butcher's hook Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 This implies that I am settling. Which is to ignore that I am 100% physically attracted to my SO. Fair enough, so you are not a good example for various reasons. When JS gave her example and you gave yourself as an example of women who don't think like that then it's safe to say you are in a very small minority but you also don't qualify for that comment because you are in your 30's not 24. Sure there are excemptions there always are but most 24 yr olds would not be into a middle aged balding man who is considerably over weight, and that is what JS was saying. Most people are too superficial at 24 to overlook those traits. When I was 24 I would even look at 30 yr old guys as old looking and if they were overweight and bald, forget it!
Jersey Shortie Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 And I felt like standing up for the balding, middle aged, overweight guy. Just as it's not nice to take a stab at the things women are insecure about. It's equally not nice to take stabs at the counterpart insecurities in men. JS took that stab. And I also felt like her assumption about what women find attractive was incorrect. Exactly what "stab" did I take? Did I say balding, middle-aged men were worthless? NO. All I said is given a choice, a 24 year old girl is going to pick someone like Andy Petitte over George Castanza. Or even a Jonas Brother over Andy Petitte. How the heck does that exhibit any kind of "stab" at middle aged men or your man? And just to remind you, the OP is a middle aged man lamenting how much better 24 year olds are over his own aged women. So before you hop on the gravey train to charge at me over what you think are "stabs", maybe you should be more aware of what is being said all around.
WineCountry Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Exactly what "stab" did I take? Did I say balding, middle-aged men were worthless? NO. All I said is given a choice, a 24 year old girl is going to pick someone like Andy Petitte over George Castanza. Or even a Jonas Brother over Andy Petitte. How the heck does that exhibit any kind of "stab" at middle aged men or your man? And just to remind you, the OP is a middle aged man lamenting how much better 24 year olds are over his own aged women. So before you hop on the gravey train to charge at me over what you think are "stabs", maybe you should be more aware of what is being said all around. I find it a bit humerous when people want what they themselves can't offer. Meaning, the OP is older, pot bellied, and balding, but yet he sticks his nose in the air at the woman who he has a great time with, gets along with, and has great sex with, because she doesn't have the body of a 24 year old. LOL He can't offer her a young, taut, muscular body with a full head of hair, yet he sniffs at the fact that HER body isn't perfect. Priceless. :laugh:
loveslife Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Ya know, I look at young men (20s, early 30s) and I see youth and inexperience. They're honestly not as beautiful to me as the men who look like they have been through some big life experiences. When you're in your 20s you really cannot imagine all the twists and turns your life is gonna take. I am attracted to someone who knows, who has experience. I sort of understand why some men feel a 24 year-old is a great prize for them. But I also don't get it in a way.
silverfish Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I love George Costanza! There are not many younger men who have the dry, sarcastic self deprecating wit of men in their forties. I used to like older men a lot when I was in my twenties, but it's true that there is no way I would have ended up marrying one of them. It's just that men my age seemed so dull at the time. And to the OP - if you have been through a break up recently you probably are a bit jaded about relationships. Really, if you are going to be FWB with someone, you at LEAST want to know that you find eachother physically attractive surely?
Ruby Slippers Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 So I guess what I want is a woman as gorgeous as the 24-year-old blonde blue-eyed goddess I had the one-night stand with, but also someone who intellectually and emotionally has as much in common with me as my FWB. I don't think anyone, male or female, is likely to get all that in one package. In my experience, the hotter, buffer, and more sex machine the man is, the worse he is as long-term/marriage material. And the most emotionally in tune, loving, and supportive men are usually not the guys who look like playboys. Lucky for me, I don't care much about appearance. I want him to have good health and a good diet, and to take care of himself to a reasonable degree, sure. But I've learned enough to know that very physically attractive and athletic guys are best enjoyed for sex and light fun only. My last bf was very attractive, and now I realize I would have been better off enjoying him for sex and casual fun only. Similarly, women who focus most of their attention on appearance are usually the gold-digging types who will dump you as soon as you stop being a walking ATM. They have usually invested far more effort in appearance, clothes, shopping, accessories, makeup, etc., than developing their intelligence, artistic abilities, interpersonal skills, and so on. So they're usually not the best marriage material, either. If you want to have a few fun romps with hotties with no brains, go for it. Then if you get ready for something serious, realize that you're going to have to appreciate all facets of a balanced, relationship-worthy woman.
Isolde Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 But I've learned enough to know that very physically attractive and athletic guys are best enjoyed for sex and light fun only. It's unfair to say that It's one thing to say that guys who are both attractive and good are in short supply--and quite another to say they are only good for sex. I don't expect to date a super attractive guy but I try not to assume things about them either.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 It's unfair to say that It's one thing to say that guys who are both attractive and good are in short supply--and quite another to say they are only good for sex. I don't expect to date a super attractive guy but I try not to assume things about them either. It might be unfair, but I believe it is true. It doesn't mean I will never take a super attractive guy seriously, but I will automatically be more skeptical of his long-term suitability from the start. A higher proportion of people want to have sex with the most physically attractive men and women, and you can't deny that they receive disproportionately favorable attention based purely on appearance. My first boyfriend was ridiculously attractive, and I saw him charm a Texas state trooper (notorious hardasses) out of giving him a speeding ticket -- when he was driving 30 miles over the limit, shirtless in his jeans, with a half-full BEER BOTTLE in his lap (I know, classy), and no insurance card in the glove box. He was gorgeous, polite, and incredibly persuasive, and the cop let him off with a wink and a smile. All this preferential treatment and attention creates a temptation that is especially hard for men to resist, I think, especially young, buff men in their prime. Most guys who can almost effortlessly get sex with a wide array of women will not have much of a desire to commit to just one. That's a simple fact. A smart woman understands this.
AlektraClementine Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Exactly what "stab" did I take? Did I say balding, middle-aged men were worthless? NO. All I said is given a choice, a 24 year old girl is going to pick someone like Andy Petitte over George Castanza. Or even a Jonas Brother over Andy Petitte. How the heck does that exhibit any kind of "stab" at middle aged men or your man? And just to remind you, the OP is a middle aged man lamenting how much better 24 year olds are over his own aged women. So before you hop on the gravey train to charge at me over what you think are "stabs", maybe you should be more aware of what is being said all around. Oh I'm aware. I got the sense that the OP was conflicted and presenting real thoughts and feelings about the matter. His personal conflict. He wasn't taking cheap shots. Listen, you stick up for who you want to, and I'll do the same. Besides, Gravy's good.
AlektraClementine Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Also - and maybe I missed it. I didn't read once where the OP said that 24 year old girls were "better" than his FWB. He's definitely conflicted about what he want's but he was equally complimentary and critical of both women.
Isolde Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 It might be unfair, but I believe it is true. It doesn't mean I will never take a super attractive guy seriously, but I will automatically be more skeptical of his long-term suitability from the start. I feel the same way, though of course people's definition of super attractive will still vary a great deal. A higher proportion of people want to have sex with the most physically attractive men and women, and you can't deny that they receive disproportionately favorable attention based purely on appearance. All this preferential treatment and attention creates a temptation that is especially hard for men to resist, I think, especially young, buff men in their prime. Most guys who can almost effortlessly get sex with a wide array of women will not have much of a desire to commit to just one. That's a simple fact. A smart woman understands this.I do understand it's necessary to be realistic and prudent if you are looking for a LTR. But that doesn't mean one should essentially fear these people... they are, after all, just people, no more no less. Out of curiosity, has it been proven that "super" attractive guys are more likely to cheat than moderately attractive (slightly above average) guys? I've always felt like women chased after all guys that were even vaguely good looking, because most women aren't that picky.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I do understand it's necessary to be realistic and prudent if you are looking for a LTR. But that doesn't mean one should essentially fear these people... they are, after all, just people, no more no less. Exactly. They are only human, and most people will be lazy and skate by on good looks if they can. I don't fear gorgeous men -- but I do have a realistic idea of what I'm dealing with. Out of curiosity, has it been proven that "super" attractive guys are more likely to cheat than moderately attractive (slightly above average) guys? I don't know. I do know that the most physically attractive guys I had relationships with had a bit of a chip on their shoulder because they had mostly been validated for their good looks and sexual prowess, not their brains or "soft skills". But the sad truth is that being sex bombs and rocking my world in bed is what they were best at. The guys I've dated who were well above average in appearance and sexual skill were also the least intelligent and compassionate.
Isolde Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 \ I do know that the most physically attractive guys I had relationships with had a bit of a chip on their shoulder because they had mostly been validated for their good looks and sexual prowess, not their brains or "soft skills". But the sad truth is that being sex bombs and rocking my world in bed is what they were best at. The guys I've dated who were well above average in appearance and sexual skill were also the least intelligent and compassionate. Fair enough. In contrast, I've met a great many guys whom I consider decently attractive and who are quite smart and articulate, but then again I've always gone for the geeky type anyway. I just feel bad for some women who decide to take on a certain "strategy" (not talking about you, RS, being general): they may try to gain security by dating men who are not objectively attractive, which is very reasonable, but then the problem becomes the opposite and the women just can't give these men what they deserve--either that or these men end up wanting out themselves. I distinguish these women from those ladies who fall in love with men that aren't necessarily attractive--the latter women are lucky because they've discovered an almost "secret" attraction that isn't shared by many others. Unfortunately, BY DEFINITION, attraction -- whether it's to someone objectively attractive or not -- carries with it risk and vulnerability. It's up to each person to decide what actualities and possibilities they're willing to deal with. Some people find this security by being more flexible towards different physical types, but I think it's simplistic to say this is some sort of failproof way to avoid heartbreak. I guess it really comes down to being strong enough and innately secure enough to "take" any outcome.
hoping2heal Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 [/b] I find it a bit humerous when people want what they themselves can't offer. Meaning, the OP is older, pot bellied, and balding, but yet he sticks his nose in the air at the woman who he has a great time with, gets along with, and has great sex with, because she doesn't have the body of a 24 year old. LOL He can't offer her a young, taut, muscular body with a full head of hair, yet he sniffs at the fact that HER body isn't perfect. Priceless. :laugh: I actually agree with this. I'm not ever bothered by someone who expects to get in return what they give or have to offer. But this case
Jersey Shortie Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I find it a bit humerous when people want what they themselves can't offer. Meaning, the OP is older, pot bellied, and balding, but yet he sticks his nose in the air at the woman who he has a great time with, gets along with, and has great sex with, because she doesn't have the body of a 24 year old. LOL He can't offer her a young, taut, muscular body with a full head of hair, yet he sniffs at the fact that HER body isn't perfect. Priceless. I completely agree. It makes you wonder what some men expect and what they really value. Oh I'm aware. I got the sense that the OP was conflicted and presenting real thoughts and feelings about the matter. His personal conflict. He wasn't taking cheap shots. Listen, you stick up for who you want to, and I'll do the same. Besides, Gravy's good. And I wasn't presenting real thoughts and feelings on the matter? I wasn't taking cheap shots. MOST 24 year old girls aren't getting hot over fat, older, balding men. Also - and maybe I missed it. I didn't read once where the OP said that 24 year old girls were "better" than his FWB. He's definitely conflicted about what he want's but he was equally complimentary and critical of both women. You don't see him saying he was looking for a great girl in his FWB body do you. Funny think is that women really do appreciate a man as he gets older. Some have come on here saying that much. And when it's the reverse? Men throw women under the bus for getting older. So why should women be so kind to men on this issue if men aren't kind to them on it?
AlektraClementine Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 So why should women be so kind to men on this issue if men aren't kind to them on it? Well first, I think you're putting a pretty big blanket around all men. Also, I don't subscribe to the theory that "two wrongs make a right". IMO, Kindness is something that should be practiced without the thought of benefiting through reciprocity. And unless it's a personal affront, there's no need to be ugly. You preach and preach and preach about how men should be sensitive to the things women are insecure about, yet you don't practice the very same in it's counterpart. Jersey - I don't disagree with everything you say. In fact, I think you can be quite thoughtful and insightful. Some of your posts absolutely hit home with me. I just personally feel (and I've said this to you before) that you could stand to sand down the edges a bit. Catch more flies with honey, yadda yadda... I know I know...Who'd want to catch a fly?
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