kizik Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Hi Thomas, please go somewhere else. You are not helping anyone. But please take some jabs at me first. -k
dreamergrl Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Of course I'm not holier than thou. I'm agnostic, Dreamer. You're probably holier than me And yes, my attitude does suck a bit, doesn't it. Oh well, at least I have the dignity of knowing I can resist temptation. Well.. you can't really resist something when know one is tempting you.... Just saying...
redhighheels Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Later that afternoon he texted me that he had found my earring, to which i replied "awesome! now you have to see me again to give it back if you wanna". and I got no response. Obviously, I was kidding (i tend to be a very sarcastic person, and he knows this because he has the same sense of humor and we have spent a lot of time joking around as such) so after the lack of response I asked "so i am curious...would you like to see me again?" and he replied with a simple "yes". So i said "haha ok then. well i'll leave you be. have a good evening". And that was that. They might seem like harmless jokes to you, but what I'm reading between the lines is that you're a bit insecure. You're pretty much putting him in a position where HE gets to decide whether he'll see you again or not and the underlying assumption is that you're up and willing. Nuh uh, girl! YOU should be the one who gets to say if and when he'll have the pleasure of your company. Don't offer yourself on a platter so soon, just because you had sex with him! Give the texts and calls a rest and let him initiate for a while.
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I happen to agree with Thomas X. Within the first few dates the relationship is relatively shallow, and sharing your body with somebody is the most intimate thing you can do with them. Doing it so soon takes away from it being special. I'm not sure how else to explain it. Religion aside, I just think it is kind of disgusting to sleep around.
Britney23 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Everyone has different values on this, thats a given. So its ridiculous to go around saying people have no respect for themselves and are never going to have a lasting relationship if they sleep with someone on the third to fifth date. Sometimes you just know and can connect with someone in a short amount of time so waiting to have sex is going to make absolutely no difference to how long the relationship lasts. I know this from personal experience. Guys that think that a girl is "hilariously easy" and just an "object" if they sleep with them too soon need to grow up and stop being hypocritical - its a mutual decision remember? And anyway the OP had talked to the guy online before meeting so would know each other a bit more than your suggesting.
prettybaby Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 So basically this whole thread has turned into pointless arguments that are totally unrelated to the OP's initial question ...
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 So basically this whole thread has turned into pointless arguments that are totally unrelated to the OP's initial question ... Well, these posts are addressing the OP's original question asking if she slept with this guy too soon. To supplement my previous post, my answer to that question is yes. I think it was too soon. I wasn't clear enough in my post that I was answering that one question. It was not my intention to start an argument, just giving my opinion.
Lucky_One Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 In response to the OP's question, I have to agree with redhighheels. You are sounding very much as though you are engineering the continued contact with stuff like the earring (which is an OLD trick that a million women have used before). You are trying to hard with the "now you have to see me again" deal. If you are that worried about seeing him again, then wait longer to involve your entire heart/body by having sex. Lesson to be learned - never try this with really nice earrings.
Author Littlemixtape Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Wow..all right then. First, let me clarify that just because I slept with him so quickly, does not mean that I continually sleep around and make a habit of it. So anyone suggesting that can toss that notion aside. You don't know me, i happen to have a great deal of self-respect thank you and know damn well what it is I deserve. Obviously I felt comfortable enough around him to do so and I don't regret that. I am smart enough and responsible enough to make conscious decisions about my own life without it merely being giving in to temptation. ThomasXForever-just the fact that you jumped right into dick mode and continually stated how attractive you are and how you have no problem getting the ladies, without anyone instigating those comments may prove that you yourself have some insecurity issues. Or perhaps you're just a narcissist. You stated "don't easily stereotype me either" before anyone had really done so in the way that you responded. They asked if you were religious, not whether or not you were attractive, good with the ladies, or about your college degree for that matter. You have one? Congrats. So do I. But nobody asked. (Does a college degree make you better at dating? I didn't see that major when they told us what box to check) Just like nobody said you were a virgin or ugly, yet you felt the need to defend yourself on assumptions nobody acknowledged. And did you not just "easily stereotype" me right off the bat? I have never had meaningless relationships because of having sex too soon. Yes, obviously those relationships did not work, however, their endings had nothing to do with the matter of sex and most of them I ended myself for very good reasons. BCCA put it perfectly by stating "sex is not the reason for failed relationships, the people in them are". Also, just because you happen to have an opinion does not make it the truth. It makes it YOUR truth in your own life perhaps, but not a fact in everybody's. Every single relationship/dating situation is different. Intimacy is a different thing to different people. Sometimes one feels comfortable "giving it up" at an early stage of a new dating situation, and sometimes it takes longer than that. The only reason why I am unsure of things at this stage, is because I have come out of a very committed relationship and feel a bit on shaky ground as to what is the dating norm now. Hence my statement "seriously, I feel like I don't know how to date anymore". A person can have sex while still maintaining their self-respect and dignity. Also, I did not purposely leave an earring behind, for the record (albeit joking about doing such probably wasn't the best idea). While I may be uncertain in the rocky world of dating, I would certainly find a better way to have contact than resort for the old "leave behind" gag (this isn't Seinfeld) and it's actually something we joked around about the next time I saw him. Actually I never did get that earring back...haha RedHighHeels-I agree with what you said, and is something I was considering earlier. I have given him the upper hand by letting him be the one to decide when we hang out. That is a very valid point and I thank you. I should begin looking at it in a different manner, that it is just as beneficial to him to be hanging out with ME. Britney23-thank you for pointing out that it is a mutual decision to be made because you're correct, I wasn't the only one that made the decision to have sex that soon, he was there too. That was an awesome point and I agree, I'm tired of those hypocritical, double-standard constraints society seems to place. I appreciate all comments made and thank you for those that actually stuck up for me But anywho, I did see him again and we had a great night, most of which was spent talking, laughing, and getting to know each other; no sex was involved. We have plans for the weekend that he initiated. Good thing all guys aren't like ThomasXForever
torranceshipman Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Thomas X Forever, you are too socialized. The poster didn't feel bound by what society orders her to do ('1 month rule or you're a hoe!!!') - she was just doing what felt right to her, and more power to her for doing so. If you need societies rules to dictate your behavior so you don't feel guilt, like you're 'good' and fit in to what is 'right' and which won't mean you are negatively judged by others then fine, good for you, but lots of us like to march to our own tune, including this poster. Using your OWN mind and not being rule bound is a very good thing. It's overly judgmental and pretty mean of you to judge her so harshly for a personal choice like you did...I respect your choices to wait longer but that doesn't give you the right to stand in judgment over the poster like you did. For the record, a couple of my friends both slept with their guys on the 2nd date!! and they are living with the guys, both guys of whom are strongly hinting that a proposal is on the way! Very sweet. And they moved fast because it felt right. The guys were clearly into them, and weren't the overly socialized type to judge them for it either...it was clearly as uncomplicated as 'boy meets girl, can't keep their hands off eachother (so don't, lol), fall in love' ...very cute!
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