WhyYesThankYou Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hi guys. I have a counselling appointment scheduled for about an hour and a half from now. I'm thinking of just not going. I don't feel like it. I feel like nothing's really going to make much of a difference, and I've had to be around people all week - have really felt under pressure. This is the one thing that's in my power to just blow off. But then part of me thinks it's exactly that type of thinking that means I should be going to my appointment anyway. What do you think?
Tony T Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Hold in your mind the reason you made the appointment...the reason you are going. Keep that thought. Become passionate about improving yourself, the situation or whatever. Makes some notes on what you'd like to talk to the counselor about. Make the time productive. By all means, GO! Talking to a counselor and getting professional feedback is an excellent way to make yourself a better human. The key is making sure you're going to an excellent counselor. It's simply not fair to yourself or the counselor to be irresponsible and cancel at the last minute...or just not show up. GO and make it a productive session....
Dlyrica Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I would go...I wish I had someone like that to talk to.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Part of me knows you're right. Part of me is so incredibly frustrated. The public health care system provided a psychiatrist for me since I was feeling suicidal, and that doctor gave me a prescription and laughed me out of his office. My counsellor, thinking it's not cool for a psychiatrist to laugh at someone who's suicidal, referred me to a private psychiatrist. A very expensive appointment later, I felt understood and got a prescription for a different medicine. I felt hopeful. But then my regular doctor said the other medicine won't make any difference. So I feel hopeless. And I feel like all this counselling, all this medical crap, is worthless. As am I. It is difficult, under those circumstances, to be bothered going. I know I sound frustrating. I should go! I should make use of the time! But I feel like I should just make space on the earth for people who can keep appointments and make good use of their time without having to seek prompts from others.
Dlyrica Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Well maybe going to the appointment will make you feel better. At the very least talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts. I dont know what else to tell you...
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Thank you. I think I will go. I'm very, very tired of this. I feel sometimes like I'm watching the rest of the world through glass. Everyone else seems to have these connections that I don't. I know everyone has problems. But I feel so... distant sometimes. Thank you, anonymous cyber-correspondents.
Sweetcheripie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I hope you went and hope it went well. Oftentimes, when someone feels like blowing off a counseling appt is the BEST time to go. It means that the therapist is getting to a point where you feel uncomfortable. It is at that point of honesty when some clarity and GREAT work can happen. Stick with it!
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I went, but it didn't go well. I wasn't able to talk to the counsellor. Like, literally, I sat there paralyzed. So she called the psychiatrist and called the crisis team, and I waited for the hour, but they never came, so I left. Then they spent all night calling my mobile. Apparently they had the police looking for me. That seems so absurd; there's actual crime being committed - people who want to live are being murdered. It seems like the police's time would be better spent dealing with that, rather than chasing someone who spends much of her time wanting to be dead. If I felt like anything were improving, or could improve, I'd stick with it. But I keep getting different stories - one doctor tells me the other one is wrong, etc - and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired. I just want it to be over.
Sweetcheripie Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Oh honey - please answer your mobile. You are very important and your therapist wants to help. Life seems horrible and miserable right now but it can get better. Please call your therapist and then post back to let me know you did.
Funky Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I really hope that you change your mind about everything and go back to get help, not to be mean but it sounds like you need it. I have my appointment today and am really looking forward to it. Just want to get everything off my chest, sure I've done it with friends, but now I will be able to be truly honest with myself about everything. Happy my appointment is today, cuz today is not a good day for me.
moo Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I went, but it didn't go well. I wasn't able to talk to the counsellor. Like, literally, I sat there paralyzed. So she called the psychiatrist and called the crisis team, and I waited for the hour, but they never came, so I left. Then they spent all night calling my mobile. Apparently they had the police looking for me. That seems so absurd; there's actual crime being committed - people who want to live are being murdered. It seems like the police's time would be better spent dealing with that, rather than chasing someone who spends much of her time wanting to be dead. If I felt like anything were improving, or could improve, I'd stick with it. But I keep getting different stories - one doctor tells me the other one is wrong, etc - and I'm just tired of it. I'm tired. I just want it to be over. Hi, The reason why the police was looking for you was probably that everyone was sooooo concerned about you. They saw you as being in crisis and wanted to make sure you were not going to hurt yourself. As for the psychiatrist- I had one who was just a complete idiot. All that schooling doesn't fill people with empathy...either you have it or you don't. Some people shouldn't work in mental health. your family doctor can prescribe the meds. If you trust your family doctor, maybe you should ask him or her for the depression medication. The only difference is that a psychiatrist can monitor you better. You meet with the psychiatrist once and month and tell her or him how you are doing. In situations where people don't have any money or there is no psychiatrist in the area, people get meds from their doctor. Like a therapist, a good psychatrist may be hard to find. I myself am on Lexapro for depression. It helps. It really helps. It may not be appropriate for everyone though. If you trust your doctor, why don't you have a talk about medications your doctor thinks will be best. You can also get input from your therapist.
JL911 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Ive been seeing a therapist for the past 4 weeks...Another appointment here today at 4. Things tend to get a lot worse before they start getting better. You need to go, do everything in your power to be good to yourself and get over this horrible event. I didnt think it was necessary, but I decided that I needed an objective voice to sit there and help. Someone who knows what they are doing. I really like my therapist and will continue to go even after the fact. They make you deal with things you would rather repress and hold in. They bring out the pain and you cope and move past the hardships of life. I considered anti-depressants, but have yet to make the move because im not 100% sure I need them just yet. I am sad I am depressed, but what else can you be when your heart is crushed. Its not going to go away overnight, nor will it if you bottle up all your feelings. I just want to get it out, get it done, and get this over with and move on with my life towards happiness again. There have been a lot of sleepless nights, crying, and days without food. It HURTS a lot still. But I need to be strong and keep moving forward. Its really hard when you are left with a lot of questions and you blame yourself for someone elses change of heart... Become stronger, move forward, and become a better person....Thats all I keep telling myself.
Author WhyYesThankYou Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Thanks, everyone. I'm glad that you guys are being proactive and doing things that are helpful and beneficial to you. I applaud you. I'd wanted something similar for myself, which I why I went in for the whole counselling thing. But it's just a mess... The counsellor has asked me things about my childhood, you know, all that early-attachment stuff... and the answers are just so far away from "normal." I read the report the psychiatrist wrote, and it's just so bleak and depressing. It feels like they're no hope. If I was behaving strangely as a newborn, it doesn't feel like there's any hope for improving things, you know? I was just an error. A bad apple. The irony is that when someone is as unable to engage with people as I am, it makes it harder to do all this therapy stuff. And it doesn't help when I finally do take the risk of talking to someone, and they end up giving me conflicting advice, calling the cops, whatever. I feel worse, not better. But thanks, guys. I'm glad you're having more positive experiences.
Kamille Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 If I was behaving strangely as a newborn, it doesn't feel like there's any hope for improving things, you know? the good news is you don't have to be alone facing those emotions and challenges. I know you don't see it now, but I did cognitive therapy and it has given me better coping mechanisms. At the time, I felt, like you, that if these things were so ingrained in me from childhood, then there was little hope of me changing. And yes, I dropped out of a therapy. But the words of my psychologists stuck with me and have helped me assess new situations differently. To the point where I've now returned to therapy, even though I need it less now then I did then. And yes, you will likely have to put up with some non-sense from the therapists, cops, etc. Humour them. My point is, in spite of some bs, there is more good then harm to therapy. So please hang in there.
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