venuskies Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 So my LDR will go into effect this coming Friday. I literally feel as though my heart is being broken in half. I met this guy a few months ago and since then it's been nothing but late nights together, early morning, sharing secrets, sweet kisses, etc. etc. etc. He's moving up north to attend a very elite college, and I'm staying at the home state (all together we'll be something close to 3,000 miles apart.) He'll be gone until November, and then back for a week. He'll be here in December for awhile (he'll even get to catch my birthday) He'll be back for spring vacation in March, then he'll come home for summer in May. That's how our schdule looks as of now. I must admit, I'm fortunate because at most, we'll only be going a few months without seeing each other. So you're probably wondering why I'm making such a big fuss.. Well, my boyfriend isn't the warmest individual, and he's a textbook realist. He doesn't offer me much comfort as to the future of our relationship. He tells me that "he'll try," and things to that extent, but he never makes any promises. I do understand him not wanting to get my hopes up.. Am I being selfish for desering those things? Also he told me last night that if a "nice guy" comes a long, he wants me to grab hold of the occasion. This made me very uncomfortable, I told him the same thing in response (even though I didn't want to) and he responded with something like, "I won't miss the occasion." As I'm sure you've concluded by now, that made me miserable. Another aspect that isn't in my favor- the college he'll be attending is a specialist kind of school, meaning he'll be going with other people just like him. He could so easily find someone else he has more things in common with, someone smarter, someone prettier, someone closer to him in distance. I'm so scared, and this matter is seriously starting to consume me. I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning (I actually missed two of my classes) I can't see anything past the hurt I'm feeling right now. I just wish I knew that he's as dedicated to this cause as I am. I haven't the slightest doubt that I'm capable of overcoming this obstacle, but I'm scared that he isn't. Sure, I can say "if he can't do this then he isn't worth it," but that offers me no real comfort, I'm still miserable even with that attitude. I don't know what I'm looking for here, I guess I just feel better typing it all out, even if no one is here to read it, I suppose I feel better. I'm just so heartbroken.
jumi Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 honestly, it doesn't sound like you should go on with this relationship... LDRs require a lot of trust in each other and commitment to the love that each has for the other... and for him to say that he is going to date girls that come his way, then he really is not committed to you or the LDR. If he cant offer you comfort or security... what you need to make it through... then seriously alert him to how you are feeling and how much you are hurting. tell him the blunt honest truth, give him a fair shot. after that, if he doesn't change, i'm not sure you should continue with him. i hate saying things like this because i don't want to kill a relationship that has the potential to grow; but you need to step outside your misery and look from above the box objectively at this situation and decide for yourself what the best decision is.
sspiegel22 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Yah i hate to be negative too , but I have to agree with jumi on this . I dont know anything about your boyfriend or about the feelings you to share with eachother in private ,so i may be way off base with this , but in order to truly have a shot at making a long distance relationship work you both have to be 100% committed to making it work , and from your post i am getting the feeling that your bf just isnt on the same page as you. I mean your boyfriend has already basically told you that he is gonna keep his options open over there, and he cant provide you with any sort of comfort for what the future holds ...i mean maybe i am old school but if you love someone you dont tell them that if someone better comes along I won't miss the occasion to get with that person . I think you and him really need to sit down and talk about what being in a long distance relationship means to you both and where you think its gonna lead .Anyway either way i hope it works out for you ,Good luck venuskies
carvidep Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I don't like him. Textbook realist? That's just an excuse for his pig headed comments. I'm sorry, but he's not being fair to you at all. He makes me mad. Do talk to him... let him know how much his words hurt you. Don't keep that quiet. If he still acts like a "realist" about it, then think twice about going long distance.
Recommended Posts