jumi Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hey I remember one member on here described that her SO doesn't like communicating via computer since he finds it superficial and after reading that, it gave me the words to describe the confusion I feel inside when I talk to my SO online. We use webcam most of the time, email a few times a week. I can't call/text him since he is in another country. Anyway. Webcam does have the option to use microphones to speak, but usually (99%) we open up an AIM window and chat while we can see eachother on webcam. I feel comfortable using IM messaging when we chat, because by typing I feel I can better plan out what I want to say and it gives the other person time to respond without an awkward silence. And I also like it for when we aren't in intense conversation because we can say little blurbs to eachother here and there. but on the flip side, I *wish* I had the talking skills to be just as comfortable to use the microphones and actually speak to him. I think he is more comfortable with typing, but sometimes I just think "why are we doing this if we can just talk?". I reason it is a comfort thing, but now I wonder if it is a little superficial. When we are together in the flesh, we can talk easily. It some difference about being separated. What do you think?
TMichaels Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 You never know unless you try! So instead of wondering and worrying about whether you can talk online together, why not just give it a whirl? The next time the two of you are camming, just toss out the idea ala: "Hey! We've never tried using our microphones when we webcam. Want to try it and see what it's like?" Don't worry about awkward pauses. You can always blame it on the voice chat utility. Sometimes the connection isn't that great, responses are delayed and you may end up talking over each other, too. But at least you tried, and the two of you would have a chance to actually hear each other's voices which can warm the heart like no other text or IM message can... HTH, TMichaels
carvidep Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 What he said! and the awkward pauses can be fun! we sometimes stop talking and just look at each other... . Or start making stupid faces at each other hahaha. About the long distance calling thing, mine is across the Atlantic from me. He can use his cell to call mine, but I can't call his phone. However, I did find out that through Skype you can get a skype-2-go phone number that you call and it redirects you to the number you want to reach and charges it as a local call. It's kiiiiind of awesome! I also recently discovered that I can text him but he can't text me lol. Just play around with stuff. It'll keep you entertained in the process, and get you guys talking voice-to-voice soon enough!!
Ingenue Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Well my current bf is one of these who prefers face-to-face communication. We haven't become long distance yet, but in the past I've found that online chat can be one dimensional. When you are communicating face-to-face you have various visual and tonal cues to denote emotions and expressions. In the chat world and the online world in general, you have to rely on writing that in through either an action word or something signifying an action. Plus, I'd always fear that in the online world things can be easily misinterpreted, particularly if your sense of humour doesn't translate well.
Els Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Well my current bf is one of these who prefers face-to-face communication. We haven't become long distance yet, but in the past I've found that online chat can be one dimensional. When you are communicating face-to-face you have various visual and tonal cues to denote emotions and expressions. In the chat world and the online world in general, you have to rely on writing that in through either an action word or something signifying an action. Plus, I'd always fear that in the online world things can be easily misinterpreted, particularly if your sense of humour doesn't translate well. Of COURSE this is true. If anyone prefers to talk online with their SO rather than face to face, I'd say they have serious problems. I'd also prefer to be a millionaire rather than the broke student that I am now. But in some circumstances we don't always get what we want, so we have to settle for second best. And that would be online chat. OP, I'm curious; why do you use the word 'superficial'? If talking through the mic seems 'superficial' to you, then by extrapolation, wouldn't typing be even more so? Actually, it does feel weird the first time, doing voice online. It always does, even if you've spoken together IRL. Like most things though, usually when you get past the 'breaking the comfort zone' thing it becomes ok. I can't imagine doing without voice chat online with my LDR SO.
Author jumi Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Elswyth: that's what I meant to ask, if people think the typing can become superficial. We have the webcam on when we are chatting (messenger) to each other. It's good in a way because it gives us a sort of privacy where he is in a room full of guys. And that way, the talking isnt one-dimensional, since with the webcam we can see expressions. i guess we're just missing tone of voice but we understand each other well, and our humor. We do interact through the webcam but mostly talk through messenger. And it's not that I don't prefer to talk to him face to face over chat, of course I'd much much rather be in the flesh talking to him one on one! the same reason talking on webcam feels a little awkward for me is the same reason i hate talking on the phone, for some reason i am just not good on the phone at all. it is so different to talk to someone when you are physically in the flesh than webcam, even though you can still see them. but like you guys suggested it, it is worth a try eh? but to answer my question, *do* you think typing is superficial (keep in mind, with a webcam)
xpaperxcutx Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 For some people, texting and messaging is a habit that came about with the hype of 3g cellphones. I prefer to pick up the phone and actually talk. The thing about myself is that I refuse to take up the habit unless I'm deliberately trying to avoid the other person. I only chat and text if it will keep the other person on the line at bay. Although that's just myself, I think in a way most people like to have a personal space, where they can click on and off another person. There are no attachments of any form or shape and thus people hold no bond to one another. If you and your SO are in an LDR, I think it's important to keep that bond rather than take things for granted. Imagine the 90s when internet hardly had the boom it has now, and communication is rendered through formal emails and faxes. Those were the case because any other form ofcommunication was restricted. Now you have webcams and microphones, so why avoid them? Or simply why take them for granted if they'll improve the way you can communicate with your SO?
carvidep Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 it gives us a sort of privacy where he is in a room full of guys. that explains the no-mic situation. try to make some time to video chat without the guys around, when you can use the mics and not have it get awkward with his boys in the room. This could be difficult if they're roommates, because you can't really kick them out, and they're almost always gonna be around. If they're just good friends, they could be like roommates and equally difficult to kick out haha. is there another place where he could bring the computer and talk with you? maybe even a cafe. but you'd also want to consider the social customs of the country he's in. dunno if that would be completely rude in some cultures. I'm just rambling now, but yeah, if the boys are around, then he's probably afraid to use the mic. It's no offense to you. he probably just doesn't want his guys hearing him get all lovey-dovey with you.
Els Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Definitely you wouldn't really want to use the mic when there's people in close proximity. At least not for indepth conversations. Can you imagine the kind of hell his guy friends would give him if he says the most private and 'unmacho' stuff to you in front of them? Heh. Regardless, it's never superficial if you both mean what you say. But you should still try to get some actual TALK time in regardless, I find it helps heaps. If the phone doesn't cost much and you use it often I suppose it's okay though.
SuburbanOblivion Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 We keep skype voice/video chat running constantly whenever we can, so I can't imagine doing only video/text. Seeing "I love you" on screen will never have the same warmth it does hearing your SO say it
TMichaels Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 We have the webcam on when we are chatting (messenger) to each other. It's good in a way because it gives us a sort of privacy where he is in a room full of guys. jumi, Do you know there is something called a "Skype phone?" It's an actual phone you plug into your computer which means you can talk to another just as you would do on any telephone through Skype. They are kinda pricey, but you can shop around as Skype-compatible phones are available from other suppliers. It may not completely solve the issue of him having to talk to you in front on others, but it would give you more privacy than a webcam mic plus it's more like just talking to one another via the phone. HTH, TMichaels
Author jumi Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 We keep skype voice/video chat running constantly whenever we can, so I can't imagine doing only video/text. Seeing "I love you" on screen will never have the same warmth it does hearing your SO say it agreed, actually we do (usually) say our i-love-you's and good-nights out loud, blow a kiss, and i love it. a few times when the mic turns on im just very self conscious of how my voice sounds and it sounds strained but the i-love-you's are always lovely
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