Oh how easily we are replaced....

[phoenix1]

I just ended again, an on and off relationship, that I thought ended with lots of love, but just the acceptance that we were at different places. When we broke up he felt like he wasn't ready to settle down, "didn't want to be in a relationship right now", etc. He told me what a loss it was to not be at place where he could settle down. Our on and off relationship was always around ambivalence because he would leave me, always miss me and regret it. We both struggled with accepting this, and he really did try. I could understand and accept that we were at different places. Given his new freedom, I pretty much expected to see him play the field for awhile. Although difficult, I could handle that. Instead he is intensely pursuing, basically, a relationship with someone already! Exactly what he said he didn't want.

 

Just like that I was replaced. Took him no time at all. He told me he "really likes" this girl, and apparently been spending a lot of time with her. (I just started NC again). I can't believe that he could just move on, just like that. Like I meant nothing, like our relationship meant nothing. It makes me feel like it wasn't that he didn't want to be in a relationship - he just didn't want to be in one with me! After spending 2 1/2 yrs with me.

 

How can someone be in love with someone one day, and they are completely forgotten the next? It feels like it just discounts everything we had together, everything he just said to me when we last talked only days before. I mean, I don't know if this will last, but it could. I know I need to not think about it, and let it go - that's the logical part. But the emotional part is that I am so hurt that he can just switch gears, just like that.

 

How do people deal with this pain? Why couldn't he have waited a minute before jumping into it with someone else? Have some respect for what we had, heal? I am so heartbroken and praying to stop obsessing about this. Help me. I need understanding and suggestions.

[broken_promises]

Ugh.. right there with you. I recommend you read "Men Who Can't Love" (i think that is the title) about commitment phobia. It sounds just like your ex. I also was replaced. It just destroys everything you thought you had and who you thought you were to the other person.

[icyness]

Also right there with you Phoenix, I am so very sorry.

 

I wish we could begin to understand half of it.

My situation is very similar to yours; 2.5 years and he just decides he needs to be free 2 months ago. I am not sure if he is with someone else, but for all I know he very well could be..I have no clue if that's why he really left or not.

 

I remember conversations very clear and play things in my head over and over, it's so bizarre how they literally turn into a stranger.

You'd think if any of the relationship meant anything at all, they'd be a bit more on the gentle side about it..I never in my life thought this person I invested so much in could be so callous, it's mind blowing.

 

I know the pain and constant questions are enough to drive you out of your mind every minute of the day; I wish I had answers for you, but know you're defintely not alone.

I don't even know how I'm getting through each day at this point, but I am somehow.

Talk to anyone you can, do little things to make yourself feel better, post, anything to get you through it.

Here for you. *big hugs*

[Bobby2010]

Know the feeling. 3 years together and she replaced me within days.

 

It's called being a coward. Our ex's are f***ing cowards.

 

Their feelings changed a LONG TIME AGO but they were too gutless to say it They wait for a time which is convenient for them, no matter how much more it hurts us.

[Dlyrica]

Yep, rebounds get ya good.

 

Try to stay away from his life. If you have mutual friends, make sure the conversation does not involve your ex. If you have facebook/ myspace either delete your exe's and all his friends or atleast STAY OFF them, don't even look at his friends because you will no doubt find something out about his life that you DO NOT want to know. Do not call. Do not text. Let them move on with their life, if they want that so bad then give it to them.

 

Hang in there, I'm right there with you, you are worth more and you'll find it, no doubt.

[silic0ntoad]

You will never be replaced. At least, not in the honest sense. I know I never will.

 

My ex was treated like trash. Her family loved me, because I treated her well and as a man should- and I still got kicked to the curb.

 

It will come back to haunt them. These lame, gowardly choices.

 

 

But, don't look at it as being replaced. Instead, you are set free to find a person who would NEVER put you through this sh*t again.

[Nedved]

Know the feeling. 3 years together and she replaced me within days.

 

It's called being a coward. Our ex's are f***ing cowards.

 

Their feelings changed a LONG TIME AGO but they were too gutless to say it They wait for a time which is convenient for them, no matter how much more it hurts us.

 

Totally agree!! My ex left me after 4 years together and she was a total coward the way she done it. Would'nt give me a straight answer. I really believe we're better off without these people in the long run. My ex was spineless and so very much up her own a**. I'm glad i found out what she was really like deep down even if i had a horrible summer getting over it.

[EmperorR]

Sadly we can't compete with somehjng new and shiny, alot of these people are cowards and can't function beig alone. My ex was the same cheated with some guy in another country came back dumped me 3 days later a new friend cough cough appears a week later dating

[jv032889]

You will never be replaced. At least, not in the honest sense. I know I never will.

 

My ex was treated like trash. Her family loved me, because I treated her well and as a man should- and I still got kicked to the curb.

 

It will come back to haunt them. These lame, gowardly choices.

 

 

But, don't look at it as being replaced. Instead, you are set free to find a person who would NEVER put you through this sh*t again.

 

 

I concur! I feel sorry for my ex...she will eventually realize she let me go for the wrong reasons. I was honest, loyal, caring, loving...

[caramel c]

You will never, ever, ever be replaced! You are unique, you are one of a kind, and your ex will never be so lucky again. Pretty soon you won't care, either. If you can, try to fantasize the day that you just don't care. Try to think to yourself - what will my NEXT love be like? I did that yesterday, and it helped.

[Exit]

Know the feeling. 3 years together and she replaced me within days.

 

It's called being a coward. Our ex's are f***ing cowards.

 

Their feelings changed a LONG TIME AGO but they were too gutless to say it They wait for a time which is convenient for them, no matter how much more it hurts us.

 

So true. My ex was in a 4 year relationship before she met me, she bailed on it within a matter of days to start dating me, obviously she was unhappy for a long time but hung onto him just to avoid being alone. Same thing with me, now I know that all the things I thought were "red flags" really were happening, she wouldn't kiss me, we were being less intimate, and I would point these things out, and ask her to talk, and she'd act like nothing was wrong. Guess it would have been too much trouble to admit to the problems, confront them, and try to fix them. Rather just keep dating me as you get sick of me a little more each day, allow your feelings for me to die, and then breakup with me as soon as you can handle it.

[caramel c]

So true. My ex was in a 4 year relationship before she met me, she bailed on it within a matter of days to start dating me, obviously she was unhappy for a long time but hung onto him just to avoid being alone. Same thing with me, now I know that all the things I thought were "red flags" really were happening, she wouldn't kiss me, we were being less intimate, and I would point these things out, and ask her to talk, and she'd act like nothing was wrong. Guess it would have been too much trouble to admit to the problems, confront them, and try to fix them. Rather just keep dating me as you get sick of me a little more each day, allow your feelings for me to die, and then breakup with me as soon as you can handle it.

 

That is absolutely terrible...

[phoenix1]

Thank you everybody for your he perspectives on this. I like what you said Silicontoad - you're right I will never be replaced, I am unique. And you know the truth is that I think he will regret losing me sooner rather than later. He actually kind told that knew he would, as we were breaking up.

 

I know all the things people said, logically, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell right now. I keep thinking of them, happy, having someone a good time, and feel so stupid that I am so upset. I try not to think of them, shove it out of my mind, but it just haunts me. How could someone that was professing there love for me, less than 2 weeks ago, and wanting to get back together just switch up like that? Guess I'm glad I didn't fall for it, it obviously just a whim, only words.

[caramel c]

Thank you everybody for your he perspectives on this. I like what you said Silicontoad - you're right I will never be replaced, I am unique. And you know the truth is that I think he will regret losing me sooner rather than later. He actually kind told that knew he would, as we were breaking up.

 

I know all the things people said, logically, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell right now. I keep thinking of them, happy, having someone a good time, and feel so stupid that I am so upset. I try not to think of them, shove it out of my mind, but it just haunts me. How could someone that was professing there love for me, less than 2 weeks ago, and wanting to get back together just switch up like that? Guess I'm glad I didn't fall for it, it obviously just a whim, only words.

 

It doesn't make sense, I know, and its such a messed up situation to be in. You are not alone!!! I am hurting as well, I feel pain every single day. I just recently got to a point where I can take my mind off of it for a few minutes. This is progress. I went through an angry stage, now I'm not so angry. I'm not gonna lie, its still very much a part of me, this breakup...but it's getting better little by little. You will get through this, you will be JUST FINE. I promise!!

[jlr]

I know exactly how you feel too.

 

They ARE cowards.

 

My ex of FIVE years breaks up with me, then we essentially still go back and forth for like 7 months after, then she runs to some new guy who she thinks is going to fix all her indecision and pain.

 

They never deal with things, they never truly heal. They just run to the next shiny new person. One day it will hit them. You can't keep running to the next thing, everything stops being shiny and new after a while. Love isn't about what's shiny and new, it's what comes after that. It's loving and being loved for who we really are. Everyone seems great at first!

 

For me, I think it's one of two things - she either stopped feeling the same about me a long time ago, and just hung on until she garnered the courage to break up. This one sucks if it's the case, because we were together for 5 years. It's like how many of those years were a sham? Or option 2: She's confused and does care about me - which explains the back and forth after, and to some degree, her still popping up now and again now - and it's just easier to run off to something brand new, then to deal with her problems, or with something difficult. Easier to start over than to repair. Hell, it's probably a combination of both.

 

Either way, it sucks. And it hurts like hell. And I'm so sorry you have to go through it. Sorry any of us have had to.

 

But, know you're not alone at all.

 

And also know - the others are right, you will never really be replaced. One day it will hit them that they ****ed up and lost someone special due to their stupidity.

 

Sorry for the long rant. Hang in there.

[northstar1]

So true. My ex was in a 4 year relationship before she met me, she bailed on it within a matter of days to start dating me, obviously she was unhappy for a long time but hung onto him just to avoid being alone. Same thing with me, now I know that all the things I thought were "red flags" really were happening, she wouldn't kiss me, we were being less intimate, and I would point these things out, and ask her to talk, and she'd act like nothing was wrong. Guess it would have been too much trouble to admit to the problems, confront them, and try to fix them. Rather just keep dating me as you get sick of me a little more each day, allow your feelings for me to die, and then breakup with me as soon as you can handle it.

Patterns rarely change.

 

Now you can look back and see that her jumping from a LTR to you in days was a red flag, as can i as it happened to me with my ex.

[JooLee]

How can someone be in love with someone one day, and they are completely forgotten the next? It feels like it just discounts everything we had together, everything he just said to me when we last talked only days before. I mean, I don't know if this will last, but it could. I know I need to not think about it, and let it go - that's the logical part. But the emotional part is that I am so hurt that he can just switch gears, just like that.

 

This part, to this day i have not found the answer, only logical explanation that perharps he never really truly felt all that he claimed to have felt for you. or perharps he decided to stop feeling "in love" with you long before he broke up with you. whatever it is, it is best to stop thinking of why and how he did what he did but instead focus on how you can get out of this and feel better.

 

The more you obsess about it, the more you're entangled in this sick mess of love.

 

it dumbfounds me how people can jus switch just like that, and again the only thing i can say is their emotions were not true.

 

How do people deal with this pain? Why couldn't he have waited a minute before jumping into it with someone else? Have some respect for what we had, heal? I am so heartbroken and praying to stop obsessing about this. Help me. I need understanding and suggestions.

 

the reason why he didnt wait a minute was probably because he fell out of love way before and he had you stick around for his own comfort and needs. and once he found someone new to patheticly grope on to, he felt the security that he'll be fine without you. this is weakness.

 

A way you can divert your obsession is to think of things another way. He is so weak that he has to depend on someone else to stand. On the other hand, you're here, standing (maybe semi standing) on your on, and instead of jumping to the next dude, you're actually trying to be your own person. Stop idolising him and pondering how could someone be that cruel. instead, realise that this is how it is. this is how life is, and this is what relationships is in the end. A betrayal. So you keep walking with your head up, wish him the best in life and tryyy your best to block whatever memories left you have of him from your life.

 

he may be out and about all smiley with his new girl, but that's not a man. that is a weak pathetic boy.

YOU are and will be the awesome girl, who does things for herself, and wont need to depend on anyone to make you happy.

As soon as you realise how much you are worth, thats then you will start feeling better. you're living you're life for yourself, not him.

YOU make yourself happy.

 

Hope this helps. you're not alone. and time plays a huge role on your state

[silic0ntoad]

Thank you everybody for your he perspectives on this. I like what you said Silicontoad - you're right I will never be replaced, I am unique. And you know the truth is that I think he will regret losing me sooner rather than later. He actually kind told that knew he would, as we were breaking up.

 

I know all the things people said, logically, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell right now. I keep thinking of them, happy, having someone a good time, and feel so stupid that I am so upset. I try not to think of them, shove it out of my mind, but it just haunts me. How could someone that was professing there love for me, less than 2 weeks ago, and wanting to get back together just switch up like that? Guess I'm glad I didn't fall for it, it obviously just a whim, only words.

 

No one can be replaced. He is living in a dream. Reality will smash him down, like it does to all who are cowardly. I have no regard for the cowardly or meek. Their actions are wholly selfish and destructive to others.

 

Well, It's easier said than done. It does hurt. You feel dirty. Taken advantage of. Used. Your thoughts drift to them fooling around. What if he/she says the same stuff to them that they said to me?

 

Well, like I said, reality has a way of checking in. You can't focus on that. The world is FULL of energetic, awesome people. Focus on finding yourself and counting yourself among their number. You will be better for it.

 

Regards.

 

-B