V_Lala Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hey all, I just stumbled upon this forum and thought of sharing my problem with you. I met a guy a year ago on a work trip; he initiated the flirting and showed interest until towards the end of the trip. Nothing major happened between us; we just hung out, talked and flirted. Though I wasn't into him at first, I ended up having a huge crush on him. Sad that he didn't show any interest in keeping in touch, I parted ways. We later got in touch on Facebook and though the contact remains minimal, my feelings are getting stronger and even I can't explain why. Many times I tried to let go of my thoughts about him but they keep coming back and in some twisted way I have a gut instinct that he still likes me but has his own reasons of keeping a distance. When I think about it rationally -- which I often do in most things -- it seems stupid but I feel like there's something deeper that connects me to him that I have no control over. Does any of this make sense or is my brain losing it??
tinklebell Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 It makes sense to me since I have had a similar experience. I'm not sure I know what to advise you on but you haven't lost your marbles with this. In my case, the guy was in a relationship. The part about your friend keeping his distance isn't good.
Hkizzle Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 You're not going crazy. Go google "pair bonding hormones", there's a lot of research about it. Many people however think human attraction is through conscious control for some reason. Much of attraction is not from the logical mind, or else there wouldn't be so many relationship problems out there.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 You're not going crazy. Go google "pair bonding hormones", there's a lot of research about it. Many people however think human attraction is through conscious control for some reason. Much of attraction is not from the logical mind, or else there wouldn't be so many relationship problems out there. Yep, yep, yep. I've been reading up on this lately and it's very interesting. They say women bond through sex through a release of oxytocin (guys also, but at a MUCH lower level - tempered by testosterone), but oxytocin can release when you're having a pleasurable experience having nothing to do with sex....hence you start to feel "connected." I was also reading a study about how the early stages of love/infatuation are very similar to certain psychoses. LOL So that could explain the "crazy" feeling.
Author V_Lala Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Haha thanks for establishing that I'm still sane! But how am I supposed to deal with this?
Hkizzle Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Haha thanks for establishing that I'm still sane! But how am I supposed to deal with this? You watch this video each time you think about him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVblWq3tDwY After a while you will go insane in another way and totally forget about him.
MissViolet Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I saw a clip (I think on the Discovery channel) and some scientists were saying that on brain imaging scans, a person who's in love and a person with schizophrenia have very similar brain activity patterns, so much that it was almost impossible to differentiate the two. Perhaps this can shed some light on how impulsive and irrational we can get when we're "in love" lol. To the poster... I think I understand what you mean. I think it's sort of the element of wanting what you can't have? Perhaps you're more intrigued by him because he's not making himself available to you. I don't know, just throwing out ideas. Do you two live in different cities? Because if you do, I would imagine it would be difficult to start a relationship living far apart.
nastyapple Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 This might sound a bit harsh... but maybe it is because he has been showing you attention. In the past I've got a bit hung up on things like that, but then realised that maybe it was just because they were showing interest in me that I became interested... Do you think if he hadn't have started flirting, you would have intiated it yourself? I hope that makes sense.
Author V_Lala Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Hey thanks for your replies. Haha yeah I've also read about the love and schizophrenia similarities... To answer some new questions, yes unfortunately we live in different cities... But no it's not about wanting what I can't have or because he showed attention -- I would've definitely flirted with him later. Besides in both cases, I believe my feelings would've disappeared by now... But that "mysterious connection" keeps things alive and makes me have the gut instinct that he feels the same way... I don't know what to do
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