STRANGE...but Keep Your Head Up.

[mickleb]

Hello there!

 

UUGGHHH! I am knackered! I started this week feeling pretty upbeat but I knew my first week back was going to be tiring (it always is, after the summer hols). But OMG! It's killing me!

 

Work is going well, I must add - I'm doing a great job because, errr, I'm great at what I do! But I begin to think about him by about 4pm each day and by the time I've left, picked up the dog and got home, I'm SHATTERED!

 

I think I'm probably okay apart from the lack of energy. I did have a bit of a downer yesterday, though because I really missed the hugs !

 

I'm going to blame hormones a bit, too because I can!

 

I am SO pleased you had a great weekend. You deffo deserve kudos (so do I!)

 

I think travelling is a great way of dealing with this. I am going to go dancing when I've got a friend who is able to dog-sit for me (!) and I'd REALLY like to do this thing called skid-pan. (I learnt to drive this year and LOVE it - my instructor told me about this scary thing you can do to learn what to do if your car gets into a skid - they put water and oil all over the track and your tyres are bald!) I'm going to make that my mid-term goal, as I have to save up a bit first.

 

Ok, poppet. Hope your week has been very satisfying and will check in to make sure it has!

 

All the best to you, honey.

 

Mic xxxx

[Danielle46]

Hello there!

 

UUGGHHH! I am knackered! I started this week feeling pretty upbeat but I knew my first week back was going to be tiring (it always is, after the summer hols). But OMG! It's killing me!

 

Work is going well, I must add - I'm doing a great job because, errr, I'm great at what I do! But I begin to think about him by about 4pm each day and by the time I've left, picked up the dog and got home, I'm SHATTERED!

 

I think I'm probably okay apart from the lack of energy. I did have a bit of a downer yesterday, though because I really missed the hugs !

 

I'm going to blame hormones a bit, too because I can!

 

I am SO pleased you had a great weekend. You deffo deserve kudos (so do I!)

 

I think travelling is a great way of dealing with this. I am going to go dancing when I've got a friend who is able to dog-sit for me (!) and I'd REALLY like to do this thing called skid-pan. (I learnt to drive this year and LOVE it - my instructor told me about this scary thing you can do to learn what to do if your car gets into a skid - they put water and oil all over the track and your tyres are bald!) I'm going to make that my mid-term goal, as I have to save up a bit first.

 

Ok, poppet. Hope your week has been very satisfying and will check in to make sure it has!

 

All the best to you, honey.

 

Mic xxxx

 

 

Hey there!

 

Sorry it's taken me more time than usual to get on here...I've been so consumed with school and work. Never ending!! (But I suppose that's a good thing...)

 

Anyway, I had another good weekend. Hung out with my best friend and her cousin most of it, just relaxed, had a few drinks and laughed! Just what I needed!

 

I've been working hard at focusing on my studies and putting in a lot of hours at work. We've planned yet another trip to Orlando for Halloween Horror Nights... which is always tons of fun to go too! You should go sometime!.... I know it's a ways away but hey it could be worth it!

 

We're also planning to go to Disney World while we're up there and possibly do a little fishing as well. I'm real excited and looking forward to that.

 

On a side note about the ex: Still haven't heard anything from him. I grow more and more aggrevated as each day passes and he neglects to say or do anything about the way he left things...one day this shall come around and bite him in the arse! Haha! I can only hope.

 

My days have been relatively solid though....the other day I cleaned up my room and found a couple things that belonged to him (a hat, and a shirt)...so that brought up a few tears but I pulled my way through and just reminded myself of how petty he has been lately. I keep telling myself that I think I miss who he USED to be rather than actually missing him how he is NOW. Something within him has changed, I just don't know what. But it's okay...everything happens for a reason and life is much too short to dwell on what I cannot change.

 

I am focused now on doing things for myself, experiencing things I haven't and surrounding myself with friends that bring out the best in me.

 

My best friend and I actually went to a salsa dancing class tonight...it was pretty fun! My other friend's mom owns a dance studio nearby so we figured we would give it a shot. I do miss dancing...I wish I would have kept up with it when I was younger!

 

It's great to hear that you've been doing well!!!! I'm super happy about that! It's okay to have those mishaps where we feel a little weak...just have to learn to work through them until they cease to occur.

 

When I was about 15 I took a defensive driving course and we did something similar with the oil and water. It really teaches you to be super careful in those types of situations. It was fun at the same time though! Hope you enjoy it!

 

Just like you, Ive been exhausted! But I think that's good for us! That means our thoughts have been elsewhere and concentrated on other things outside of our hardships! That's always a plus!

 

Well, I need to get some shut eye...Ive got class and work in the morning!

 

Hope everything has been going extremely well for you! Keep up the good work... we're going to be just FINE!!

 

<3

[wondering_girl]

It really amazes me how people can just change, just like that. Either I was in denail about him changing because I was just so in love that I just couldn't see it, or it happened overnight.

 

I met some new friends last night when I went out with a friend of mine (she already knew them) and I had a real nice conversation with one of her friends (a guy) and it was nice because I had told him that I was out doing something a little out of my comfort zone...and of course the topic of my recent split came up. I told him I didn't want to burden him with my story because I know that's not something that everyone wants to hear about. But amazingly, he told me he wanted to listen...that he had been hurt before and could maybe shine a little light onto things. So we shared stories and it was nice. It made me feel less alone with all the pain. It definitely helps to talk with other people...

 

Im just still so confused and dont understand why things ended the way they did...almost without a "real" ending. He just simply said nothing and still hasn't. You would think after a 5.5 yr GREAT relationship (minus the bumps at the end) that he would have the respect to be upfront with me and honest. Yet all I got was...nothing. I was left to assume things myself... to assume that this was completely over...I don't even know what to make of that.

 

I know that since he's treated me this way that I should see this as very problematic and a huge flaw in his character. But I think that because he treated me like a queen when we were together, a part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. This is why I feel he's changed over night....

 

...I still keep in touch with his sister and his mom, they are like my own family. Everyone is saddened and angered by his actions. Everyone but him, it seems, can see what a wonderful thing he's giving up. Like I said, I don't know what's going on within him.. I dont know what inner personal battles he's going through...but either way I still feel that I deserved more of an answer from him...more of an explanation than just saying nothing at all.

 

....Maybe one day I'll get one, but maybe by then I just won't care anymore. He had his chance, more like chances, and blew every one of them.

 

[i just love & miss him so... or at least the way he used to be, the genuine, kind hearted guy I fell so hard for]

 

....I honestly wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

 

 

hi girls, reading your posts made me even cry, it's weird how i can feel your emotions as i read your posts.... i feel bad too, ya know, i had a post here saying what to expect.. my boyfriend of 4 years seem to leave me out in the cold to tell me what's happening, and just like you said, was i that bad that you can't tell me what's happening? i thought i would deserve that as well..

 

hugs to you.

[mickleb]

hi girls, reading your posts made me even cry, it's weird how i can feel your emotions as i read your posts.... i feel bad too, ya know, i had a post here saying what to expect.. my boyfriend of 4 years seem to leave me out in the cold to tell me what's happening, and just like you said, was i that bad that you can't tell me what's happening? i thought i would deserve that as well..

 

hugs to you.

 

So sorry, wondering.

 

It is horrible having to just try to pick up the pieces you're left with and let it go. I don't know how to do that, really, I just know that I've got no option. I know that what he did makes no sense, so why push him for more information? I'd only get more of the same. As far as I can figure out, he's been lying to the both of us about his feelings since, maybe, our second date.

 

It's hard to accept that but I don't have anything that makes more sense to go on!

 

But taking care of myself makes sense to me. So much more than anything else. So, in that respect, it's easy (somehow).

 

Last week wasn't so easy. I get headaches when I'm stressed and I had one every day for pretty much two weeks now, since I've been back at work but I get through each day and, this weekend was okay! I haven't been dancing again (will do that!) as head has hurt too much to go flinging it around for two hours but have now perfected making chickpea curry, and saving money that way.

 

Have decided to try to put some aside for little experiences, like a horse-riding lesson, or a 30 minute flight around my local area. Not going to be able to do anything like this for at least a couple of months but writing a list of all the mid-term, achievable things I can do that I would never have even thought about, if I were still watching DVDs with him on the sofa every weekend.

 

This will make all of us stronger. What doesn't kill you (and all that). I've had some tough experiences in life so, more than anything, I know that to be true. Those f*ckers will rue the day! (Getting carried away now!)

 

The best of wishes to you, wondering. And to you, dear Danielle. Hope you're keeping the faith, out there!

 

Here's some cute internet hugging for all of us: ((((((wondering_girl! Danielle46! mickleb - that's right! I'm hugging myself, too!))))))

 

Keep on truckin', ladies. You'll be home before you know it. xxxxx

[wondering_girl]

thanks for the hug mickleb! hi girls, so today, i've been NC for 8 days ever since our silent dinner - my post here is called "silent break-up" if you have a couple of minutes to read.... i've pretty much given up now, but i don't want to lie, there is a little part of me that says maybe he'll have some kind of revelation and he'll be back, but i don't want to hope for that....cause' i don't know if he is ever, but i hate that i'm still giving him the benefit of the doubt.. since he dated me for 4 years to even have the decency to say something, anything...

 

it's hard because it was all of a sudden and all i hear from him is nothing, silence, which i took his silence this time as lack of effort, nothing good to say so might as well not say it, and has given up on us.... it HURTS. but i guess i do have to move on.. i know everyone says it gets better in time but i guess my issue is still fresh.... i'm so impatient, but i guess i need to at this time, i wish i had button to make it all go away......especially the rollercoaster of emotions. i'm even scared of the time that he'll actually contact me.. i'd prefer that if he wanted it to be over don't even contact me at all, he should think that i already know, i can tell by your silence and actions....

 

i just keep thinking, 4 years really.... i was there for you the whole time and this is how you treat the person you were supposedly in love with? i know i need to accept that he doesn't wanna be with anymore and i think why not? ya know.... every day is a different day for me..

 

thanks girls, danielle and mickleb i still can't believe these jerks are treating us like this, UGH. and i hate that its affecting us.

[Danielle46]

Hello Ladies!

 

Geeze have I been busy! I have been meaning to find time to get on here and see how everything has been going for everyone! I hope everything has been going well and that your both feeling stronger and stronger as each day passes.

 

So as you know, I have not spoken to the ex for probably about 2 months...or close to it...well Friday night, I was at my family's house for a get together and I see my cell phone chime with a text message...I look down and it's from HIM! He asked how I was doing, mentioned that he knows we havent talked and all, and made a comment about being in my neighborhood to drop something off to one of my neighbors...(Mind you, that this neighbor lives way down the street, so I would have had NO idea if he was in my neighborhood)...He then made the statement that he hopes all is well with me and that he misses me always...he also said that he still thinks of me always.

 

I refrained from responding b/c Im sick and tired of our conversations occuring on HIS terms. I gave him the opportunity to talk to me...to discuss what was happening, and he simply walked away with his tail between his legs and said absolutely nothing at all. I am not one for vengence or revenge but come on!! So basically, thats where things were left.

 

I'm thinking that he's starting to realize that he may have just made a huge mistake. But I am not about to go back with someone who deals with their issues like he does and who cannot even muster up the courage to speak with me after being so called "in love" with me for over 5 years...seriously, grow the F up!

 

Im not saying that Im happy now Ladies, but Ive reached a point where Ive learned that my life can be just as enjoyable with or without him in it. Im done sulking around and feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I've been traveling, focusing on my studies, working, hanging out with old friends and making new ones...It's been fun actually. I still look at pictures of him and miss him incredibly, but honestly, he's pretty much ruined whatever chance he did have left. There's more mature and appropriate ways of dealing with things than how he chose too.

 

Anyway, that's my update, how have you all been?? Mickleb, I hope your headaches have passed and you're feeling more able to take up dance again =).

 

<3 Hugs to you all!!

[wondering_girl]

hi danielle! awesome to hear everything is going gooooood, i was reading through the old posts and you can definitely see the changeee, i can't wait to be as strong as you are! hopefully even half as strong! so did you ever respond to him? ya think you going to work things out? that's the same thing my ex-bf did too, well never really offcial but he was just silent, so i took it as is.. it's is 10 days of NC now...

 

mickleb hope your headaches are gone..

 

can't wait to hear from you ladies, thanks for listening.....

[trueblue72ny]

hi danielle, i just saw your post on here. same thing has/or is happening with mine, AGAIN. we broke up, got back together (kinda), and within a couple months i am already recognizing the same patterns from her as before. this time i dont feel as bad. ive been talking with wondering girl on her post silent breakup.

 

you know we always seem to want to hold out hope that things will change for the better. im just starting to feel numb about it at this point. if she wants see what else is out there in life - im not begging her to stay anymore! uggggggggg.

[mickleb]

Hullo, hullo!

 

Ms D! A text! OMG. You are staying SUPERSTRENGTH. I am in awe, lady. I think your attitude will help him to realise how serious he would need to shape up, if you were to consider having a decent chat with him. Well done, miss.

 

My headaches have been pure evil, recently. I even had to have a day off work on Friday (this DOES NOT HAPPEN often!) with a fookin' migraine. It was a bit of a low-point, sitting at the doctor's, knowing he would just advise me to up the dosage of the pills I aleady take for *continuous daily headache* (isn't that just a cute-sounding condition to have?????!!!!!!) Anyhoo, I do remember feeling 'I will not let him get me here!' and have, as yet, resisted upping my dosage. I've been having big baths with essential oils, using heat therapy, doing some massage on myself, doing exercises, having nice big walks.. anything, to try to avoid it. If I have to relent, I will but I'm going down fighting....!

 

I haven't been dancing again. But I AM doing a sponsored dog-walk next week, so that's something, eh? Have been chilling with friends, cooking more, etc but do need to get a bit more 'out there', f'shizzle. Money being TIGHTER than (add your own image here) does not help BUT, no excuses. I've got to get my po' man's head on and get creative!

 

Wondering - I have been reading a bit more about the dreaded CP's and thought of you. There was mention in 'He's Scared, She's Scared' of guys just walking out on relationships whilst their partners are doing things like taking a shower! It's really awful of him to do that. I understand your desire for closure. What a horrible thing to do to another human being, really. Hope you're healing, sweets.

 

trueblue - sounds like you may have a CP on your hands, too. Glad you sound so strong. Keep going. x

 

Not entirely sure where I am on the broken / healed spectrum. I must say, one advantage of having a ton of head pain is that, when it stops, I feel better! When the pain goes, this issue doesn't seem quite such a big deal! I'm a bit annoyed at how lonely my flat still seems. I moved here last year, when I knew him so it doesn't really have it's 'own life' yet. I may move at some point but not now. I suppose my brain is pretty okay with eveything and my heart is slowly catching up but still has some way to go, bless it!

 

Anyway. Lovely to update and catch up with yous. D - I can't hide it - I am VERY excited to hear what happens next! So pleased to read how well you're doing.

 

Lots of love to you all, M x

[Danielle46]

WOW! I have been sooo busy it's insaneee! Between school and work and my new found social life it's been crazy, but good.

 

Anyway, I have one heck of an update! Soo let me start with a little background... The ex's brother dated this girl for a while and so naturally I know her through this connection. Well for a while, post break up with the ex's bro, she began dating this other kid and they were together for about a yr or so. Well I guess her and her bf recently broke up and she's been hanging around my ex's brother again. Soo...Im on facebook the other day and this girl sends one of those chat boxes to me with a message... Now I knew she had been hanging out with my ex's brother b/c I saw some pictures she had posted...sooo, in a way, I knew where this whole conversation was headed...

 

Things started off normal, just the whole "how are you...blah blah blah" sort of thing. Then my ex becomes the topic. She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I get better and better and improve as each day passes. She then proceeds to tell me this:.....She basically got the motivation to IM b/c she spoke with my ex yesterday. So she then tells me that he opened up to her, strangley enough, and I just responded by saying something along the lines of "Well you probably know more than me, to be honest."

 

Thennnn....She tells me "Idk where you are at right now or what you want with him but I know he wants you back and that he realizes he made a big mistake. But that he's scared to approach you about it since the time he tried to talk to you, he said you had your wall up"....Then she said "But I told him that girls like you don't exist anymore and that it would take quite a fight to win me back if at all possible. She told him that after what he's put me through that he can't get upset that I have my guard up."

 

Naturally, this upset me but I kept truckin' along. I just kept telling her that my ex KNOWS what he had to do in order to salvage any sort of relationship. I told her that on two seperate accounts, I have him the option to contact me and discuss things...and BOTH times he failed to do so. Therefore, I have picked up the pieces of this broken glass and are beginning to glue them back together.

 

She then just continued to inform me of how big of an ass he feels like for ever breaking us apart and blah blah blah...but to be quite honest, I dont know that I can see myself being back with him. He is someone that I dont know anymore. And I really dont know that I could trust him to never hurt me again since this wasnt the first time he's done something like this to me.

 

I just told her that I had to do some studying and then signed off of facebook. I logged in again today and I had a message in my inbox...from her. She just said to text her when I got a chance and left her number. I responded by telling her that Im not ready to discuss this with anyone but that I appreciate her effort in trying to help. She said she understood exactly where I stand on the issue and wished me the best of luck. I mean all of this explaination is really a nut shell version but it more or less encompasses what happened.

 

On a side note though: I have a date this weekend with a pretty cool guy that I met through a friend in high school. I figured dinner wouldn't hurt and it would give me a chance to sorta delve into what else is out there. He's really attractive and very funny so I figured why not. I will have to let you all know how it goes.

 

I have to say that my mom told me she is VERY impressed with my progress. I was such an emotional wreck that no one really when or if I would improve. But b/c he chose to ignore me, that made it MUCH easier for me to move on b/c I didnt have any emotional set backs to worry about. Im becoming happy with my life right now as I am experiencing things I haven't before and getting back in touch with great friends that I had in highschool.

 

Hope all is well with you guys and I hope to hear some good or interesting news from ya'll soon!

 

<3 Hugssss! xo

[CP78]

Hi--a few days ago I went online to see what was out there about "he wants to take space" and I ended up on Danielle's and Lizzy's exchange...it was really helpful. I have been reading your posts, Danielle, and have found your insights and manner of dealing with your breakup inspiring. So here I go.

 

My boyfriend is six years younger than I am--we started dating when he was 19 and I was 25. I was hesitant to get involved because of the age difference, and we had some rough patches up front, but we just wanted to be together, so we kept on.

Two years ago I broke up with him because I was frustrated with problems in our relationship and I wanted to see someone else. However, the whole time I knew I didn't want to let him go, either. Long story short, it was a terrible time for him, during which I did alot of damage. About two months after our break up we got back together with the knowledge that this time it was for keeps...he proposed very shortly afterward, which took me sort of by surprise and I didn't feel ready, but I said yes. This was in the spring of 2007. We were in NJ and I was going to start a graduate program in CT in the fall--we were going to move up there together. But I took a trip I had planned while we were apart, walking in Spain for three weeks, and when I returned I was uncertain about things, and broke the engagement. I also told him I wanted to move up to CT alone, which I did. He helped me move. I knew he was hurting and I was hurting but I just felt sort of numb about it all. As soon as he left me alone in CT I missed him, and he ended up coming up just about every weekend to see me. But things obviously were strained between us, and he had become unsure about us (understandably). At Christmas he confessed he'd seen two other women while we were still together in October, and apologized, and we decided to try to start fresh. But basically we never really dealt with all that had happened.

So at the end of that year he moved up to CT, primarily because an old friend of his was already up here and we were all going to share a place. So last year we lived together, and fought quite a lot. We always banter and have a sort of comical Ozzy and Harriet thing going on, but it was getting worse. PLUS--I am now 31, and beginning to worry about my fertility and was hoping he was interested in moving forward with us and thinking about these things too. But he's a musician, brilliant, but didn't finish his college education, and trying to figure out what he's going to do (he's now 25). At any rate, we had discussed the problem about my wanting children sooner than later, and talked about maybe needing to break up if he couldn't meet me where I am now...

So, about two or three weeks ago we broke up. I tried to convince him that we can work things out with the help of a counselor, but he feels that it just needs to be over right now. However, since our break up he's told me he loves me, is in love with me, is confused and hurting just as much as me, that he doesn't want to see other women (although he flirts online with them, I know he does). We've had crazy contact since the initial break up, including sex twice (one time after which he said he'd changed his mind and wanted me back). There are alot of detail I'm skimming now but will get to later--but bottom line, I'm initiating no contact since yesterday, though we have to be in some contact because he's living in our old apartment with my two cats (another story--it really pisses me off that he was the one who wanted space and to break up and I'm the one who had to move out). At any rate, there is going to be some communication about all of that (one of the cats is sick) and also I have to go back to the stupid apartment every day to see them and care for them and check my mail, etc.

I know I have to move forward as though we'll never get back together, and am planning to leave this town around Thanksgiving and stay with family through Christmas...but I don't know if I'm just blindly hoping or really have the intuition that he'll change his mind...I just go back and forth, thinking with assurance that he'll want me back, but then I just feel so sad knowing that I have to accept that it's over. I know he's confused and hurting, and that in truth, if our relationship is going to stand a real chance, we do need this time apart. But I just hurt so much, and every day hoping to hear from him (so I can ignore the communication ha ha--though I do wonder if NC is the proper course--is that a game? I just don't know). Ugh. So much, I'm just emotionally vomiting here. But the nights and the mornings are so hard, and I just get online and hope he'll be on Skype or FB chat and try to talk to me.

Thanks for reading/caring--

CP

[mickleb]

WOW! I have been sooo busy it's insaneee! Between school and work and my new found social life it's been crazy, but good.

 

Anyway, I have one heck of an update! Soo let me start with a little background... The ex's brother dated this girl for a while and so naturally I know her through this connection. Well for a while, post break up with the ex's bro, she began dating this other kid and they were together for about a yr or so. Well I guess her and her bf recently broke up and she's been hanging around my ex's brother again. Soo...Im on facebook the other day and this girl sends one of those chat boxes to me with a message... Now I knew she had been hanging out with my ex's brother b/c I saw some pictures she had posted...sooo, in a way, I knew where this whole conversation was headed...

 

Things started off normal, just the whole "how are you...blah blah blah" sort of thing. Then my ex becomes the topic. She asked me how I was doing and I told her that I get better and better and improve as each day passes. She then proceeds to tell me this:.....She basically got the motivation to IM b/c she spoke with my ex yesterday. So she then tells me that he opened up to her, strangley enough, and I just responded by saying something along the lines of "Well you probably know more than me, to be honest."

 

Thennnn....She tells me "Idk where you are at right now or what you want with him but I know he wants you back and that he realizes he made a big mistake. But that he's scared to approach you about it since the time he tried to talk to you, he said you had your wall up"....Then she said "But I told him that girls like you don't exist anymore and that it would take quite a fight to win me back if at all possible. She told him that after what he's put me through that he can't get upset that I have my guard up."

 

Naturally, this upset me but I kept truckin' along. I just kept telling her that my ex KNOWS what he had to do in order to salvage any sort of relationship. I told her that on two seperate accounts, I have him the option to contact me and discuss things...and BOTH times he failed to do so. Therefore, I have picked up the pieces of this broken glass and are beginning to glue them back together.

 

She then just continued to inform me of how big of an ass he feels like for ever breaking us apart and blah blah blah...but to be quite honest, I dont know that I can see myself being back with him. He is someone that I dont know anymore. And I really dont know that I could trust him to never hurt me again since this wasnt the first time he's done something like this to me.

 

I just told her that I had to do some studying and then signed off of facebook. I logged in again today and I had a message in my inbox...from her. She just said to text her when I got a chance and left her number. I responded by telling her that Im not ready to discuss this with anyone but that I appreciate her effort in trying to help. She said she understood exactly where I stand on the issue and wished me the best of luck. I mean all of this explaination is really a nut shell version but it more or less encompasses what happened.

 

On a side note though: I have a date this weekend with a pretty cool guy that I met through a friend in high school. I figured dinner wouldn't hurt and it would give me a chance to sorta delve into what else is out there. He's really attractive and very funny so I figured why not. I will have to let you all know how it goes.

 

I have to say that my mom told me she is VERY impressed with my progress. I was such an emotional wreck that no one really when or if I would improve. But b/c he chose to ignore me, that made it MUCH easier for me to move on b/c I didnt have any emotional set backs to worry about. Im becoming happy with my life right now as I am experiencing things I haven't before and getting back in touch with great friends that I had in highschool.

 

Hope all is well with you guys and I hope to hear some good or interesting news from ya'll soon!

 

<3 Hugssss! xo

 

Oi oi, saveloy!

 

Hello D. I've been over on the Coping forum so missed your reply! How exciting thing have been for you!

 

I have to admit, I would LOVE to hear that my ex had regretted his move. Not necessarily because I would want him back (really not sure I would, at the mo) but because it would feel better knowing I hadn't been so far off the mark. Does that make sense? It's the idea that I thought we were happy together that I find hard to get my head around. I don't like the idea that I could be oblivious to someone's unhappiness whilst they were in a relationship with me.

 

How has it made you feel? Is it validation that you were right, all along? Or has it muddled things up for you again? x

 

Also, how's it going with the newbie??!! He sounds very nice. I like the good looks / hilarious combo!

 

I had a bit of a setback last week. The headaches have been getting worse and it's been bringing me down. So, I made a decision to up the dosage of my tablets a bit AND carry on doing all the other things that help. It's given me an extra bit of strength to move forward. I've also felt conscious that I wanted to move on from the anger stage (that phase kept me going for about 2 months!) At first I went backwards and just felt the old feelings of love and longing but now I feel able to leave it where it ended and have no (not many!) hard feelings for him.

 

I've been going through The Journey From Heartbreak To Connection and find it so helpful. It's a really thorough system for sweeping through your past and sorting out all the crappy clutter that obscures your common sense when it comes to romance.

 

I sort of expect to have the occasional setback now but feel like I'm getting myself back. I have been absurdly skint recently and that hasn't helped anything but I'm coping really well with that situation, too.

 

I reckon, if I can deal with heartbreak, head pain and zero funds, I can pretty much face anything.

 

Write again, D! I want to know about your date!

 

CP78 - have you started your own thread? You'll get a lot more feedback if you copy and paste your story as a new posting. Does CP stand for Commitment Phobic? You sound like a commitment phobic couple. You have many things going for you as you have survived a whole lot already but the trust you have in each other is pretty much mush now, from the sounds of it. I suggest you read He's Scared, She's Scared - very enlightening. Take care. x