Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I told my boyfriend that I felt like eating pizza but probably shouldn't because didn't want to get fat but said oh you'll still love me won't you if I get fat? And he said "how fat are we talking?" And I said you tell me. So he said "60 kgs" (132 pounds) btw I am currently 50 kgs (110 pounds) and 165cms (5'5) i got really upset about him over this comment because I am only 22 and my body is going to change and i said what about when i have a baby. and he said well we'll just get you into the gym straight after. he apologised a lot after after i kept going on about it and said he was only joking but i think there is some truth in it. he said he didnt think it was a reality that i was going to get fat and he doesnt want me to get fat. But he said he wouldnt leave me if i did, he'd probably just encourage me to lose the weight. oh and he's being trying to gain weight (put on muscle) throughout the past year and a half - the time we've been together, and he's gone up and down over that time. when i met him he was pretty skinny and i actually prefer him now and he has got a little beer belly which i do sometimes make negative comments about. so maybe i should just let it go cos we're just as shallow as each other, but i can't stop thinking about it... what does everyone else think.
Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I told my boyfriend that I felt like eating pizza but probably shouldn't because didn't want to get fat but said oh you'll still love me won't you if I get fat? And he said "how fat are we talking?" And I said you tell me. So he said "60 kgs" (132 pounds) btw I am currently 50 kgs (110 pounds) and 165cms (5'5) i got really upset about him over this comment because I am only 22 and my body is going to change and i said what about when i have a baby. and he said well we'll just get you into the gym straight after. he apologised a lot after after i kept going on about it and said he was only joking but i think there is some truth in it. he said he didnt think it was a reality that i was going to get fat and he doesnt want me to get fat. But he said he wouldnt leave me if i did, he'd probably just encourage me to lose the weight. oh and he's being trying to gain weight (put on muscle) throughout the past year and a half - the time we've been together, and he's gone up and down over that time. when i met him he was pretty skinny and i actually prefer him now and he has got a little beer belly which i do sometimes make negative comments about. so maybe i should just let it go cos we're just as shallow as each other, but i can't stop thinking about it... what does everyone else think. One small piece of advice, if this is a topic that you're sensitive about, don't seek out ways to bring it up. Saying you'd love to have some pizza, but don't want to because you don't want to be fat is ridiculous and just invites your boyfriend to react the way he did--honestly. Though it is woefully inaccurate, your BMI is underweight, by the way; 60 kgs is actually a normal weight for your height. Sounds like you're both a little young and unrealistic.
torranceshipman Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I think this is a bit of unnecessary drama...
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Thanks for the advice. Its hard because I am sensitive about it I need reassurance quite a bit, not just from him but everyone. I'm getting heaps better though and more confident about my body. Yeah I'm definitely not underweight but I know that 60 kgs is average and I would still look good at that weight I think. Hmm agree with the young comment, not so much the unrealistic part.
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 I think this is a bit of unnecessary drama... I know and I agree. I wish I could delete my post as soon as I posted it but couldn't work out how... Thanks anyways!
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Ideally that is not the answer you wanted to hear, however you should not ask questions to your boyfriend that you cannot handle the truthful answer for. The "getting you to the gym" right after the baby, was a stupid man-baby thing to say. See what he did there? He is controlling your body and you are giving him that power. When you have a child your focus will be on that baby, NOT on letting him get you back to the gym to please him. The way to avoid these types of conversations/fights is don't even have them. Don't ask him what he thinks don't ask for his advice on this matter, men are very superficial when it comes to the female body if given the power he will find a reason to change your body even if it's fine and if you bring more attention to it the more he will try to fix you. So don't give him that power and certainly don't rely on him for your personal improvement. Keep it to yourself next time. Eat pizza if you feel like or skip it if you don't, and work extra hard at the gym those days you do indulge, but for heaven's sake do not "consult" your boyfriend. You don't need his advice on your own body or his permission to get fat and will he still love you, assume he won't most men wouldn't. Accept that and do what you can to stay within reasonable shape.
Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 not so much the unrealistic part. Heh, and I thought the young part was the problem you'd disagree with. Your original post said you didn't want to have pizza for a meal because you didn't want to get fat. You're not even eight stones. That in itself is unrealistic.
Hkizzle Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 You should live in Hong Kong, where i'm currently living. There's friggin weight loss, sliming product ads EVERYWHERE. It's on billboards, there are TV screens on the buses and the ads get blasted in women's faces. Loads of women are really slim, and feel so much pressure to stay slim it's pretty sick. With regards to weight. I think the politically correct thing is it doesn't matter. But the reality is that at the end of the day physical attraction is still important. How slim or how fact varies. The important thing is not to be lazy, there's a difference between letting oneself go and well, natural weight gain.
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Heh, and I thought the young part was the problem you'd disagree with. Your original post said you didn't want to have pizza for a meal because you didn't want to get fat. You're not even eight stones. That in itself is unrealistic. Yeah I see what you mean, I actually eat pizza quite A LOT but i do sometimes feel guilty after, so thats why I said it because I'd already ate a lot that day... I know that having pizza for dinner isn't going to make me fat. Oh and 22 is still young in my book so hard not to agree with that.
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Ideally that is not the answer you wanted to hear, however you should not ask questions to your boyfriend that you cannot handle the truthful answer for. The "getting you to the gym" right after the baby, was a stupid man-baby thing to say. See what he did there? He is controlling your body and you are giving him that power. When you have a child your focus will be on that baby, NOT on letting him get you back to the gym to please him. The way to avoid these types of conversations/fights is don't even have them. Don't ask him what he thinks don't ask for his advice on this matter, men are very superficial when it comes to the female body if given the power he will find a reason to change your body even if it's fine and if you bring more attention to it the more he will try to fix you. So don't give him that power and certainly don't rely on him for your personal improvement. Keep it to yourself next time. Eat pizza if you feel like or skip it if you don't, and work extra hard at the gym those days you do indulge, but for heaven's sake do not "consult" your boyfriend. You don't need his advice on your own body or his permission to get fat and will he still love you, assume he won't most men wouldn't. Accept that and do what you can to stay within reasonable shape. wow that definitely gave me a lot to think about.. What your suggesting feels like i would have to change my whole personality, because i do ask for his opinion on a lot of things. But he never would tell me "not to eat pizza" or whatever. I know he loves my body the way it is now so he is not trying to change me or improve me at all and he always has the right answers or fills me up with compliments when i ask him i look good, etc. I think he just wants me to stay the same. I just felt like it was such a superficial thing to say. I dont want to get fat but I would like to know that if I did he would still love me. But I guess your right and I should just assume he wouldn't. I would still love him if he got fat though. does that mean its not truely love??
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 You should live in Hong Kong, where i'm currently living. There's friggin weight loss, sliming product ads EVERYWHERE. It's on billboards, there are TV screens on the buses and the ads get blasted in women's faces. Loads of women are really slim, and feel so much pressure to stay slim it's pretty sick. With regards to weight. I think the politically correct thing is it doesn't matter. But the reality is that at the end of the day physical attraction is still important. How slim or how fact varies. The important thing is not to be lazy, there's a difference between letting oneself go and well, natural weight gain. Well that makes me never want to go to Hong Kong lol.. but I feel there is a lot of pressure where I am too because all my friends are kind of obsessed with their weight and insecure about it. I agree with you. I think thats what he was referring too about being lazy and letting yourself go because he has said before its not so much about the weight gain, its more the change in personality that comes with it like you stop caring about looking good and/or are too lazy to do anything about it. And i agree with him in that sense and have no intention of letting go. And i would motivate him to lose weight if he let himself go.
bac Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Woman's weight does not define anything about a serious relationship. But it is better to be slim if you are looking for casual sex. There are many fat women who are happily married for the whole life. There are many slim and beautiful women who have the same weight in 40s as they had when they were in 20s (40-50 kg, 108-115) and they are hopelessly single.
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I just felt like it was such a superficial thing to say. I dont want to get fat but I would like to know that if I did he would still love me. But I guess your right and I should just assume he wouldn't. I would still love him if he got fat though. does that mean its not truely love?? No I'm sorry that is not what I meant, let me rephrase: In a situation where you are with someone long term and you gain weight more than likely they will still love you, if they love you then it doesn't REALLY matter if you gain a bit of weight. But if given a hypothetical scenario to think about it and have a choice, any man in their right mind would at least think "no way I would want to be with you if turn into a big cow" Of course what seperates the mature men from the childish ones is the ability to verbalize that. Mature men think it they just know better than to answer that honestly As a matter of loving yourself you should just be aware that's all I am really suggesting. You should not panic over your weight but on the same token if you say you consume a LOT of pizza you understand you are doing something that is potentially bad for you so cut it down a bit. You can have pizza or burgers or whatever junk food you like just not lots of it. Balance it out, so that you get the best of both worlds and you won't feel insecure about your eating habits. Yes you should also cut down on asking him for reassurance in other aspects as well, you should learn to assure yourself that you are pretty enough, smart enough, fit enough, good enough whatever it is...let him compliment you on his own accord and thank him and believe him when he compliments you.
Jaytb Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I think most guys don't want their partner to get fat. But "want" is the key word, it doesn't mean he'd leave you the second you gain weight. It's purely an ideal at this point. He seems to be like me, I wouldn't leave if my gf gained weight, but if she becomes lazy and never exercises again and eats junk food every day, then I would have to leave. If she gains weight, then I would encourage her to exercise and eat healthy. If the weight gain isn't her fault (stress, baby, etc) then there is no reason to leave her. And pizza is good stuff , but you can't eat it all the time. I make my own pizza and I can control what I put into it, so it seems to be healthier than the stuff you get at any pizza place.
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 No I'm sorry that is not what I meant, let me rephrase: In a situation where you are with someone long term and you gain weight more than likely they will still love you, if they love you then it doesn't REALLY matter if you gain a bit of weight. But if given a hypothetical scenario to think about it and have a choice, any man in their right mind would at least think "no way I would want to be with you if turn into a big cow" Of course what seperates the mature men from the childish ones is the ability to verbalize that. Mature men think it they just know better than to answer that honestly As a matter of loving yourself you should just be aware that's all I am really suggesting. You should not panic over your weight but on the same token if you say you consume a LOT of pizza you understand you are doing something that is potentially bad for you so cut it down a bit. You can have pizza or burgers or whatever junk food you like just not lots of it. Balance it out, so that you get the best of both worlds and you won't feel insecure about your eating habits. Yes you should also cut down on asking him for reassurance in other aspects as well, you should learn to assure yourself that you are pretty enough, smart enough, fit enough, good enough whatever it is...let him compliment you on his own accord and thank him and believe him when he compliments you. Oh thanks heaps for clarifying Your 100% right and thats great advice. I know he wasn't trying to hurt me. He compliments me heaps on his own accord and I do thank him for it. I am slowly cutting down on seeking reassurance, although it is a very hard thing to do. I do think that I eat pretty well but I think that I will always be very conscious of what I eat but i think thats a good thing. It was a dumb thing to say to him on my behalf and I'm going to try my best never to ask for validation regarding whether he will still love me if i gain weight ever again. It was probably more a slip or the tongue than anything that turned into an hour discussion about it because he said 60 kgs which to me isn't fat at all and can very well happen! but i dont think he honestly meant it.
Author Britney23 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 I think most guys don't want their partner to get fat. But "want" is the key word, it doesn't mean he'd leave you the second you gain weight. It's purely an ideal at this point. He seems to be like me, I wouldn't leave if my gf gained weight, but if she becomes lazy and never exercises again and eats junk food every day, then I would have to leave. If she gains weight, then I would encourage her to exercise and eat healthy. If the weight gain isn't her fault (stress, baby, etc) then there is no reason to leave her. And pizza is good stuff , but you can't eat it all the time. I make my own pizza and I can control what I put into it, so it seems to be healthier than the stuff you get at any pizza place. I totally agree and think that my boyfriend probably feels exactly the same as you. I dont think he would leave me because of it but he would definitely encourage me to go exercise and eat healthy. And I would do the same to him. Pizza is my one weakness. I never did have that pizza after talking about it so now I'm still craving it
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Britney, I'd be worried about a guy like that. I'm not kidding. Having said that, forget about staying thin. Stay healthy and do it for yourself. If you remain thin as a byproduct of staying healthy, good for you. Doing it for anyone else will ensure failure, over the long-term.
Gemini09 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I told my boyfriend that I felt like eating pizza but probably shouldn't because didn't want to get fat but said oh you'll still love me won't you if I get fat? And he said "how fat are we talking?" And I said you tell me. So he said "60 kgs" (132 pounds) btw I am currently 50 kgs (110 pounds) and 165cms (5'5) Maybe you shouldn't have put him on the spot like that, but 132 pounds? Since when is that overweight, unless you are extremely short or something. I could see like 150 pounds or more but come on. That would have seriously aggravated me. I think it was completely rude on his part to say something like that.
stillafool Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Unforturnaately a lot of men feel the way your bf does. He has explained he doesn't want you fat under any circumstances (including after child birth). I would slowly get away from him if you want to marry, have kids and be happy. He will destroy your self-esteem in the long run. Also men don't care how fat their asses get they just want ours to be small.
Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Also men don't care how fat their asses get they just want ours to be small. What about men that like large asses?
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Also men don't care how fat their asses get they just want ours to be small.Generally speaking, most mens' arses don't get fat. They normally get flat and defy the law of gravity, whereby the fat moves upwards towards love handles and beer bellies!
Jaytb Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Unforturnaately a lot of men feel the way your bf does. He has explained he doesn't want you fat under any circumstances (including after child birth). I would slowly get away from him if you want to marry, have kids and be happy. He will destroy your self-esteem in the long run. Also men don't care how fat their asses get they just want ours to be small. I don't think he said that.
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I don't think he said that. I think he did.
Els Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 You should live in Hong Kong, where i'm currently living. There's friggin weight loss, sliming product ads EVERYWHERE. It's on billboards, there are TV screens on the buses and the ads get blasted in women's faces. Loads of women are really slim, and feel so much pressure to stay slim it's pretty sick. With regards to weight. I think the politically correct thing is it doesn't matter. But the reality is that at the end of the day physical attraction is still important. How slim or how fact varies. The important thing is not to be lazy, there's a difference between letting oneself go and well, natural weight gain. Yeah I know, I don't live in HK but I totally know. It's crazy sometimes. I've seen this recurring ad in my newspapers about a Chinese celebrity Fish Leong; weight before: 46kg, weight after: 41kg. It's like wtf?? Going DOWN from 46 kg is supposed to be a good thing? Regardless of whether or not the ad's claims are true.. The fact is that so many pre-teen and teen girls (and even adolescents) will read that and be influenced by it, to think that 46 kg is bad and 41 kg is good for the average Asian female. Sickening indeed. Maybe I should write to the newspaper sometime, but I honestly doubt they'd bother.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Yeah I know, I don't live in HK but I totally know. It's crazy sometimes. I've seen this recurring ad in my newspapers about a Chinese celebrity Fish Leong; weight before: 46kg, weight after: 41kg. It's like wtf?? Going DOWN from 46 kg is supposed to be a good thing? Regardless of whether or not the ad's claims are true.. The fact is that so many pre-teen and teen girls (and even adolescents) will read that and be influenced by it, to think that 46 kg is bad and 41 kg is good for the average Asian female. Sickening indeed. Maybe I should write to the newspaper sometime, but I honestly doubt they'd bother.I just googled images of Fish Leong and she`s someone who`s trying to fight her natural body inclination to wider hips. Losing weight won`t change the natural width of your hipbones. Pretty stupid, if you ask me.
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