looking for some insight

[sspiegel22]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here never actually ever posted on any forum site for that matter so excuse my grammar cause its bad i know .

I used to come around here a lot in the past would read about other peoples experiences and problems and it always seemed the other posters generally wanted to help out and give helpful advice and i like that and could use some of it now .

So anyway me and my girlfriend have been together for about three years and it has been amazing ,we never fought

we always had a good time together ,we liked each others families, it was for all intents and purposes .....perfect. But she is a 4 years younger then me and never really got a chance to live life outside of her parents shadow so she wanted to go to england for 6 months just to live away from her parents and see the world , she wanted me to go with her, so i don't think it had anything to do with me or she wouldn't have asked me to come ..i think it was just a young woman wanting a change in her life that she couldnt find at home. Anyway I had responsibilities and it just wasn't possible for me to go ,so we decided we where gonna make it work ..it was only 6 months maybe a year after all. Well three months in it was of course really hard ,but for the most part the trust was there and we got to talk almost every day . I would say if anything my feeling have grown and i began to believe this was the girl i was supposed to be with and that we would somehow no matter what make it work .. ..but then we started fighting lots about small things and it just started to get to be too much , things just changed . but i still felt we loved each other .Amway let me get to the point .. she doesn't want to break up cause she doesn't want to lose me or what we have ... she doesn't want to see other people or anything like that she says she love me still...but she wants us just to take some time away from speaking for awhile cause she thinks it will make things better and thinks we wont fight as much and it will open our eyes or something. I just want some advice cause i feel like once things get to that point where breaks become necessary theres no turning back ,and at that point the relationship is dead ..and at the end of the day i am still here and she is still there .. for at least another 3 months and i could never tell her to come home , it wouldn't be fair to her ,for me to tell her to come back , or to put some kind of ultimatums on the relationship .I am just really lost i love her ... and i truly believe she loves me ..but sometimes that is just not enough ..what is not talking for a week going to accomplish .. I don't know who else to turn to for advice besides the great people here so just some advice or similar stories would be nice help me put things into perspective and help me decide what to do

anyway thanks alot

[TMichaels]

sspiegel22,

 

You aren't going to score points with her by refusing to listen.

 

She's told you she doesn't want to lose you or see other people. She's also asked for some space and you need to give it to her or else you are going to drive her away.

 

Why don't you contact her and tell her you've thought about what she suggested and you agree it's a good idea not to talk as often? (You don't have to explain why... let her wonder about that.)

 

Then, make a suggestion of your own: Instead of talking every day, how about the two of you figure out a certain day and time each week that works for both of you to connect, just to "touch base?"

 

If you do this, most likely the two of you look forward to "your time together" as opposed to feeling like speaking every day (or not) is some sort of chore or indication one or the other of you is losing interest.

 

The rest of the week get on with your life secure in the knowledge that the two of you love each other and you're working together to come up with a way to keep the relationship strong while you're apart.

 

When you do talk, you'll have tons more to talk about than if you spoke every day -- and also because both of you will have been busy during the week you'll have much more to share.

 

Just make sure you also work out in advance what the plan will be in the event either of you can't make your weekly "date" due to unexpected circumstances. A quick and timely text or IM to alert the other person "you have to cancel" is just basic courtesy -- but all the more essential when time zones are involved.

 

Hope this might be of help, and welcome to LS! Feel free to visit and post whenever you like. Lots of kind and caring people here, who know first-hand what you're going through and are usually happy to help.

 

Just one small tip: It's always best to break up your posts into paragraphs instead of typing in just one long block of text. It's easier for others to read, comprehend and respond.

 

All the best,

TMichaels

[Island Girl]

You say you started to fight about small things. Do you really know why?

Usually if there are little nit picky fights there is something on one or both sides that is NOT being addressed.

 

Insecurity, jealousy, the feeling of the other slipping away - something is there. So what is it?

[sspiegel22]

thanks both of you , its nice to get some fresh thoughts on whats going on

To answer your question its all of the above island girl ..and its pretty much all on my end...i am insecure and jealous i mean i try to be supportive , but its really hard cause all i can think is how do you leave someone that you claim to love .but i quess i got my own issues to work out .

So i am just gonna give her some time and space ... see where it goes from there, and try and work out my own issues during this time ...not much else i can do besides trust in us .

thanks again both of you

[TMichaels]

So i am just gonna give her some time and space ... see where it goes from there, and try and work out my own issues during this time ...not much else i can do besides trust in us .

thanks again both of you

 

You're welcome, sspiegel22.

 

Good luck to you, and don't hesitate to come back and post if you feel the need.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[SuburbanOblivion]

It sounds like she just needs some space. I completely agree with the others, I think not talking quite as much will give you more to talk about when you are together, and you will appreciate the time together so much more when you do have it.

[sspiegel22]

Yah i think you are all probaly right , i have sent her a couple messages this week , just to tell her some exciting news thats happened in my life ..but for the most part we havent really talked since monday.

 

My problem is that i let my imagination take me to dark places sometimes ,and I start getting worried and start believing the things

that my imagination is telling me . I just really miss her alot , and i cant talk to my friends about my feeling or the loneliness i feel without her , so that makes it hard .

 

uggggh:sick: i just miss her so badly. I really do want to make it work .But sometimes it just gets hard , cause all the things we at one point would have done together, i am now doing alone and it just makes me miss her more ,meanwhile she is off on a big adventure experincing new things, But i just need to believe and have trust in us .. jeez long distance relationships can be tough and painful sometimes..

 

god ..listen to me i sound like i a love sick teenage boy ohhhh wellll The heart wants what the heart wants and mine wants her ill just need to try and be stronger , and more secure about us .. and hope for the best .