vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Just a note: I imagine you have a...beautiful full head of georgous hair....very hot firm body...big muscles..."large feet" and a fab personality.........along with tom brady good looks And leave it to the big heart-big butt brigade to charge in with that.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 . I didn't ask for the divorce - my STBXW had an affair - but I think it's pretty understandable for me to utilize this break and get my fantasies fulfilled before going on to the next committed relationship. Oh that explains why you are looking for a big ego boost, being cheated on can leave you feeling very low and insecure! Now it makes sense. Play the field and get yourself feeling better but don't hurt women who are good to you and expect more from you if you, the woman you are currently dating does not deserve to be lead on.
samspade Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I think it's pretty normal to want to "sow one's oats" in the situation of being separated. In fact I think it's healthy to get that out of my system before committing to someone else long-term. I didn't ask for the divorce - my STBXW had an affair - but I think it's pretty understandable for me to utilize this break and get my fantasies fulfilled before going on to the next committed relationship. Indeed, it may be that I learn a 24-year-old can't fulfill my emotional needs and that latter is what really matters. You don't have to explain yourself to older single women for being a man. Sow your oats and have fun - the 24 year old is having fun, after all. Bitter women (and beta men) often attempt to shame men because men want physical beauty, compliance, and femininity. It's the way it is. That's why you see so many women on LS who trash younger females and/or foreign women - because they feel undermined.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 . That's why you see so many women on LS who trash younger females and/or foreign women - because they feel undermined. Is that why you continually trash older women on here, because you feel undermined by them?
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't have any criticisms for you. Sounds like you're being thoughtful about this. I do urge you to speak to your FWB about some of this, though. Let her know that you're picking up a vibe from her that she might be wanting more out of this. Give her an opportunity to respond. I do caution you though (I'm sure you already know this - you've got 12 years on me). She may throw you for a loop. i.e. "No way Jose. I like things just the way they are". Some women toss around "hun" in strictly a cutesy-flirty sense. She may also say "Yeah, you got me. I'm starting to really care for you". At which point, you tell her that's not what you're in this for and do the right thing by breaking it off. Then, you run the risk of missing the hell out of her. My fiance's a bigger man. Big ole' pot belly. Never brushes his hair and passes a lot of gas. Don't worry so much about physical appearance.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I understand how you can perceive it that way, but the truth is that I am not just using her - she understands full well it is FWB and in fact she herself made that suggest at first because she knows full well that we both need to see other people so soon after a separation. And that aside, she is clearly a very good friend and we connect emotionally on many levels. That is why it may be such a hard choice. Frankly I'm not sure I felt that connected emotionally even to my soon-ex wife. But if so, why am I questioning things overall - if it's just out of the fantasy of finding the same in a 24-year-old's body, well that's pretty unrealistic of me and probably short-sighted. There was never a question that your FWB didn't understand the situation. Fact remains, you said she clearly wants something more. She is an adult and capable of her own choices. However, if you are not interested in giving her more, when you know that's what she is looking for, then yes, you are using her for your own personal gains. Even if you are good friends and connect emotionally, you don't really think she is good enough for her yet you continue to use her in a way that feeds your own needs, desires and ego. That is even worse then if you weren't really friends and just enjoyed sex. Respect and being "good friends" are not mutually exclusive. As a man, you want respect. As a man, you should give it in turn. This issue isn't difficult. You aren't that into her. It's that simple. However, you want sex and emotional connection and you take that from your FWB despite the fact that you clearly don't think much of her. And let me give you some advice as a young woman that has dated older men. They all wanted to settle down with me. I didn't want to settle down with them. Period. 24 year old girls don't want to settle down with balding middle aged men. Sorry. Most just don't. I had fun with them. They were good enough to date, just as you consider your FWB good enough to spend time with. But beyond that, I didn't want to sign up for a lifetime deal with them. How would you feel if the situation was reveresed? Why should they settle for that when *you* don't even want to settle for that. Personally, I think you are insecure all around. Most woman would pick Andy Petitte over George Castanza any day. Especially 24 year old ones. Is that why you continually trash older women on here, because you feel undermined by them? Too good. He fogets I am in my 20s.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Most woman would pick Andy Petitte over George Castanza any day. Especially 24 year old ones. Wow. really? What kind of women make up the basis for your "most women". And further, why? Just because of physical differences?
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Wow. really? What kind of women make up the basis for your "most women". And further, why? Just because of physical differences? Alektra if you had a choice to pick a fat balding middle aged man or your finace, and you liked them both equally as well, which would you choose and why?
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Alektra if you had a choice to pick a fat balding middle aged man or your finace' date=' and you liked them both equally as well, which would you choose and why?[/quote'] haha. I have to laugh at the irony. My fiance is approaching middle age, is about 80 lbs overweight, hairline is starting to recede.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 haha. I have to laugh at the irony. My fiance is approaching middle age, is about 80 lbs overweight, hairline is starting to recede. Yikes.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 haha. I have to laugh at the irony. My fiance is approaching middle age, is about 80 lbs overweight, hairline is starting to recede. Oh. do you look like a 24 yr old pin up model then? Now THAt would be irony at its best!
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I know, scary right? See, I'm almost exclusively visually attuned sexually, so that sounds downright punishing to me.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh. do you look like a 24 yr old pin up model then? Now THAt would be irony at its best! I don't mean to boast, but I do okay. Boobs aren't big enough for pin-up status though:laugh: I have a damn crotchety attitude though sometimes, so I probably lose points for that.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 See, I'm almost exclusively visually attuned sexually, so that sounds downright punishing to me. I like visual stimulation as well. So I get that. And while I wasn't always into large men, I go weak for my man. His belly is one of my happy places.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't mean to boast, but I do okay. Boobs aren't big enough for pin-up status though:laugh: I have a damn crotchety attitude though sometimes, so I probably lose points for that. So you are 24 then or look youger than you are is what you are saying?
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 His belly is one of my happy places. God bless you! 80lbs overweight is just too much for my liking and I am not THE most superficial person around....
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 So you are 24 then or look youger than you are is what you are saying? I was being sarcastic. I'm 32 and I'd guess I look about 32. Point is, I suppose is that while by society's standards, I might have a more attractive "package" than my fiance, it doesn't factor in to our relationship because I find him extremely attractive. And I felt like standing up for the balding, middle aged, overweight guy. Just as it's not nice to take a stab at the things women are insecure about. It's equally not nice to take stabs at the counterpart insecurities in men. JS took that stab. And I also felt like her assumption about what women find attractive was incorrect. It's all moot, though if the OP does not have a physical attraction to his FWB. Like he said, the trouble will be if he ends up in one of those "I love you but I'm not IN love with you" situations.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm 32 and I'd guess I look about 32. Ok great that was the point I was trying to get at! JS said most 24 yr old women will not settle for a fat balding middle aged man, you are not 24 and you are in the "marrying" range so your priorities are going to be little different perhaps than that of a 24 yr old. I would agree, most 24yr olds won't settle for a fat balding middle aged dude, a woman in her 30's might! But I am in my 30's an I never would I am too superficial I guess...and want the whole package.
loveslife Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I would agree, most 24yr olds won't settle for a fat balding middle aged dude, a woman in her 30's might! But I am in my 30's an I never would I am too superficial I guess...and want the whole package. Yeah, superficial people don't settle based on looks, just personality, abusive behavior, stuff like that.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Yeah, superficial people don't settle based on looks, just personality, abusive behavior, stuff like that. I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean, can you explain that again please?
loveslife Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean' date=' can you explain that again please?[/quote'] You indicated that someone in her 30s who was superficial would not "settle" and this had to do with looks. However, there are a lot of people that one would deem superficial who settle in many ways that are actually harmful, such as abusive behavior of some sort. I'm not saying that one leads to the other but when I think "settling" I don't think of looks, I think of someone I don't really love or someone who abuses me. Even when I was in my 20s. The age difference, IME, has more to do with a lack of shared interests and life experience.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 You indicated that someone in her 30s who was superficial would not "settle" and this had to do with looks. However, there are a lot of people that one would deem superficial who settle in many ways that are actually harmful, such as abusive behavior of some sort. I see. That is not what I meant, what I mean was that I could not settle for someone who was 80lbs overweight balding and in their 50's and I am not even 24 I would imagine a 24 yr old even LESS. So perhaps that makes me superficial. Not that superficial people won't settle, superficial people settle all the time, then again we are all superficial one way or another so…. Some more than others. And settling means different things for different people, for me anything less than the whole package, my idea of what the whole package is for me ie. intellectual/emotional compatibility, an attractive character, and an equally attractive sexual exterior would make for a full package, anything less than that is settling as far as I am concerned. But within that package there is plenty of room for imperfections, they are idiosyncrasies not deal breakers.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I would agree, most 24yr olds won't settle for a fat balding middle aged dude, a woman in her 30's might! But I am in my 30's an I never would I am too superficial I guess...and want the whole package. This implies that I am settling. Which is to ignore that I am 100% physically attracted to my SO. I "settled" for less than I wanted WAY more in my 20s.
bac Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Wow. You made poor choices, then. Some of the best sex I have had was with older guys. Haven't done anything with the current guy, yet, but he's 43 with the body of a 30-year old....so maybe that won't hurt. LOL We'll see. SoulSearch, you are a fortunate girl. I am glad that you did well with these guys. I wish I had some success with them as well.
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