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Just ended it - can't breathe - need support

indiagirl1

By indiagirl1
in The Other Man / Woman

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indiagirl1 Member

indiagirl1

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Just sent the email ending the affair - he's responded saying he understands and Goodbye and he loves me.

 

I can't stop crying. I know I have done the the right thing but just can't get my breath for crying.

 

Please help me

jasminetea Established Member

jasminetea

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First of all, well done, that was tough, but it was the best thing you could possibly have done for yourself.

 

Where are you? At home? At work? Is there anyone in RL that knows about the affair that you can call or see?

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indiagirl1 Member

indiagirl1

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Am at work, had booked the day off to spend a day in a hotel room with him but have done this and come into work as couldn't sit around at home. I just can't breathe. Will I feel better tomorrow? And no, nobody in my life knows of us - I only have you guys.

jasminetea Established Member

jasminetea

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Well, at least you're not stuck on your own.

 

Just like any loss, of course it gets easier, but you probably won't notice the difference for a little while. Make sure you don't forget that you'll not only feel better at some point in the not too distant future, you'll feel positively fantastic having taken control of your life in such a positive way.

 

Now make a plan for tonight that involves pampering yourself in some way. :)

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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I agree with JasmineTea-spoil yourself, you deserve it. You made a great, sensible choice. That MM - wow...he sure knows how to treat the ladies doesn't he...cheats on the W and expects another girl to just hole up in a mangy hotel room with him for the day. Classy....

 

Good for you that you ended it - do something lovely for yourself and do NOT let this guy back into your life...

ednadean Established Member

ednadean

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Just sent the email ending the affair - he's responded saying he understands and Goodbye and he loves me.

 

I can't stop crying. I know I have done the the right thing but just can't get my breath for crying.

 

Please help me

 

you've done the honourable thing -- and your conscience is now clear. You've been courageous and done what's right. That is worth its weight in gold. Over time when you have a 'real' relationship, you'll be both happy and proud about what you've done. Just don't look back, keep yourself busy and be proud that you have such a strong character!

Owl Established Member

Owl

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Do you have family/friends that you could be with? Anyone at all that you can turn to for support while you're working through the grief?

Devil Inside Established Member

Devil Inside

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Sorry India...hard to lose someone that you love...I know.

 

You know that you did the right thing. When the pain subsides some you will realize the strength of character it showed to do something this hard. You will feel good that you put yourself first in this situation. You cared about yourself.

 

It will not hurt forever...I promise. Little by little it will feel better. You will have days that you think you are physically sick, then just sad, then one day you will realize that you have gone some time without thinking about him. It is a process...just remember that. I'm sure you've had a break up before...remember...you survived that too.

 

Be kind to yourself. Make sure you don't set yourself back by contacting him in any way. I am so proud of you. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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You've done the right thing, even though it doesn't feel like it right now..

 

Grieve away and just know that you will recover from this. Keep your good friends closeby and don't isolate yourself too much.

 

He knows it's the right thing and no good was going to come out of it except alot of pain and heartache.

 

DI is so right, you cared about yourself, put YOU first.

 

Let the healing process begin..

frustrated&sad Established Member

frustrated&sad

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The pain will last for some time. Just remember: that is normal. You will start to heal, just try to keep busy. Know that we are all here for you.

 

And you have every right to grieve the loss of this. But you will be much better off in the end.

 

Most important: do not contact him ever again. All this will do is bring you right back to the pain you feel now. But you will survive. You will heal. You will grow from this. And one day you will feel really happy again.

 

My heart goes out to you.

complicatedlife Established Member

complicatedlife

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IndiaGirl, I have been where you are with the same exact feeling of not being able to breathe. You really need to try to surround yourself with friends or family. i understand that you may not wish to disclose why you are upset/grieving, but you need this, trust me, it's not good for you to be alone now. Even if you make an appointment to see a therapist to talk out your feelings. Sending peaceful aura your way and will also say a prayer for you. (((HUGS)))

NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

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Indiagirl

 

If your employer has a work/life program that offers free counselling sessions, you should be able to call and speak to a phone counsellor right now and for free.

 

It has saved my sanity more than once.

 

((indiagirl))

Lyssa Established Member

Lyssa

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It had to be done, Indiagirl. Keep posting your feelings here and please don't cave in if he calls or emails.

 

*hugs*

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indiagirl1 Member

indiagirl1

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Thanks guys you are really helping me - I can't tell you how much. I can't talk to my family/friends as I have never disclosed the affair due to how ashamed I am of myself. Loveshack helps, it really does, I can say hand on heart that reading the posts on here has made me see the light and given me the courage to end the affair. I have been lurking for a year here now without posting.

 

I have left work for the afternoon as my thought of surrounding myself with people didn't help, it made it worse somehow as trying to hold it together was unbearable. I have told my manager I have a migraine and gone home. I can't remember the drive home and am sat here feeling totally exhausted from crying and my head hurts. You all say I am strong but I couldn't feel more weak and pathetic at this moment as I feel I would cut my arm off just to hear his voice. How can someone so together in every area of her life be thinking this?

 

Oh its here again, I can't stop crying.

 

Thank you all, Thank you, knowing you are here is everything.

Owl Established Member

Owl

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I understand the shame...don't take me wrong. But I'd REALLY suggest that you find a "safe" friend that you can confide in...one who can be there for you when us "loveshackians" can't be.

 

Hang in there, friend. It won't be easy, but it DOES get better.

Devil Inside Established Member

Devil Inside

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You all say I am strong but I couldn't feel more weak and pathetic at this moment as I feel I would cut my arm off just to hear his voice. How can someone so together in every area of her life be thinking this?

 

 

First off...how you are showing your strength is by the fact that you ended it despite how much it hurts. The fact that you have ended it for your on sake speaks volumes about what you are willing to do.

 

Another thing, yeah I know it is really hard to think that you could fall to pieces over this man...you, so put together. Well breaking up with someone we love, A or not, is really, really, really hard. It is supposed to hurt like this. However, there will only be one of these day ones as long as you remain NC. With each day the whole in your heart will shrink and shrink...you will feel better.

 

Let yourself hurt for a little...cry...feel horrible. Then tell yourself you're going to do something. Call someone. Go for a walk. Watch a funny movie...anything that will help. Hang in there.

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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This thread reminds me why LS can be so cool - it is nice to see a break from a lot of the flaming and some really nice support for someone going through a hard time!

 

Well done IndiaGirl - it will get easier...then one day when you're with the right guy who isn't a MM, and puts YOU first, and you know how good that feels...then you'll be so happy you ended this particular R!

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indiagirl1 Member

indiagirl1

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Thank you so much guys. DevilInside you really soothed me, thank you. I have drawn some more strength from your replies.

 

Fell asleep and woke up to my mobile beeping - 13 missed calls from MM....am shocked, he has never once phoned me on an evening as it's 'non safe'.

 

Have switched my phone off and come straight on here to try and divert myself and stay strong.

 

Thanks Guys. This is first class support.

 

Oh god the tears are back, damn...

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

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Wow, 13...GREAT for you to avoid his calls, you are doing the right thing. This is classic MM behavior - doing anything and saying anything to get you back. DON'T engage in any discussions. It just goes to prove that it was easy enough for him to call in the evening if he'd wanted to before, but he didn't. It's all what he wants, when it suits him....

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

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*hugs*

 

things will be well, and it will work out once you allow yourself to grieve and heal ... just be sure to have someone close by to hold your hand as you go through this, okay?

Mino Established Member

Mino

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Hi Sweetie, ((Hugs)) I know its tough. The first week is the hardest. I was in bed a whole week with the covers over my head! I cried a river that week. But its ok, it part of the healing process. The second week, gets easier, The 3 or 4 week, was filled with sadness again, its like you swirl in and out of emotions. But eventually the sun will shine again... Stay strong!

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

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Hang in there; hang in there; hang in there.

 

Please don't answer any of his calls.

 

Please don't open the door should he come to it.

 

Please don't respond to any email.

 

Please don't respond to any text.

 

Keep your resolve that YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve to be #1. You deserve a man who can focus on you FULL TIME. You deserve a man who will spend the holidays with you. You deserve a man who is proud to have you on his arm. You deserve a man who wants to shout from the rooftops how much he loves you.

 

You can do this!!

 

It is going to hurt; and hurt like hell for a while.

 

Push through it; stay strong.

 

Cry, mourn and grieve.

 

But do NOT call him, text him or go see him. Do not respond to anything from him.

 

You will feel better in the coming weeks. Just stay strong.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Have switched my phone off and come straight on here to try and divert myself and stay strong.

 

That must have killed you.. Be proud of yourself, that wasn't easy to do, shut your phone off.

 

Great that you came here, instead of calling him back or answering the phone.

jj33 Established Member

jj33

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Excuse me you think you are weak??? You are a tiger! Look at yourself As nasty and as your must heart feel you are standing up for yourself and taking care of yourself by not responding to his calls.

 

You are the poster girl for how to end it and mean it.

 

You should be very proud. Cry all you need to. In some small way they are likely to be tears of relief (that you arent going one more round and hearing the cr*p that would soften your heart) tears of anger that the relationship has put you in this place and tears of frustration over the whole mess.

 

Cry it all out. It will get better.

 

Big hugs

adzent Established Member

adzent

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Good on you, stay strong. I extremely dislike cheaters.

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