mark1210 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 So the girl I have been writing about lately, her and I are done. It ended Saturday morning. What I don't get, is that her and I had tons of crazy monkey sex all day and up until early Sunday morning. I told her, I'd like to keep that going if we could (we are both clean, tested, and trust one another). She said "we'd have to take it day by day"....what exactly does that mean? Am I prolonging my recovery from this relationship? I feel totally miserable, totally alone, and I have this pain in my chest that I cannot get rid of. The simple thought of her being with another man makes me almost throw up. Although her and I ended, she still calls and texts like she always has. I don't know if I am in the friend zone, friend with benefits zone, or none of the above. Help!
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I don't know your backround story but given what you just shared here it means she wants to keep the sex going and a no strings attached connection if and when it happens, no pressure, but nothing more. Sorry you are hurting.
TaraMaiden Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I told her, I'd like to keep that going if we could (we are both clean, tested, and trust one another). Bad idea. Dreadful. What you're doing is trying to keep the relationship going, actually. She said "we'd have to take it day by day"....what exactly does that mean? She's good for it. but not always. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. But don't hold your breath on anything psoitive coming form it. Am I prolonging my recovery from this relationship? Oh, very definitely, by miles..... I feel totally miserable, totally alone, and I have this pain in my chest that I cannot get rid of. The simple thought of her being with another man makes me almost throw up. You need time to heal and to change your thinking pattern from focussing on her, to focussing on you. Won't happen if you have sex with her.... Although her and I ended, she still calls and texts like she always has. I don't know if I am in the friend zone, friend with benefits zone, or none of the above. Doesn't matter what zone it is, it's not a good one. you need to establish No Contact, and stay away from her completely. Look up a member called 'Caliguy'. Read his 'No Contact' guide and stick to it, even if her hair is on fire.
loveslife Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 I agree with TaraMaiden on this. It's not in your best interest to try and continue a friends with benefits type arrangement here. You want more and all that will happen is your head will get more messed up. Sorry, I understand how difficult this is for you but we all go through painful times. Keeping the R as a FWB will just prolong the pain.
boogieboy Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Ill put my money on friend zone. Since she said "day by day" and she is still texting you, I think she has no intention of continuing sex with you. She is saying what you want to hear to keep you hanging on - which helps her ego. IMO "day by day" is her girl speak for "Ill keep you around chasing after me until I find someone new". She knows what shes doing. Thats why she is texting you....so she can keep tabs on you, make sure you havent moved on. You want her to use you like that? Thats all youre worth to her now. (based on your little bit of info anyway -seems pretty textbook) Its all to keep her feelin good about herself. Dont give that to her. if you are hurting, cut off all communication. It will be hard to do, but it will help you get over her faster. And it will end this selfish game shes playing.
BCCA Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 You are her interim boyfriend for the time being. You are the one she goes to for relationship type stuff, like sex and a shoulder to cry on, while she is free of the restraints of an actual relationship. For lack of a better way to say it, youre being used. You are pacifying her temporary needs, while shes making absolutely 0 commitments to you. And if you stop taking care of her needs, she'll just be done with you all together, anyway. Youre ripping the baindaid off slowly. Just tear if off and be done with it. Shes just using you until she finds someone else, and then she'll leave you without a word. Trust me, been there - done that. This is not a good idea for you.
dreamergrl Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 She wants control over the situation. She doesn't want any form of commitment. She wants to to be able to be 100% on which ever day she chooses (probably when she finds a new man). Why on earth you want to continue sex with her, is beyond me, other then maybe you've got hope that something will change, or maybe you just want to hang on. Your best bet is to move on. Go NC.
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