Cora Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 So I'm meeting new guy tomorrow for the first time and I'm so nervous I feel sick. Is this normal? I feel bad because I kind of cancelled our plans to meet three times now. I have thought about backing out again this time as well, but I can't! It's not that I dont' like him becauses I do, very much so! Maybe I'm being dumb, but I feel that he is way too out of my league for me. He is hot and well umm I'm not. He tells me I worry too much. I tell him I'm just afraid and have trust issues because last guy lied lied lied to me. He says it's not fair that we haven't even met yet and I'm already making him live in last guys shadow. I know he's right. I'm not giving him a fair chance. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I know I overanalyze and blow things way out of proportion, but it's just how I am. Right now I'm just feeling nervous and sick!:sick:
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Well, I suppose if your goal is to push him away before he's been given a fair shot, you're doing a fantastic job. Cora - this would be a fantastic opportunity for you to just be happy with yourself. Quit looking to a man for validation. Go on the date with the attitude that you are hot ****. If a guy doesn't see that - that's HIS problem - not yours! Hello. Think of your most favorite food ever. Does EVERYBODY like that food? Whose fault is it? The food or the person that doesn't like the food? Good heavens, woman. Just BE. It doesn't matter whether or not he likes you. Go have fun. He'll adore your confidence, at the very least, even if things don't turn out. But you're ruining it with your insecurity.
redhighheels Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 No date is worth this kind of freaking out! Honestly, you just need to take a deep breath and relax! You're doomed if you place yourself on a lower position from the start by assuming he's oh so very out of your league. Please!...This sort of attitude doesn't do you any good - it just oozes insecurity. He's just a guy! You go out, you have fun - if anything more follows, then great! If not, your entire world isn't going to fall apart. Listen to SoulSearch, you are hot ****, think of that when you're getting all dressed up for your date Have fun!
KS882 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I did this with the guy I'm seeing! He's a doctor and pretty independent and I'm currently only doing part time work, he's good looking, I'm pretty plain to be honest. Spent the whole week before out first date actually wondering how I could get out of it I was so nervous! Was convinced he'd be bored for the few hours we'd spend together and he'd hate me or something. I'm not the most confident person but was told by my friends I'm not going to know unless we go out together, I had to give him a chance to decide not push him away. And they were right. So I went on our first date and it was great, we got on so well and didn't stop talking all evening and things are really good at the moment. Enjoy it, the nerves are normal I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun. Enjoy getting ready, spend the day pampering yourself. I know it is slightly different but would you get this nervous if you were going out with friends? He's showing interest, don't push him away before you've given both of you a chance (I'm tired and realised that makes no sense sorry lol). Nerves are normal. Enjoy your date and let us know how it goes!
Author Cora Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Well, I screwed it up. I backed out yet again. We did not meet. I talked about it later with him and he seems like he understands, but I'm afraid I've given him the wrong impression of me. He probably sees me as a flake now. Either that or a wimp, perhaps both. I don't know what's wrong with me....I just don't.
bluewolf17 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Oh Cora! You should have gone! The worst that can happen is that you don't have a connection. At best, you have a great time and meet a cool guy! Dates should be fun.
HisInfernalMajesty Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 The more you back out the harder it's going to be to actually meet him. It sounds like you're backing out of a good opportunity.
Thomas X Forever Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Four cancellations? You might as well write this one off. Seriously. If a girl cancels on me twice even, I cut her off permanently unless it involves someone dying. Post a pic of you and then post a pic of him, let's see whats really going on.
Javelin Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Geesh, Cora, relax...! Just by reading your story, I can tell you're nervous before you even have to mention it. I tell him I'm just afraid and have trust issues because last guy lied lied lied to me. I'm going to guess that you have self-esteem issues, not trust issues and if you're ever going to succeed at dating in the future, then you're going to have to get over them and go for it! Starting with this new guy, so reschedule your date (tonight) and meet him!
You'reasian Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 So I'm meeting new guy tomorrow for the first time and I'm so nervous I feel sick. Is this normal? I feel bad because I kind of cancelled our plans to meet three times now. I have thought about backing out again this time as well, but I can't! It's not that I dont' like him becauses I do, very much so! Maybe I'm being dumb, but I feel that he is way too out of my league for me. He is hot and well umm I'm not. He tells me I worry too much. I tell him I'm just afraid and have trust issues because last guy lied lied lied to me. He says it's not fair that we haven't even met yet and I'm already making him live in last guys shadow. I know he's right. I'm not giving him a fair chance. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I know I overanalyze and blow things way out of proportion, but it's just how I am. Right now I'm just feeling nervous and sick!:sick: Change your current state - watch some comedy, read, go for a walk. Relax a little things will be ok.
Author Cora Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I'm not sure why after the way I have acted, but he still wants to see me. I apologized to him and told him I can only imagine what he must be thinking of me. He said he still likes me, but I could tell he wasn't happy and no I don't blame him. I talked about with him how nervous I get and he said it was okay, but only after telling me that I worry too much and I need to stop thinking so negatively. So we agreed to meet this week and I WILL go through with it this time. I seriously don't get why I'm acting like this. I mean I have been nervous before about meeting a guy for the first time, but I have always gone through with the dates. I NEVER cancel. It's just not my way and I find it VERY rude. Which is why this is so unlike me and I have no idea why I'm doing it. He is very good looking and really sweet and nice, almost too perfect. Which makes me panic and question. Anyway, I will give him a chance. It's the least I can do after he has given me chance after chance. I do really like him. I'm just a big wimp!
Author Cora Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Post a pic of him/you. Why do you want a pic?
Thomas X Forever Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Because I'll tell you if you have anything to worry about. Plus, I'm always curious when someone brags about how hot/good looking someone is. 9 times out of 10 they're wrong.
Gemini09 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I seriously don't get why I'm acting like this. I mean I have been nervous before about meeting a guy for the first time, but I have always gone through with the dates. I NEVER cancel. It's just not my way and I find it VERY rude. Which is why this is so unlike me and I have no idea why I'm doing it. He is very good looking and really sweet and nice, almost too perfect. Which makes me panic and question. Anyway, I will give him a chance. It's the least I can do after he has given me chance after chance. I do really like him. I'm just a big wimp! I wouldn't beat myself up over this. You obviously have a strong fear of being rejected by this guy. You are wanting things to go well, and you are worried it won't work out. Because you do find him very good looking and all its even more intimidating to you. Also, if you have had negative experiences with guys in the past, that makes things worse. You are just anticipating another one. The worst that can happen is he says he's not interested, and while that might hurt and be a total let down, that sort of thing happens all the time. You will never know until you try.
Els Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 What's with all the pic people, seriously? =/ Even IF Cora was less attractive than the man pic-wise, that doesn't mean a darn****. If we're still talking about physical attraction even, often people who look better in photos look worse IRL. Pics are all about photogenicity, NOT really physical attractiveness. There's so many other things; the way they carry themselves, the way they walk and hold their head and smile and wink, that lend themselves to attractiveness. And EVEN then, doesn't anyone honestly believe that all that 'league' and 'ladder' thing based on pure physical attractiveness is just hogwash? By encouraging Cora to think like this by demanding pics and then rating her and the guy right in front of her you guys are probably making things worse. What if someone insensitive says she looks far worse than the guy (just a possibility, because none of us knows for sure)? It'd dash her self-esteem and her chances altogether, when in actual fact she MIGHT have far more to offer than him, just not in the looks department. She might be warmer, more caring, more selfless, more understanding, etc. You know, all those things that actually do matter? But by judging her and the guy purely based on their frickin' pictures, you encourage her to believe that all those wonderful qualities are of no use, and LOOKS is what matters most. WHICH ISN'T AND SHOULDN'T BE TRUE.
Lucky_One Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Have to agree with Elswyth on this one. That being said, I do think that Cora suffers a great deal of insecurity about her looks. And feeling like you have made the most of what you have naturally is a great way to boost self-esteem. If you know that you have a few pounds that could stand to come off for a healthier silhouette, then it's hard to take your clothes off and feel good and confident about your body - so losing a few pounds or toning some areas that are worrisome for you can be a fantastic way to start with the whole self-confidence thing. Cora, what is the gym situation like in your town? Now is a great time for you to start hanging out there, while you aren't working a regular job!
Author Cora Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks......I think I'm just depressed.
Javelin Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks......I think I'm just depressed. Geesh Woman, cheer up! You have a date with a guy whom YOU think is hot! What more could you want?!
Author Cora Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Well, guy isn't really talking to me right now, but who could blame him?
stepka Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 You're right Cora, who could blame him? The fact that he stuck around this long must mean that he likes you a lot and really wants to meet you. Why not go for something low pressure like a coffee date to start off with? Then totally be yourself b/c it won't work anyway if you're fake--he either will sense the falseness of your front or he'll learn to like someone you're not. He may not even be as handsome as his pic anyway--I met a guy who was really hot in his pic once only to get there and realize that he's gained over a hundred lbs since that pic was taken.
Gemini09 Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Well, guy isn't really talking to me right now, but who could blame him? I'm sorry to hear he isn't talking to you. I'm sure there will be other chances, if not with him, and next time try not to worry about it so much.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Was this the guy who was pestering you to meet up and constantly texted you, or is he a new guy? C, you're letting past hurts come between you meeting new people. You should quit dating for a month to gain a new perspective on things before you decide to venture off into meeting guys online again.
Author Cora Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Was this the guy who was pestering you to meet up and constantly texted you, or is he a new guy? C, you're letting past hurts come between you meeting new people. You should quit dating for a month to gain a new perspective on things before you decide to venture off into meeting guys online again. Yeah, this is the same guy and I wasn't looking to meet anyone. I did not meet him on a dating website. He emailed me and he seemed interesting so I responded. As bad as this may sound, I figured he could help me get over the last guy. I thought we could be friends at most and I told him I wasn't looking for anything, but he persisted that we meet, as friends and see where things go from there. I found him extremely annoying at first and wasn't interested in anything romantic with him at all, but he started to grow on me. I find myself quite interested in him now. I'm not used to guys chasing me like that. I think I freaked out. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to dating. I talked to him this morning and he says he has just been super busy. I think he could just be blowing me off and using that as an excuse. I mean it's funny how he wasn't too busy when he was chasing me the last couple of weeks. I can't really blame him if the too busy excuse is just a blow off after the way I treated him. I hope it's not too late to fix this. I wish I could start over with him because I think things got started off on the wrong foot. Of course you don't always get second chances....well in my case fourth and fifth chances. That's just life and life isn't always fair. Sometimes you screw up too much to rectify things. I have apologized to him, but I can't expect for him to give me yet another chance. I guess all I can do is to learn from this mistake. HA I suck at dating!! Well in my case I suck at even getting to the date part!
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I have apologized to him, but I can't expect for him to give me yet another chance. I guess all I can do is to learn from this mistake. I say you give it ONE last shot. Tell him you made a huge mistake. Tell him the time and place and tell him you'll be there and it's up to him to decide if he still wants to meet you...that you're putting yourself out there in spite of your fear. Do NOT cancel on him, do NOT stand him up. You show up and put your ass in the seat. You be 10 mins early. And whether or not he shows up...at least you will have earned yourself some bragging rights for not being weak. Put yourself in his shoes...you are really interested in meeting somebody. They aren't sure. You make all kinds of concessions to work with them (and 95% of the population won't even put forth half that effort, Cora - most people DON'T CARE) so they feel comfortable. They cancel the first, the second, the third date. You finally give up and they contact you asking you, "What's up?" LOL Can you see how absurd this is? The poor guy was totally played with by you. That wasn't fair. I'm not saying you owe HIM anything - but you sure as hell owe YOURSELF something - reclaim your power, sweetie.
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