frustrated&sad Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Hi all, So I recently went out on a first date with a great guy. He's smart, nice, chivalrous, interesting, artsy yet balanced, caring but not wimpy. We had wonderful conversation, and all went exceedingly well for the next 5 hours. I went away for a short while after our first date and he has called or emailed me every day since I left, which I found very sweet, flattering, and, well, nice. We only had one long phone conversation, which was splendid, but otherwise I've been rather busy on my trip and haven't been very available. So here are my questions for y'all. I like that this guy isn't playing games with me; he is obviously interested because he keeps contacting me. I got out of an unstable and unhealthy relationship not too long ago, so I am REALLY out of the dating loop and all that it entails. Part of me likes that this guy isn't afraid of contacting me; he appears to be very confident from what I can tell, but not in an offputting way. I like that it shows he doesn't feel the need to pretend he's only mildly interested. Plus, we really hit it off. But this small part of me wonders if I should be worried about this fact that we've been in contact each day. I don't know why. I'm guessing it is residual paranoia or worry from my past long-term relationship. Or maybe I just want to take things nice and slowly since, like I said, I don't even know what dating really entails. Maybe this is actually a great sign, as I am wont to think, but I just haven't had enough experience to know any better. I'm 28, but am like a baby when it comes to the dating game. I've only had two very long term relationships from 18-27 (one 5.5 yrs, the other 3.5 yrs). So any thoughts? advice? I could use some.
torranceshipman Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 My advice is that insecurity and baggage can kill a promising R! So just chill and enjoy...you're probably worried about letting yourself go and falling for the guy, in case you get hurt, which is probably why the daily contact is currently worrying you. It's always a risk, falling for someone, so just go with the flow and see what happens...and maybe it'll work, maybe it wont, but don't kill it before it starts by being really insecure...
Vet Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 My advice is that insecurity and baggage can kill a promising R! So just chill and enjoy...you're probably worried about letting yourself go and falling for the guy, in case you get hurt, which is probably why the daily contact is currently worrying you. It's always a risk, falling for someone, so just go with the flow and see what happens...and maybe it'll work, maybe it wont, but don't kill it before it starts by being really insecure... This is good advice; worry will destroy this quicker than anything you're actually worried about. However, I'd also say that constant communication very early on is a sure-fire way to end up with a very (overly) quick relationship being formed. In my experience, things like that have fizzled out. It was all about the chase, and once I had her, the relationship was over in about two months tops. This is my personal quirk and problem though; maybe your guy is a better man.
Author frustrated&sad Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 My advice is that insecurity and baggage can kill a promising R! So just chill and enjoy...you're probably worried about letting yourself go and falling for the guy, in case you get hurt, which is probably why the daily contact is currently worrying you. It's always a risk, falling for someone, so just go with the flow and see what happens...and maybe it'll work, maybe it wont, but don't kill it before it starts by being really insecure... Thank you, TS. This is great advice. And I've been trying to feel this way--actually, usually I am so very chill and go with the flow that perhaps I'm just overly worried this time because I don't want, well, you know, pain, heartbreak, chaos. Still, you are right. I will just not worry and see what happens.
Author frustrated&sad Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 This is good advice; worry will destroy this quicker than anything you're actually worried about. However, I'd also say that constant communication very early on is a sure-fire way to end up with a very (overly) quick relationship being formed. In my experience, things like that have fizzled out. It was all about the chase, and once I had her, the relationship was over in about two months tops. This is my personal quirk and problem though; maybe your guy is a better man. And, Vet, your advice is equally as valid! Ah the dilemma and "fun" of dating. I'm trying to find the happy medium between what you say here and what TS said above. It is easier said than done. And I do not want a very quick relationship formed. It is also my personal quirk and problem, and it's what happened to me both previous long term relationships...that somehow just dragged on and on. Thank you both.
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