quankanne Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 wasn't sure the best place to put this, so I've filed it here, some words from a trashy romance novel I'm in the middle of that made me think of all the folks who've ever nursed a broken heart because they either haven't found or have just lost what they consider "true love." And I think there's great wisdom in these words ... "That is not love, Gareth. You don't love me." She quickly shook her head to still his protestations. "You care for me, as I care for you, but love doesn't grow with only one person tending it. Not true love. Love cannot exist in the misery of unrequited feelings. True love is something that happens between two souls. When they find each other, they will both see in the other the missing parts of themselves. True love isn't the sad longing of one person. Someday you will find true love." – Sarah Brophy, "Midnight Eyes"
Thaddeus Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Somewhat cheesy, sure, but there's a lot of truth in that. Thanks for posting it.
Author quankanne Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 that's me, la reina del queso seriously, though, some of these books surprise me when it comes down to the human psyche and our need for love ... be it romantic or within a family or in a friendship.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Yes, but hang on, they're written by writers. Authors. People who in line with their work, often have to do research and investigation.... so they're just as susceptible to influences from Relationship Gurus as anyone else is..... And I'll bet you a pound to a pinch of salt that some are married, some are in affairs and some are divorced or single. Just like the rest of us..... And I bet they're just as confused, hurt, bewildered, aimless and in pain.... just like the rest of us..... You can hear the same 'truth' over and over again, but until it's presented in a way that actually gets through to us, and speaks to our psyche personally, then you might as well be deaf and blind.... I mean, we all knew this truth already, right? That it takes Effort and Commitment, in quasi-equal measures from both sides, because one love can't hack it on its own? Worded like that, it's crass and clumsy, and means nothing. How many times have we seen people say "*name*, your words really hit me....." because finally, something they knew realised or suspected anyway, has been put into such terms as to finally make it penetrate and hit the spot? Most romantic novels hinge on three needs. To be understood, appreciated and loved. And guess what? Those are our needs too! Coincidence.....? I don't thinks so.....
angie2443 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I mean, we all knew this truth already, right? That it takes Effort and Commitment, in quasi-equal measures from both sides, because one love can't hack it on its own? Do we really? I guess we do, but what we don't know is how to make it happen. I think it's like building a house. We all know that it takes effort and commitment, but if we had the effort and commitment, would we be able to build the house? Even if we had the man power, if we didn't know how to plan the house, how to measure, what materials to get, etc., the house we built would probably fall apart. I think this is like building a relationship. Many people start out knowing that it takes effort and commitment, and they have this in the beginning, but they don't know how to maintain the relationship. They don't know exactly how to nurture it. Maybe they think they have the right idea, but it isn't really working. People get fustrated and stop trying. Or maybe one person keeps trying while the other gives up and this causes resentment. It's easy to see why falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 yes, but that's not what this thread is about. The book is a romance novel, not a how-to on relationships. I'm saying that the flowery words are inspirational, by all means. But taking them specifically, they're recycled knowledge. Knowledge the author has taken and put into ways that are attractive, but words counsellors and therapists - and members on here -have been already saying for years....
angie2443 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 yes, but that's not what this thread is about. The book is a romance novel, not a how-to on relationships. I'm saying that the flowery words are inspirational, by all means. But taking them specifically, they're recycled knowledge. Knowledge the author has taken and put into ways that are attractive, but words counsellors and therapists - and members on here -have been already saying for years.... All I'm saying is, the words are nice and yes they are recycled knowledge. However, IMO, they are meaningless without the know how.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 If people don't know the 'how' they shouldn't be in a relationship. People do know how. They even know the why. What people are most remiss about is knowing just how much effort it does take. And that it has to be renewable, constantly. I have found.....
Trialbyfire Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 While the wording makes me cringe, the only part I disagree with is this: True love is something that happens between two souls. When they find each other, they will both see in the other the missing parts of themselves. This sounds like more of an unhealthy codependency, rather than a functional, mature relationship.
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