HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I've been hanging out with a girl almost every night for the past week or so now and it's great, but the situation she's in is a little weird. She was dating a guy and they moved in together, now they're broken up but she can't find a new place to live so they're still living together. They went out for a couple years, and just recently broke up. We've pretty much been hanging out ever since. We also work together (me and her). Whenever she's upset about fighting with her ex at home or anything like that, she comes over to my place and I just try to make her feel good about herself, because her ex obviously does not. And she seems to have a great time. We lay around and watch movies and have tickle fights and all that good stuff, but I just don't know exactly what's going on. And I think it's too early to just come out and ask her. Any advice on what I can do? Should I just keep hanging out with her and see where it goes?
Thomas X Forever Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Man, what's with all the screwed up relationships lately? Not that I'm immune, I've also came across my fair share of insanity. Umm, well, first off, you're a rebound. She's using you. If she ever figures a way to work it out with her ex, then you're done. Just like that, gone. So YOU tell ME, what WILL you do?
Author HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I definitely thought that might be it, and I can't say for sure it's not. But I do know this girl pretty well, I've worked with her for a long time now. I don't think she's using me. And I can say with confidence that there's no chance of her and her ex getting back together. And for me personally, the risk of losing her over that is worth being with her now. She's such a great girl, it's worth atleast seeing what's going on between us. I just don't know if there is anything, and don't think I can ask just yet.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Well, you sound pretty in touch with reality. Keep pursuing whatever you want. But the fact she lives with her ex is just too hard to look past, in my opinion. I'd have to drop her.. but that's just what I would do.
Author HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I know what you mean, I'm definitely not able to overlook it. But she is desperately trying to find a place to live, and may have a place lined up. So if she moves out, that whole issue would be over with.
samspade Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Have you slept with her yet? If not, you are her emotional tampon, i.e. just another girlfriend to her. If I were you I'd steer clear until she has her own place. PS - let this be a warning to you - don't move in with a girlfriend.
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 IME, she's not going to be able to mourn the end of the other relationship until they're living apart. And if you two were to get involved now it all could come crashing down when she also has to process the emotions she feels when they do separate. Are apartments hard to come by where you live? Does she not make much money? I'd think if they were grown-ups they'd understand it's important to split up in order to be able to make the separation.
caramel c Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Have you slept with her yet? If not, you are her emotional tampon, i.e. just another girlfriend to her. If I were you I'd steer clear until she has her own place. PS - let this be a warning to you - don't move in with a girlfriend. I second that!
BCCA Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'll approach this from a 'likely scenario' standpoint... The first thing you have to keep in mind is that there is no way she is even close to being over this guy or this relationship; shes still in it, essentially. Even if they are 'done', if she was completely over it, she wouldnt continue to have fights with the guy OR stay at the same place. So with that in mind, youre involved with a girl who is still involved with someone else. And let me tell you right now, she either is or will sleep with him at any time. Its comfortable, and as mad as she can get at him, shes been there before - many times. I'm also wondering if you thought about how she runs to you when shes mad at him, NOT because she wants to see you, per say. There is a key difference if you think about it, you are more appealing than him at a given moment, but then she goes back to him. Think about whats going on, shes kind of pitting the two of you against eachother, or at least using you to make him jealous. Not behavior of someone 'over' someone else. People here 'being used' and think its implies something that was done purposefully to hurt them. Not the case, she is using you for emotional support, but she doesnt realize what effect it has on you, and frankly, she doesnt want to. Honestly, from all of these scenarios Ive seen, it always ends the same way. She'll either go back to him, or swing from you into an 'actual' relationship, since you are without a doubt some form of a rebound. As badly as she talks about him, i wouldnt be surprised to see her go back, and if I was you, I think my only bet would be to say 'handle all that and we'll talk' and gauage her reaction. If its one of understanding, thats good, if she gets mad or tells you off, you were just a pawn to her.
Author HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Hmm, thanks for all the opinions and thoughts. I'm definitely not ruling anything out, so I'm not gonna rush into anything with her. I've got a lot to think about.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 infernal, don't listen to this bs about how if you haven't slept with her yet, then drop her. IF you HAVE slept with her already after 1 week of her being single, THEN you should drop her. You don't EVER want a girl who you can sleep with so easily. HUGE RED FLAG. Some of you people are just plain lacking common sense/an IQ. loveslife is dead correct, though. She can't even BEGIN to emotionally move on past her old relationship when she lives with him/she has you.
Author HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 infernal, don't listen to this bs about how if you haven't slept with her yet, then drop her. IF you HAVE slept with her already after 1 week of her being single, THEN you should drop her. You don't EVER want a girl who you can sleep with so easily. HUGE RED FLAG. I agree with that totally. And I havn't slept with her, if I did I'd feel more like I was being used.
Author HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 So just an update, she's moving out within a week, and she's already packing her stuff. If she moves out and things continue between us (she says she wants to keep hanging out), then the situation would be a little more normal.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I strongly advise you listen to loveslife. This girl can move out physically, but she isn't going to emotionally heal if she has you to jump to. Right out of the arms of one to the arms of another. You will see in time why this will not work.
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