chisme68 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hello everyone and thank you for reading... I was with my ex for 5 years and we went through a lot together culminating in starting a family. We had one child (who will be 2 soon) and this seemed to be the trigger in her losing interest in me. We split up just over a year ago but stayed living in the same house (v difficult, not recommended) until recently. She has now started seeing someone, which I have been expecting and preparing myself for and was ready to deal with. But it turns out it's my best friend, whom I have known for 30 years since schooldays. I have many friends but only 3 real confidantes, and he was one of them. A man who should have been alongside me in the trenches, as I have been for him. I don't really know how to feel at the moment - she has all her friends and family around her for constant support (that she doesn't need because she got what she wanted), whereas I have had to deal with this with very little support even though it's me who had his family ripped away from him. What little support I might have got would have been from him, and now this. Is this a familiar story to anyone? I feel like my life is being dismantled brick by brick and I can do nothing to stop it.
DustySaltus Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm real sorry to hear about this. I have a story involving a best friend that did some pretty sneaky stuff to me involving a girl but it was actually at the onset of meeting the girl: We grew up across the street from each other. I was on the subway one day and ran into him with a few people from work. One of those people was "M", a real attractive girl and we hit it off very well. I asked my friend to put in a good word for me with the girl and he refused to, saying that I was a "player". Now, at the time I was out of a relationship and was single for about a 2 year stretch, where I was dating A LOT of women. I never led anyone, everyone knew where they were at. According to him this consistuted me being a "bad guy" and "she is too nice of a girl for me". So I laughed this comment off and asked him "Hey, if you like this girl just let me know and I'll back off but watch what you say about me, because my situation is different than yours (he was going out with someone for 4 years at the time). He said he was not interested in her, but just was trying to protect her. Well, I got in contact with her anyway and we were all set to go out, but then she just fell off the face of the earth. I knew at this point he had said something to her, but he denied it. Turns out he left his girl for this new girl and was messing around with them while they were still together...but hey, I'm the bad guy. I didn't find out until a few months later when I saw them together going into his parents house (because he's 28 and still lives at home). So it was just really weak. I don't really talk to him anymore because I can't trust him. He could've just been a man in the beginning and I would've respected what he said. But the guy falls in love with whatever girl he meets and they always wind up leaving him or cheating on him because he is way too sensitive. This girl is 23 and he's talking about marriage, trust me she's going to break up with him in the next three months...that's his M.O. I don't know how your ex and him got together? Were they upfront about it? Otherwise, that's some real sneaky stuff. As you get older your friends true colors come out.
Author chisme68 Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Thanks Dusty for that, She told me on Monday when I went to hand our child over to her. She was really nervous and I just said 'I might have known' and walked away. She wouldn't know him if she didn't know me, so it's really pathetic. I wanted to keep our family together and didn't want to break up, but at least she could have found herself a boyfriend among the many thousands of suitable candidates in our city, not my best friend. Now she has access to 30 years of me and my friend's 'vault' which she simply does not deserve to have. And my friend will be seeing a lot of my daughter. I have phoned him and told him what I think of him and he says 'sorry man, but it's just feelings'. I would say that they can just get on with it, they deserve each other and to hell with them. But my little daughter is the complicating factor here, somehow I have to find a way to bring her up properly with all this turmoil around her, and it's simply not what I signed up for when I agreed to start a family with this woman.
JLT123 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Seems like a tough situation and I am sorry to hear you're going through it. If it's any consolation, I also live far away from my family, and have had no real support throughout my break-up, whereas my ex had her family to go to often. My natural instinct would be to confront my "friend" about it, but that's probably not the smartest thing to do 'cause it most likely would end in confrontation, and that's not good for anyone. It's definitely something I would want to address, just with as little fallout as possible.
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