beansaregood Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hey, Well me and my girlfriend had been together one year exactly on the day she dumped me, last night. We met while on our gap year and have been together since. We took a three week break in our own countries, then she came to mine last night to start uni, we are both in different cities though. So, I was showing her around my house, and we went up to my room, I had candles all laid out, and I said Happy anniversary. She immediately goes to the bed and asks me to sit next to her. After a while she says my feelings for you have changed and I don't feel anything for you anymore. She decided that when she first saw me at the airport. I asked her if she had cheated on me, she said no. She asked if I want her to book a flight home now. I said it's ok, I already said a long time ago if we broke up she could still come to me. She hadn't cheated on me, so what more could I do, she didn't want to hurt me and respect for telling me straight away. Although I was positive, she was very upset. But down in me, I was heartbroken. I have never felt this pain before and it has really, really affected me. I'm a grown man and I can't go 10 minutes without gettings upset about it. So she is here with me for another 2 weeks. Were going to jersey today, to meet my family. We have said we are not telling them now. I didn't want to make her look like a bitch in front of everyone. But I feel I need to vent this out to someone to help my emotional state. I am madly in love with her (after working out my doubts), she is lovely, beautiful and clever. I want her to change her mind but I'm not sure I can. What should I do? This is my first serious break up. I just need help basically and advice on what to do. Thanks
donnamaria Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm so sorry that you are hurting over the break-up. Did she explain to you in details what the reason's were? And you never saw this coming? Sadly there is really nothing that you could do to change he mind. And I'm sure that you are really hurting over this because this is your first ever break-up. And yes, it's going to hurt for a while, but not forever. Learn from this and move on for your on sake. Hopefully life will and does get better in the love department. Hang in there and be real strong, I wish you the best in the future. There is someone out there waiting to be loved just like you.
adamt Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 If it was me i would not take her to see your family and i wouldnt be hanging out with her. Your only hope is to be apart now so she has a chance to miss you. otherwise you become friends in her eyes. By hanging out with her you are helping her move on.
DustySaltus Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Don't take her to meet your family. She hasn't earned that right at this point. I only introduce people to my family that I am very serious about. As Adam said, you'll get stuck in the friend zone and the only the worse than getting stuck in the friend zone before you go out with someone is after out go with someone. Let her go and please don't think that by introducing her to your family that she will reconsider. Go strict NC with her and begin the healing process for yourself.
adamt Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 By hanging out with her you are showing her that you are ok with the break up and that makes her feel less guilty. By the time the 2 weeks are up she will say "cool, i am glad we can be friends then"
northstar1 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Sorry to hear that man. But reality is, you cannot change her mind. Once her interest level has dropped to the point of where she has told you this, it's pretty much a permanent thing. I mean, it's your life, but I sure as hell would not be chauffering someone around to meet my family after that bombshell. At this point, who cares what your family thinks of her? She broke up with you right?
Smung Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 It's been said but I want to say it again. Don't take her to your parents house. Save that for that someone special!
adamt Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Also i think you are misleading your parents, they will be assuming you are together and will be talking to you as a couple. have more respect for them rather than for someone who jsut broke your heart.
vivrantflo Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 After a while she says my feelings for you have changed and I don't feel anything for you anymore. She decided that when she first saw me at the airport. I trust that you don't believe this. She didn't make her decision when she saw you at the airport. She made her decision loooong before you even anticipated it. But the 3 week break should have been your warning. I asked her if she had cheated on me, she said no. She asked if I want her to book a flight home now. I said it's ok, I already said a long time ago if we broke up she could still come to me. To say that while in the relationship is all fine and dandy, but after a breakup, that goes out the window. Do you really want to be chums with a woman you're in love with? Do you want to be the first person she tells when she finds another man? She'll do it too. I personally would have put her back on a plane for sure. So she is here with me for another 2 weeks. Were going to jersey today, to meet my family. We have said we are not telling them now. I didn't want to make her look like a bitch in front of everyone. If she looks like a bitch in front of your family, then that's tough bananas. Then again, I don't know what you're thinking by wanting to introduce your ex girlfriend to your family. You DO realize that eventually you'll have to inform them of a breakup at some point. So why not now? She lost that right to meet your family by breaking up with you. I am madly in love with her (after working out my doubts), she is lovely, beautiful and clever. I want her to change her mind but I'm not sure I can. What should I do? Go NC, and make her decision final. There's no reason to talk to her anymore.
Author beansaregood Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Noticed I havent written in this. I took on board everything said and went NC. After 2 days she contacted me, upset. I took this that she wanted to get back together but I played it distant. Every night for a week I got a phone call from her crying her eyes out. Sometimes I didn't answer, but after a week I was prepared to take her back, and I let her make the effort and come to me to patch things up. We have now been happy together for another year and counting. thanks for the help
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