lillycakes Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Ok, I'm feeling so low and lonely right now. The guy I've been dating exclusively for 2 years just got out of the military and has now moved back home. He really hated being in the military and was so happy to be getting out and to be "free". He felt his main option was to move home for a while back to another state 12 hours from here. I am totally head over heels in love with him, and know that while this may be the best for him, it is killing me. I feel left behind, and he has really given me no assurances that we'll have a future. Kind of just left things open ended. I know this seems like a no brainer and many of you will just tell me to move on....but I can't. I am so in love with him, and just hope that after he's had some time to re-adjust to civilian life and make some decisions, that the timing will finally be right for us. I know that he really cares for me deeply, and i've met his family....just such a weird situation to just have him leave. Has anyone else been in this situation? My friends tell me to just give it time....to see what happens. I certainly don't want to put my life on hold but I don't want to give up on us either. Any advice please would help be so much right now....
torranceshipman Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 What about if you have a talk with him and ask him how he feels about all of this?n And be honest about how you feel, too. I think some kind of plans have to be made or at lest discussed as with a 12hr travel distance, y'know, you have to be ready to plan to even stand a chance of meeting up, let alone have a future! I guess he might have a lot to think about-this is a big transition for him, and maybe he might even feel like he is a bit of a failure (not that he should) or a bit lost as he has to find a new career right now, plus he has to move back home for a while. He might feel like he has to prioritize his career right now and go where the work takes him, etc, but basically no matter what is going on with him, you are currently a part of his life, and he needs to be able to be straight up with you about how he feels. I think you could think about giving him time but at the same time don't put your life on hold-if he's giving you no clear answers he doesn't really deserve the right to be part of your life right now, and you should be dating - but leaving the door open if you want, to see what happens. There's nothing wrong in him being confused right now but there IS something wrong in him leaving you hanging and not knowing where you stand - that's bad. Also, how old is he?
Author lillycakes Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Hi Torrance, thanks so much for your answer. He's actually 25...he's pretty mature and has a good head on his shoulders but still has some growing up to do. Also he's not the best communicator lol, is closed off sometimes so in the past it's been hard to have discussions with him about us. I think part of that is the whole military thing...push down your feelings. I've asked if he is going to visit and he wouldn't really give me a definite answer. So I guess my plan was to just let him get settled in since he has been so stressed and see how things play out. But i hate the not knowing, and after 2 years and all we were to each other I'm frustrated that I even have to wonder.
WTRanger Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I don't want to spoil your party, but he's probably not going to be a civ for too long. When you are out, you are on IR. These days, IR's are getting called up left and right. I was out 4 years ago, and I was called back 5 months after getting out. The way things are going these days, it's almost a given he will get recalled. Why is it he has to stay with you? What about going to him? Is there something that keeps you where you are? Any good relationship is about compromise. Seems to me like you want him to do all the work. You want him to stay, you want him to visit. Well, what about you visiting him?
Author lillycakes Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Hi there, Thanks for your answer, but I don't want him to do all of the work. I would most certainly go out to visit him. Actaully I would prefer it. And I didn't ask him to stay because I didn't want to hold him back. As I said in my last post, when he left he wouldn't give me a definite answer on us visiting period. Me going up there, or him coming down here. I think he is very confused about where his life is going, and he doen't communicate his feelings or intentions with me very well. And i'm not going to force myself on him or on anyone else. The purpose of me writing for advice is to find out what would be the best way to deal with this, and if anyone else has been in this situation. I would love to go travel and see him and visit his hometown. I just feel like he is keeping me at arms length and this is my dilemna.
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