paxchris Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 You know, I notice whenever I've gone on these dating sites throughout the years I am basically asking the same questions over. I seem to be drawn towards emotionally unavailable people and like to set myself up for rejection, and am disinterested in situations where it would actually work out (on some strange subconscious level). I am attracted to people that are disinterested in me, and disinterested in someone as soon as they seem to like me a lot. I am normal, kind, have been told I'm attractive by many people, don't have any major dysfunctions or issues. I have a fairly healthy self esteem and am not depressed and/or constantly down on myself. I am however noticing a pattern to the situations I put myself in, as far as romantic relationships (or lack thereof) go. Does anyone else have this issue, or have had it in the past and were able to break through it? What steps in particular did you take to get over this? I'm wondering if I need to go to the lengths of going to therapy to find some "root" for this. I just can't understand why I put myself up for sabotage. Any advice or similar stories welcome. Thanks!
deux ex machina Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 If they can't get close, you can't get hurt.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 its the law of supply and demand. if someone is taken their supply is low so your demand becomes high
Isolde Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Two things come to mind: *You may fear real intimacy that's based on compromise, and being in for the long haul. You may not be comfortable with the vulnerability and thus, the responsibility that comes through in this kind of relationship, almost preferring the thought of such a relationship to actually being in one. and/or *You may just not be ready for a serious committed relationship, and thus gravitate towards people who can't provide one.
monkey00 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Does anyone else have this issue, or have had it in the past and were able to break through it? What steps in particular did you take to get over this? I'm wondering if I need to go to the lengths of going to therapy to find some "root" for this. I just can't understand why I put myself up for sabotage. Any advice or similar stories welcome. Thanks! I think everyone has been in this kind of situation before. Particularly the ones on this board, if not they wouldn't be here in the first place! I've been in these kind of situations before, and sometimes I do fall back into the trap. But I think what's really helped to avoid falling into the trap is just to self-reflect on what you need, what you want, and avoid thinking about what you think you need/want but isn't true to what would really make you happy in the process. Yes in most cases people want what they can't have and everyone loves a good challenge. But I think it's even more important to focus on what's important to you (romantically speaking) - certain qualities in a mate: e.g: how well you compliment each other, how well you get along, sharing similar hobbies, etc. I find it can be all too easy to be trapped in the grey area of achieving happiness, and being miserable because of unrealistic demands. It's up to you in the end. Good luck
Recommended Posts