouldn't he just break up with me? Oh Raven1, I am sure part of you wants to be in denial and go back to how things were but the hard truth is that you do not want to be the fool or be played like you have stupid written on your forehead. I HIGHLY suggest that you get out while you still have dignity. If it comes up again on how he just wants to be with you- say simply- well that sucks for you...I see some pretty big red flags and you can either come clean and speak to me like I am not a moreon or ignorant woman, apologize, and turn your ship around... or you can take one last look at my ass while it is walking away from you. I am very sorry to say it but REALLY YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THE FOOL. Leaving now would at least be leaving with your dignity.
Author raven1 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Okay now I get what you were saying. I did not go Columbo on him, I treaded lightly and let a little bit out at a time. I do not want to be played, I asked if he wanted to see other people and he said no he wanted to be exclusive. If he wants to date others than I would to...I just want to understand and do the right thing. I do not want to have to get all suspicious on him, its not needed if he was honest.
Quest Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Okay now I get what you were saying. I did not go Columbo on him, I treaded lightly and let a little bit out at a time. I do not want to be played, I asked if he wanted to see other people and he said no he wanted to be exclusive. If he wants to date others than I would to...I just want to understand and do the right thing. I do not want to have to get all suspicious on him, its not needed if he was honest. I hate to say it but things don't add up - he's saying he wants to be exclusive but what about the wine glasses, the photos and the lessening of contact?
Author raven1 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Quest, love this "I showed my heart to the doctor: he said I just have to quit." !!!! I know I agree, I think it someone who is a chronic cheater who wants to be sure that he has the other bird before letting the other one go. Don't think the others caught him this early on before. And no things did not add up that is why I snooped. I really do not like bringing the kids into all of this either.
Quest Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Raven - good you've accepted because it's not easy ... denial is much more attractive! Best thing to do now is vanish, with your dignity intact. Don't give him the satisfaction of a big scene or let him have his cake and eat it by having you on the back burner. Stay strong!
rudeaims Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Raven - good you've accepted because it's not easy ... denial is much more attractive! Best thing to do now is vanish, with your dignity intact. Don't give him the satisfaction of a big scene or let him have his cake and eat it by having you on the back burner. Stay strong! I concur with all the above! Raven, you are doing great by not being in denial.
Author raven1 Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Just never been with a cheater really....ever. I have had long term relationships and no one has ever cheated on me. I know that for a fact. Never was suspicious never snooped at all.
Miss Stress Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Is he going 2 cheat? Ummm ... 2 wine glasses? Moved photos? He's not "going" to cheat. He already is. The fact he got angry w/u is even more proof. And why are you with someone that you can "set off"? What is he? A ticking bomb? Nice to you as long as you don't demand any respect or ask the wrong question? This guy sounds like a complete a-hole that never deserved to be loved in the first place. Think for a moment if he asked you if you were seeing someone else. How would you respond? I would be very sympathetic and wonder what I had done to make my love feel that I wanted to be unfaithful. WHY? Because I'm a good person that would NEVER want to hurt him and would NEVER cheat on him. Now think about how he reacted. That is not the reaction of someone who loves you. That's the reaction of a guilty person. Why doesn't he just dump you? Because you are having sex w/him. Maybe even w/o a condom if you are his "girlfriend." A cheater will have sex w/as many women let him. Why would he give up having sex w/u? It's easy, he doesn't have to work for it, and he probably doesn't even have to wine and dine you. So it's free. Trust me. This guy is a loser and you need to tell him so. Don't ask. Just tell him that you know he's cheating on you and hope that one day he finds some self-respect. Tell him to never contact you again for any reason and then move on ... stay busy busy busy busy. Take a class, join a gym, hiking group, anything but just keep yourself busy 7 nights a week until finally a whole day goes by and you don't think of him at all. If he has this habit of "going off on you" you prob have some self-esteem issues that could really use attn. Work on yourself for awhile. But whatever you do... DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH THIS PRICK! Like all his other x's he will just pull you in and use you. He'll destroy whatever self-esteem you do have and you'll never attract a "great" guy. Being attracted to losers is a cycle. BREAK IT!
Author raven1 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 I agree he is a user in so many ways...he is 49 and his new conquest is a 31 yr old moving out of her home with her husband! They are making a list of things they can do to each other sexually and together. Sick...really...really sick. She is unhealthy just coming out of a marriage and he is obviously unhealthy. His ex told me that they were excited when he met me cause I was the most healthy emotionally person that he dated so far. He makes over 500k a year, so he is not stupid.
2sunny Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 earning money doesn't make a person smart. in fact, at times it just makes them have a huge sense of entitlement. did you break it off with him yet? i would... immediately if not sooner... and if he's away, all the better. just text him, give only the facts like "i'm not dating you any longer and don't contact me." no reason to see him when he treats you with such disrespect. stay strong, at least you found out now instead of later.
Lizzie60 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Doesn't matter if you snooped. how the hell would you find anything if you don't snoop.. Snooping when doubting is OK.. but then.. . when there is a doubt there is a problem.. I am totally convinced that your guy is cheating.. Why doesn't he break off with you? Come on... think about it.. Let's say.. he falls for someone else.. while he's with you.. he likes you..but he's intrigued and very much attracted to this other woman.. Is he going to break off with you.. then go with her .. only to find out that it won't work.. or she dumps him.. or.. whatever.. then what.. he's stuck alone.. lost her.. lost you.. No.... he keeps you around.. just to see if it will work out with this other woman.. if it does.. he'll dump you.. if it doesn't work.. life will go on.. like nothing happened. It's now up to you... Do you want to be on the back burner.. while Mister experiences with his new lover? You decide.. It's also your life.. not just HIS...
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