paxchris Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I am in a confusing situation at the moment and getting mixed signals from a girl. Is she interested or not? The details: She initially pursued me and ask me on a date about a month ago. She followed up for a second date (that we didn't end up going on since I was out of town). She has been flaky in making plans since. We had plans, she canceled, and she is vague about future hanging out. She says she is not over her ex and thinks I'm great but is afraid to date me because she said she knows she'd screw it up. She had a bad unresolved breakup a few months ago. She initiates conversations with me and wants to talk to me frequently, we sometimes talk 5-6 hours a day. She says things as if she likes me and wants to see me, but then remains vague about making plans. My guess is she is not interested (or maybe she really is being sincere?), but why does she keep wanting to talk to me?
WTRanger Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 You sir, are what is known as an "option." She digs you, but she's wanting to see if anything better comes along or if she'll get back with her ex. She likes the time with you and you as a person, but it's not enough to sway her into a relationship. You are on her scale, but your worth just isn't enough yet to tip it into your favor. This is not a good situation to be in my friend. Plus the fact that she's not over her ex should be the reddest flag you have ever seen.
Thaddeus Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 You sir, are what is known as an "option." She digs you, but she's wanting to see if anything better comes along or if she'll get back with her ex. She likes the time with you and you as a person, but it's not enough to sway her into a relationship. You are on her scale, but your worth just isn't enough yet to tip it into your favor. This is not a good situation to be in my friend. Plus the fact that she's not over her ex should be the reddest flag you have ever seen.WTRanger has got it spot-on (though why he has an avatar of Patrick Stewart in a pink nightie is anybody's guess). You're the backup guy, the one that she'll consider but only if she can't find a bigger, better deal (BBD). And many young people - older ones too - will keep their options open for a BBD. Nothing new about this. "Trading up" is as old as time, and it's not gender-specific. So you have to ask yourself one question and one question only: Is your self-respect worth it? Is it worth being the backup plan?
alphamale Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 , but why does she keep wanting to talk to me? cause she's using you for emotional support
Author paxchris Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks for your responses. These weren't really what I was hoping for but I suppose things that I need to hear. I suppose even if someone is not over their ex, the truth is they will still move forward with someone they are really interested in. After all, apart from time, isn't that how people get over ex's? I'm fine with not contacting her anymore, but should I just ignore her when/if she contacts me again? The situation makes me feel more bad then good, I'm just curious the best way to break communication.
WTRanger Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Just be upfront with her in your intentions. You want to go to point B. If she wants anything other than point B, you move on. You're willing to be there for her, if and ONLY IF you are her boyfriend. Anything else, she'll need to cry to her actual girlfriends.
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 There is an element of truth to the not over the ex line but it can also be a nice way of saying "you are not the one who will help me get over him" Move on. Best way to break it off is by telling her you don't feel you are on the same page, therefore YOU need to move on. Wish her well and cut her off.
silverfish Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 She asked you out the first time, and sounds like she pursued you to start with at least. You sound like you are a bit passive in this relationship, so whether or not it works out, that may be something you need to consider in the future.
arhiner Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 She initially pursued me and ask me on a date about a month ago. She followed up for a second date (that we didn't end up going on since I was out of town). She has been flaky in making plans since. There seems to be a "gray" period here. What happened between the first date and when you got back in town? Did the first date go well? Sounds like it from her following up for a second date. Did you upset her by going out of town? Did she see/talk to her ex while you were out of town?
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