Am I the only one who thinks like this?

[craig841]

I'm 19, a guy, and I've never been in a relationship.

 

Why? I've always been quite a shy person, and felt that girls could be quite scary and in your face. I have also always thought relationships should be serious things, and you should look for someone that you perceive as undoubtedly suited to you.

 

The girls I have often chased have been ones I had thought carefully about, but they always friend zoned me, saying I was too similar to them.

 

Am I not actually a man or something? I've watched friends around me pick up women, and thought 'Are you guys just seeing each other as pieces of meat?' and also thought what the hell might be wrong with me for me not to be interested in this kind of thing.

 

Before you start, I'm not a closeted gay...I have absolutely no attraction towards men. Period.

 

Obviously I'm an odd one out, but do I need to change my ways? I'm starting to see girls grow up around me and I may have more success in the future, but I feel as though I've missed out on something major. I don't consider myself majorly unattractive, but is there something wrong with me?

 

Thanks a lot.

[icyness]

Craig, I personally don't think there's a thing wrong with you.

 

What do you think and feel? Do you genuinely feel out of place in your heart, or do you feel that way because of your peers?

 

It makes me sad when such a persona is perceived as being an odd one out and needs changing.

Society, these days especially is so very harsh to say the least.

There's a ton of males and females that feel the opposite of you, just like you, and everything else in between. All of it is okay, as long as it works for that person.

 

I've always felt the same in terms of a lot of things in life, I used to think there are some major things wrong with me and I need to alter them to fit in with most other people.

 

I've never cared to date around, go out to bars/clubs, hang out with a ton of people, drink, be extremely sociable, etc. And it seems like so many others around me do.

I thought there was always something majorly wrong with me since I never enjoyed doing the things others my age do. I thought maybe when I get older I will.

At 24, I feel the same as I always have, the difference is I'm happy with it now.

I'm a doormat when it comes to a ton of things, but one thing I'm learning is changing me for anyone else or anything else is a waste of my time and energy. What good would that do me, or anyone else.

 

You're so young and seem very intelligent. you're going to continue to learn things about yourself for the rest of your life.

All you can do is be you. If you have to alter who you are for someone else, how happy can you really be in the end? The other person as well for that matter.

If you're okay with the way you are, please don't let others around you or outside influences tell you otherwise.

If you honestly don't like something about yourself and it's coming from within, that's another story.

Unless you're causing harm to yourself or others, to feel you must act a certain way or change to benefit from aspects in life will only result in your unhappiness.

Do what is right for you, and things will fall into place.

 

 

And believe me, there are plenty of girls out there who are looking for someone like you!

[craig841]

Thanks a lot, icyness.

 

I guess you're right...it's the fact that I am the minority that makes me feel odd. Guys around me have constantly been telling me that I set my standards too high, when in reality all I am doing is trying to distinguish the selfish airheads from the genuine caring people that I find attractive.

 

I'm happy with myself, and am glad for who I am, as life only deals you one hand, and you have to play that hand as best as you can, cos it's the only one you'll ever get.

 

Maybe I've just got an idealistic attitude to love. I see relationships as caring things, where both people can be supportive of each other and be patient, and 'relationships' where the two people are so distant they might as well just be FWB do not fall under that umbrella...in fact they're getting well and truly rained on.

 

Am I wrong to want to find someone special at this age? Should I be going out and sleeping around like half the people I know?

 

Anyone else find some truth in what I'm saying?

[icyness]

I wouldn't even give sleeping around a second thought if you know in your gut it's not for you.

I don't understand why knowing what you want is setting your standards too high; I think it's awesome you feel the way you do.

 

There's nothing wrong or odd at all about wanting to find one person or someone special at your age.

I've never been interested in sleeping around, I'm a one person/relationship type of person and I've been this way my whole life.

Should your feelings change later on, that's okay too.

You can always change your mind and feelings, but why do something now you may very well regret if you're pretty sure it's not for you.

 

I know exactly what you mean about feeling odd because you're in the minority; that will diminish over time. Doing as others or 'trying to fit in' is no where near as crucial as it seems. (meaning not at all.)

[craig841]

I think I'm just feeling weird cos of my age tbh. I'm atypical for my age, and that makes me feel weird. It shouldn't, but hopefully things will get better in the long run. Thanks.

[craig841]

Ok, I've analysed the problems I have. I tend to want to get to know a person quite well before I make a romantic move, but teenage girls are not into that kind of thing. Men are meat apparently, and that is all they deserve to be treated as, because that's what women are in their eyes.

 

I therefore tend to get FZd or accused of smothering someone because I am "too intense" (I did used to be a culprit of this in the past but I'm better now). I am also just plain blanked sometimes...it seems people associate me with seriousness although I'm not a boring person, and obviously you can't be at all serious at my age because no-one else is.

 

Do I have a problem in this respect? When this happens I feel like an old, boring man, and it pisses me off to no end.

[zhsoj]

No man you're not alone in this regard. Hell I'm 25, good job, great education, my own place, pretty outdoorsy and fun and I've only ever gone out with one girl. I can't tell you what women think. I've been given the same old crap from platonic female friends that "any girl would be lucky to have me". I'm not going to argue it, all I'll say is that I've learned people rarely know why they do the things that they do. Myself included.

 

So no you're not alone feeling this way at all. Unfortunately the only thing I can tell you is what I've learned so far: do not rely on other people. At all. Ever. They will leave. They will be taken from you. You will realize that they don't bring the same excitement they once did. All you have in this world to rely on is yourself, and even that can be taken from you. Learn to analysize your thoughts and feelings. I'd suggest starting a diary. Really. Start each entry with the date and time and how you are feeling. Then write about whatever you feel like. Try to put those hazy questions you have floating around in emotion-space in concrete form. Test them and see if that's really the question you ought to be asking. Try to boil it all down.

 

When I did this I found out something I already knew: I lack confidence. In fact there are times I downright hate myself. But before I started doing this I realized that it's not just that I "lack confidence". It's that I don't trust myself to do the right thing. I have such a desire to do the "right thing" that I'm terrified of fooling myself and failing. That if I "got" a quality girl I'd screw it up do to my lack of experience and she'd take off. I'd have let her/us down. Or that if I got a girl lacking in quality that I'd lack the backbone to end it quickly.

 

Okay, so why'd I tell you that? Because it illustrates my point: all you have in this life is yourself. You can't ever rely on other people. You can't even rely on yourself 100% of the time. Kinda sounds un-fairytalish doesn't it? Reality is like that. We are all like that. So don't get yourself worked up about it. You are more introspective than your peers. Use that as an advantage for your own happiness and confidence. I'm not saying it will get you that quality woman you think you desire, or even laid, but you can use it to figure out what you really want to do in this life. Personally I've found building things that help improve the lives of other people while expanding my own perception to be very rewarding for me. And here you probably thought I was anti-social waiting for the world to burn. :-D