smookie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Ok, Long story short. We broke up 3 months ago after a long relationship. He has been contacting me via phone text and attempting emails. I have been helping him find a job. Today I got emotional about the contact again ewnt NC for a few months. I just told him that I missed him sometime. His reply was you really have to start to date again. get over me and date, The thing is just yesterday he was asking me to email jobs out here (we live 2.5 hours away from each other), this is my problem with him. He said that we are nothing alike and when it is over then move on do nto think of the past as he never does as well he said he was over it now and have started to ask girls out on dates but they all reject him (he says) because of his fat belly. He then said well I am sure that guys have asked you out on a date already. I told him no not at all (very new to this place). I just do nto get any of this, why would he be statingall of this? By the way I am the one that broke up with him, we are both in our 30's. Please help I do nto understand it at all.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 He's friend-zoned you, and you are not ready for it. You have to establish complete No Contact. Don't even tell him you're doing it. No wonder you can't sleep! You still love him, you're not over him, and you're doing all kinds of stuff for him? let him find his own way, because by clinging to your virtues, he's sucking you dry... No 'yes but', no 'what if', no 'I can't'..... Just do it. Go complete, totally global No Contact. (read Caliguy's link in my signature). Erase all and any means of being connected to him, and close off all avenues for him to contact you. It will hurt - jeesh, will it ever hurt ! - for a while, but you need to do this, to heal, move on - and get some sleep at last.
smookie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I am taking it that this friend zoning is people that are undateable? He has always confussed me.. I did not answer the phoness when he called tonight because I knew that it would not be good for myself. I just do nto know how someone can shut there feelings off like that after 7 years. I know in the past relationship I never had a boyfriend like this one... It is different and I am scared. I did good up until this last week then all of a sudden the feelings crushed me, The thought of him gives me panic attacks. i dream about him. it's just insane.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 "friend Zoning" is taking a person with whom we were previously intimate, up close and personal and committed to, and just treating them like a good ol' buddy who's always there for us, and we can use as a sounding board for favours, company and just a good time, because although we're no longer an item and a couple, hey! They're too nice and accommodating to give up completely, aren't they? That's what you are. A 'good ol' buddy' he can call on any time, for a chat, a favour, and comparing notes. Now you know what he's doing - put a stop to it. You're really not ready to be friend-Zoned at all.
smookie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Your right , he has put me there , I did tell him though that I was not going to keep in contact with him any longer and that the contact from both sides has to stop . I know that if I do not say anything and just stop contact he will call text non stop until I get back to him. It has been a few hours and all is good. thanks for the advise and the learning lesson tonight.
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