BCE Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hello, well i am getting married next year. i am happy but also worried. Im worried of divorce and my assets. i own a house which is in my name, i have a car, a good job and i pay all the bills. im a independent girl. yes he helps with food but thats it. i do the rest due to his back injury. i just want to know that everything i worked so hard to get will not be lost if something like divorce were to happen. could i lose everything?
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 IMO, it's best to have a consultation with a lawyer. IME, you bring an outline of what your situation is, what you want to do, and then spend some time going over things and listening to your legal options. At that point, you can choose to retain the lawyer and proceed or not. The consultation generally is free. Considering the disability involved, there are a lot more issues for you getting married than a pre-nup. Be clear on your options and responsibilities, both severally and as a couple. You wouldn't lose 'everything', but a divorce would impact you economically. I'm going through one right now without a pre-nup involved. Fortunately, it's amicable. There are no guarantees in life.
Sweetcheripie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 The wise, cautious side of me says absolutely talk with an atty. The romantic in me says if you are thinking about a prenup maybe you shouldn't get married.
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 With her BF/fiance being disabled or permanently injured, I think it's prudent to think of the future, whether it be divorce or for estate planning purposes. I see it as a positive process, ensuring he feels like a full partner and bears responsibility and benefit commensurate with his abilities and contribution. I would say the same thing if the 'he' were a 'she'. IMO, it's gender neutral. OP, you won't 'lose everything' in a divorce. That's a given. What are you worried about? How long have you and he been together? Something tells me long past the honeymoon period of a couple years. That's OK. Having a calm perspective on things can be a positive. Work through it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Pragmatically speaking, if you're American, how does your healthcare plan view pre-existing conditions with new spouses? If there's no or little coverage, a prenup won't save the costs associated to medical care. I'm also a big believer in prenups but you have to look at this in a practical fashion. Do you own the house outright or are you upside down on the mortgage? Do you own your car or are you still paying it off? Prenups are only worthwhile if you have a reasonable amount of net assets to protect.
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 A good attorney can assess a person's parameters and suggest alternatives to a pre-nup as appropriate. The key, IME, is that they bring up scenarios and implications that one might not otherwise have considered. The OP may find other strategies to achieve her goals than getting a pre-nup. She won't know until she takes the first step. TBF, would you put a number of .5MM net as a reasonable one? My attorney opined .25MM, but, with businesses, it's hard to value the risk/growth/exposure looking forward. If the OP is a professional or owns a business, that's a factor, irrespective of current net worth. Even upside down on a mortgage (versus current market value), in ten years, that picture could look completely different. There are strategies for everything. Most of my business colleagues structure their businesses in certain ways and have trusts to handle issues of community property and pre-nups. That's why they have lawyers on retainer. Options
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 In this scenario, there doesn't appear to be any business or businesses involved. I think 1/4M is enough to protect, if it's based on net worth.
carhill Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm thinking back to my mid 20's, when I had a job, a house, a couple vehicles and a rental property. Back then, my net was well under 100K (in period dollars), but, looking back, it was the kernel of what was to come. If I had married then, 10 years would've seen huge changes, both in work (job to business owner) and property/asset mix. IDK. It's a hard decision. Good on the OP for considering the reality of it. Her life is fluid as well, and decisions we make today can have far-reaching effects. Think it through, emotionally as well as cognitively.
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 There's only so much seed you can protect with a prenup, if it's not business or trust related.
shunter Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 get a pre-nup. i am getting one done right now with an attorney. if your partner doesnt like the idea, then why get married? if you are going to be together forever, who cares about the prenup?? if the marriage is over, you dont have someone with leverage over you and the divorce wont be so painful. i hope to be married forever and ever .. but if it doesnt work out, then whats mine is mine and whats hers is hers. at least we are both in it for the RIGHT reasons
Thaddeus Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 if your partner doesnt like the idea, then why get married? if you are going to be together forever, who cares about the prenup??Bingo. Nobody with any significant assets, or with children from a previous relationship, should even consider marriage without an ironclad pre-nup. Sure, it's not romantic and yes it can be a difficult topic to bring up. But even the suggestion of a pre-nup will tell you volumes about your intended-partner's intentions. If he/she is vehemently opposed, then that's a pretty good indication that they're interested in something other than you as a person. But if they're agreeable, then that tells you something else, something very, very good.
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