DunnoWhat Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 As the title said she went to the game with a friend. I only found out by checking her friends twitter. She was texting me yesterday saying she was with her friend "tanning" and "going for ice cream". At no stage did she mention an American football match. Her teacher (she goes to an adult school) was playing the football (amature team). Her friend said she met my gfs teacher after or before the match! And to make matters worse theres a big soccer team (60,000+ seater stadium) near her that her dad is a fan of and always asking her to go see a game but she never went to see them play once in her life! And no she doesn't even know the rules. So heres my problemS.. -What is she doing going to that match? -Why didn't she tell me? -Why did that teacher invite her? -Why were they talking to him? I presume they must have waited after or before it started. -Should I mention it or give her an oppertunity to say where she was? I think I will do it anyway but I'm interested to hear opinions.
New Again Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Just ask her. Not one person here can answer those questions for you. Except the last one (go ask her).
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 You can ask, but I doubt you'll get the truth. I hate to say it, but it is pretty clear to me. She either has something going on with this guy, or intends to. Otherwise she wouldn't hide it.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I also forgot to mention that I texted her at that time telling her I was watching a match on TV so you'd think she'd tell me she was at a match. She told me before when she went to it. I might have asked some questions. You can ask, but I doubt you'll get the truth. I hate to say it, but it is pretty clear to me. She either has something going on with this guy, or intends to. Otherwise she wouldn't hide it. I doubt it but I'm more concerned why she wouldn't tell me.
westernxer Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I only found out by checking her friends twitter. Thank heavens for stupid friends. LOL
dreamergrl Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Leave it to twitter to let the cat out of the bag!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I doubt it but I'm more concerned why she wouldn't tell me. Well, it may not be the teacher - but I can tell you this: someone was there that she does not want you knowing she was seeing. Otherwise, there would be no other reason to hide it from you.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Yeah. What I'll go is give her a chance to tell me she was at it. She might think its no big deal but if she was going to the cinema she'd say so why not a football match. If I have to call her out on it it won't be pleasant. I have a zero tolerance for cheating and lieing and so she'll have some explaining to do and maybe even have to agree not to go there again. At least I can ask her about this teacher who asks my gf to come see him play. How do I go about telling her? I don't want her to think I was spying.
Lucky_One Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Reading someone's comments on twitter is not spying. It's called the internet, and it is a public domain. If they are so stupid not to know that everyone in the entire blessed twitter community can read their comments, then they don't need to be using a computer.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Thanks for the feedback. It was her friends twitter so she migt be wondering why I was looking at it. I rearly look at it anyway. Anybody have any ideas on how I should approach it? I'm thinking of telling her to stop going to those games.
Bejita463 Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I'm thinking of telling her to stop going to those games. What could that possibly achieve? That makes absolutely no sense. Either you can trust her or you cannot. Telling her not to go there isn't going to do crap. You aren't her father, and even if you were she could easily go without telling you again. That is no solution.
loveslife Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 It seems like you're a little controlling. Maybe she just didn't want to have to tell you what she's doing every second anymore? Sometimes when people are expected to account for every minute to someone they get fed up and just pretend they're doing something else. It could have been an act of defiance.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 What could that possibly achieve? That makes absolutely no sense. Either you can trust her or you cannot. Telling her not to go there isn't going to do crap. You aren't her father, and even if you were she could easily go without telling you again. That is no solution. What is the solution so? Do nothing? She disrespeted me by lieing to me so I think it is fair that there should be some punishment. Maybe I could warn her not to do it again.
MissViolet Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 I was thinking along the lines of what Loveslife said. Do you get upset if she goes out with her friends or to places where there are males around? From personal experience, I got really tired of having to account for my whereabouts, so much that I didn't bother anymore.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 Should I ask her about the teacher or would that make me seem jealous? It seems like you're a little controlling. Maybe she just didn't want to have to tell you what she's doing every second anymore? Sometimes when people are expected to account for every minute to someone they get fed up and just pretend they're doing something else. It could have been an act of defiance. I'm not controlling at all. I trusted her and she has complete freedom. I didn't even ask her where she was on the day. If she said she was going to a match like she said before then it wouldn't have been a problem.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I was thinking along the lines of what Loveslife said. Do you get upset if she goes out with her friends or to places where there are males around? From personal experience, I got really tired of having to account for my whereabouts, so much that I didn't bother anymore. Not at all. She usually tells me where shes going and theres usually no problem with it from me. People are talking about me not trusting her. Shes the one who lied to me therefore is responsible for breaking that trust I had. I've done nothing wrong and if I decide to tell her not to go there again then I see nothing wrong with that either. If people think thats controlling then its really her fault for lieing. And yes I know its important to trust somebody 100%. Thats what I did and I was happy with her doing her own things. She broke that trust and I can't just pretend nothing happened. If I start doing that I'm on a slippery slope to being walked all over in the relationship.
Hop_prophet Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 It seems like you're a little controlling. Maybe she just didn't want to have to tell you what she's doing every second anymore? Sometimes when people are expected to account for every minute to someone they get fed up and just pretend they're doing something else. It could have been an act of defiance. Wow are you really defending this girl? Come on. It is not an act of defiance it is an act of deception. She lied to him straight up so he as VERY good reason to doubt her trust. I would confront her about it immediately. This is not a good sign at all.
MissViolet Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 DunnoWhat, if that's the case then I think there's something fishy going on. I can't think of a reason why I would lie to my bf about going to a game unless there was some other guy there that I might be interested in, or my ex was there, or someone I knew you hated was there, or whatever it may be... Bad, dishonest move on her part. However, I don't think telling her she can't go to those games anymore is a good idea, and I don't see it serving any purpose. Talk to her, ask her why she felt the need to lie...But I see it as a "red flag".
amerikajin Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Not at all. She usually tells me where shes going and theres usually no problem with it from me. People are talking about me not trusting her. Shes the one who lied to me therefore is responsible for breaking that trust I had. I've done nothing wrong and if I decide to tell her not to go there again then I see nothing wrong with that either. If people think thats controlling then its really her fault for lieing. And yes I know its important to trust somebody 100%. Thats what I did and I was happy with her doing her own things. She broke that trust and I can't just pretend nothing happened. If I start doing that I'm on a slippery slope to being walked all over in the relationship. The question is, what are you going to do about it once she tells you her story? She's already lied once, and she might lie again. You say you're not going to tolerate it, but what are you going to do? People talk about "red flags" a lot on LS. Some flags aren't really red, but this one definitely is. I don't know about you, but I couldn't have a partner doing things behind my back like this.
Author DunnoWhat Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 The question is, what are you going to do about it once she tells you her story? She's already lied once, and she might lie again. You say you're not going to tolerate it, but what are you going to do? People talk about "red flags" a lot on LS. Some flags aren't really red, but this one definitely is. I don't know about you, but I couldn't have a partner doing things behind my back like this. I'm chatting now on MSN so I'll do something soon. I don't know what I'll do to be honest. She told me she loved me earlier. Bad or maybe good timing..
2sunny Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 since you didn't specifically ask her what she did that day - technically she didn't lie... but she did lie... because she made it appear as though she didn't go to the game and she didn't volunteer the truth when you told her you were watching the game. she LIED! out and out. this type of lie which is deceiving is worse than out and out lying. means she manipulates to make a scenario appear different than it actually is. i'd totally dump her... when there's nothing to hide - there's nothing to hide. she's definitely hiding more than you will ever know. you will always wonder what else she isn't willing to tell you. and you will wonder what she's really up to when she tells you she's out with a friend.
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