nolongerboo Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hi All, I'm new to this forum and am having such a hard time right now. I don't have a lot of friends to talk to about this... since many of them think I should of ended my relationship a long time ago.... Long story short... my boyfriend of 1.5 years has broken up with me... again. And this time, I'm trying to be strong... not the pathetic, begging to be with me person that I have become. It just seems like every time I say something he doesn't want to hear... he ends it... and I end up apologizing and running to him... clutching at anything and everything to ask him not to leave me. I don't even recognize myself anymore and my self-esteem is shot... So this time when he left, I told him I wasn't going to chase him anymore. I don't think he cares but my heart is shattered... I so want to reach out to him again but there's only so much I can take... so I'm looking for some help.... to get me through this....
ahotmess Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Take it in stride. Do whatever you have to do, let me rephrase that...do whatever "healthy" thing you have to do, to just get through the next minute...the next hour...the next day....whatever it is that you can do to get by. Cry when you need to, call a friend or family member, surf the web. Go to the movies...even if you don't want to and don't pay attention to the movie..it's a distraction. Try not to contact him. I know that there are some die hard NC pushers here. I'm not a die hard NC advocate..but I STRONGLY believe in it. If the guy wants you....nothing will stop him from making that point. You need to heal, with or without him. Good luck. PM me if you ever need.
HBJen Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hey Boo, Let me just say, I am in the exact same boat as you. I had been with my ex for 2.5 years, and 1 year ago he left me very unexpectantly - and I was BEGGING for him to come back - I even flew to see him and convince him to come back to me, which he did. Now here I am, over a year later - and he did it again. This time, I am doing everything I can to not contact him, and I have been successful in doing so for the past week and a half. Let me say, its the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I sob every day, I can barely keep myself together - but, this time - I am not going to bring myself to that level again. I love him, with every inch of my heart....but I do realize deep down that he has to want me just the same for it to ever work. Hold tight girl, dont let the temptation get you. Be strong, you will surprise yourself how proud you are for maintaining your strength, and if he wants you, if he truly loves you - then he will be the one to contact you....and if he doesnt, then you will be much better off. xx Jen
JenniferxO Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I was in a VERY similar situation.. dated a guy for 1.5 years, he'd always end it, and I'd come running back, even after he slept with other women. Its disgusting. I know how hard it is to not run back, but you need to really think about it. Is it worth it? Will it happen again? Whats more important, my happiness, or his? Think long and hard. I know the answers seem pretty simple, and self explanatory, but when you're in a tough situation like this, it's actually very difficult. Maybe you should distance yourself, give it time before speaking with him, so you don't have an urge to beg and plead. Not saying jump into NC right away, but Little contact maybe. Work on yourself, do things you enjoy! Whatever it is, make time for it. It will definitely help. I've always told myself.. if he treats me like this now, I highly doubt i'll ever wake up to prince charming. meaning, they never change. He doesn't agree with something in the relationship, or his life, or whatever it is. And feels the need to end it. Maybe he's just playing games. Whatever it is, it's not worth it. Just keep your head above the water sweety, Don't give into him anymore. If he wants to really make things work, he will.
moo Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 NC is hard. I've been NC for almost a month now and every day it is hard to keep it. every day I have to make a promise to my roommate and myself that I will not initiate contact. Sometimes I get very anxious and I want to run to him, but he treats me like I have a disease. There is no one for me to run to. When he decided he was done with me, he turned into a robot- no emotions, one line conversations..etc. I stay NC to keep from wrecking my self-esteem. Try to be strong and hang it there.
icyness Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 NC is hard. I've been NC for almost a month now and every day it is hard to keep it. every day I have to make a promise to my roommate and myself that I will not initiate contact. Sometimes I get very anxious and I want to run to him, but he treats me like I have a disease. There is no one for me to run to. When he decided he was done with me, he turned into a robot- no emotions, one line conversations..etc. I stay NC to keep from wrecking my self-esteem. Try to be strong and hang it there. Exactly how my ex is treating me; I never thought anyone could be so cold after being in such a loving relationship..it's unreal how people can do this. I feel like such an idiot for crying my eyes out everyday over someone who apparently doesn't know I'm alive anymore. It's going to be hard as hell, but keep NC hun. I have to fight myself every minute not to contact him; it's like an addiction. I wait a little bit, it passes, I'm glad I didn't do it. A while later, I'm back at wanting to do it again. Know you're not alone, as you see so many others here going through the same thing, we'll help you get through it day by day. Do whatever you have to do, and post. Hang in there. xo
Author nolongerboo Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I feel like I'm going to break down.... I just saw him (we work in the same building)..... All I wanted to do is run over to him. Why am I so weak when he blantantly wants nothing to do with me. I walked in the other direction, but my heart is still breaking
joyinSF Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 i just joined this forum, and wow, i mean, i can understand what you are going through. when you see your ex, you just want to hug him because you feel protected. its hard. me and my ex broke up 5 days ago and its hard to see him. dont run up to him. dont look at him. try to keep your mind busy. im struggling with it myself. trust me. it hurts~!
JLT123 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 My ex gf ended a 3 year relationship on a hangup. This was a woman I was going to propose to on Christmas day. I have been in a dark hole of depression for two months because she threw the new guy in my face. I met someone else that is a way better person than her and I can't get her out of my head. If you're used to waking up every morning and having someone kick you in the butt, then that becomes a comfort to you. It's taken some time for me to realize that, but nothing really helps sometimes. I came to the conclusion that NC does not work in the beginning, at least for me. Had I been more persistent when the break-up first occured then I would be in a different place right now. That being said, if you know it is truly over, then NC is the best thing for you. I have punished myself time and again because, honestly, I sometimes don't know any other way to feel but sad because I've felt this way for so long. I would say focus on yourself, which is the right thing to do, but it's all BS because your mind is going to wander regardless. It's like telling you to not think of pink elephants for 30 seconds. The one thing I will say, though, is that with time, it does get easier. It inches along at a very inconvenient rate, but it does get better. You'll start to forget, and the pain of forgetting is almost as hard as the break-up itself because you love the person, and love is, really, unconditional. I have never fought for any woman in the course of my lifetime save for the last person I dated and it blew up in my face. Take the black and white of that and roll with it.
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