Danielle46 Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I'm sure some of you have been following my posts on here concerning my recent break up. I am devastated as ever. I try to remain strong but sometimes I just have those days where it seems like waking up is the ultimate enemy. As petty as it sounds, for some reason this speaks volume to me; I noticed that after I changed my facebook (I know this sounds high school BS but just bear with me) status and just left it blank (I wasn't going to be harsh and label myself as "single" just yet) he went on last night & also did the same to this as well as on his Myspace page...however that one plainly says "single"....He also added a quote saying to "Try to enjoy life as much as possible, you only live once!" Now I know some are going to say this is petty sh*t and not to fret over it...and really I'm trying not too. But being as emotional as I have been lately, it makes not sweating the small stuff very hard. There's a number of reasons why he may have done this. [He didn't want to face people and have to explain that we weren't together, so I knew he wasn't going to be the one to make any sort of public changes...he told me he just couldn't] Therefore, I took the initiative and did so, for myself. Maybe he did this to be vindictive, like "If she changed hers, Ill make mine worse" (childish stuff as such-) or maybe he just is trying to further tell me that he's just "done"... Whatever the case might be, it just got to me and caused a lot of pain. The main message I'm trying to send in this thread is that I know a song that can potentially help all of us cope with our break ups and hard times: It's called "Strange" by Reba McEntire. Even if you aren't into country, take a listen. I've included the lyrics below if you just want to read them... I think this songs speaks volume. STRANGE: I laid there feeling sorry for myself In a bed of kleenex Stuffin chocolates in my mouth On the phone with my best friend cussin my ex He broke my heart Felt like the world had ended I cried myself to sleep Thinkin I cant get over him Strange, talk about luck I woke up And the sun was shining Strange, I ought a be in bed with my head In the pillow cryin over us But I aint, aint love Strange Got half a mind to spend my whole paycheck On one of those dresses Those strapless black ones That are so famous for teaching lessons Dropped by his place Picked up the rest of my things He’ll tell me I look good I’ll laugh and say yeah wastin time Strange Talk about luck I woke up And the sun was shining Strange I ought a be in bed with my head In the pillow crying over us But I aint, aint love Strange Strange Strange Talk about luck I woke up And the sun was shining Strange I ought a be in the bed with my head In the pillow crying over us But I aint, aint love Strange Strange, talk about luck I woke up And the sun was shining Strange, strange I really hope we can all reach the point where we wake and the sun is shining. That day that you finally feel "okay" with life and the way things are going. That moment that we truly learn to cope with everything and realize that life extends past this relationship. Everything happens for a reason...and one way or another, you have to make sure you come out on top. Never look back and say you didn't make the effort to make it work. Believe me, I am out of a relationship that was void of any real issues. We didn't argue, there wasn't any cheating... I'm beginning to think it was merely us growing apart (at least on his account). He's become someone that I don't recognize anymore...I see his picture but there's a void in his eyes. Maybe this isn't meant to be...but like another one of Reba McEntire's songs "...Somewhere out there, is Somebody" [Another uplifting one to listen to, entitled "Somebody"] I wish you all the very best. Let me know if this helped anyone, even just a little.
greenparrot Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 danielle, im youtubing the song, it helps thanks. Your in a right path, I think all of us when we get to the break up it like we're not parting ways from the person we dated. I used to look into my exs eyes and know what she was thinking. Used to look at my celphone and bam out of the nowhere a text from her saying hi. She isnt the one I know, it hurts and I still want her back but I want what she WAS. Im sure you can say that too, because if they we're like before they wouldnt let us go, or be confused. People change for better or worse, I am starting to cope with the idea that she isnt and wasnt my one and only. (I know, I sound soooo cheesy ever since we broke). But it has helped me to know she isnt the same, and she wont be the same. Someone once said her its like talking to a wall, I feel my ex is brainwashed, so cold and so pushing away her true friends and family. Danielle, it tough now, hang in there and stop looking at his Myspace! I for once closed my Facebook to avoid looking at her. Try it, it helps.
Author Danielle46 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 danielle, im youtubing the song, it helps thanks. Your in a right path, I think all of us when we get to the break up it like we're not parting ways from the person we dated. I used to look into my exs eyes and know what she was thinking. Used to look at my celphone and bam out of the nowhere a text from her saying hi. She isnt the one I know, it hurts and I still want her back but I want what she WAS. Im sure you can say that too, because if they we're like before they wouldnt let us go, or be confused. People change for better or worse, I am starting to cope with the idea that she isnt and wasnt my one and only. (I know, I sound soooo cheesy ever since we broke). But it has helped me to know she isnt the same, and she wont be the same. Someone once said her its like talking to a wall, I feel my ex is brainwashed, so cold and so pushing away her true friends and family. Danielle, it tough now, hang in there and stop looking at his Myspace! I for once closed my Facebook to avoid looking at her. Try it, it helps. It really amazes me how people can just change, just like that. Either I was in denail about him changing because I was just so in love that I just couldn't see it, or it happened overnight. I met some new friends last night when I went out with a friend of mine (she already knew them) and I had a real nice conversation with one of her friends (a guy) and it was nice because I had told him that I was out doing something a little out of my comfort zone...and of course the topic of my recent split came up. I told him I didn't want to burden him with my story because I know that's not something that everyone wants to hear about. But amazingly, he told me he wanted to listen...that he had been hurt before and could maybe shine a little light onto things. So we shared stories and it was nice. It made me feel less alone with all the pain. It definitely helps to talk with other people... Im just still so confused and dont understand why things ended the way they did...almost without a "real" ending. He just simply said nothing and still hasn't. You would think after a 5.5 yr GREAT relationship (minus the bumps at the end) that he would have the respect to be upfront with me and honest. Yet all I got was...nothing. I was left to assume things myself... to assume that this was completely over...I don't even know what to make of that. I know that since he's treated me this way that I should see this as very problematic and a huge flaw in his character. But I think that because he treated me like a queen when we were together, a part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. This is why I feel he's changed over night.... ...I still keep in touch with his sister and his mom, they are like my own family. Everyone is saddened and angered by his actions. Everyone but him, it seems, can see what a wonderful thing he's giving up. Like I said, I don't know what's going on within him.. I dont know what inner personal battles he's going through...but either way I still feel that I deserved more of an answer from him...more of an explanation than just saying nothing at all. ....Maybe one day I'll get one, but maybe by then I just won't care anymore. He had his chance, more like chances, and blew every one of them. [i just love & miss him so... or at least the way he used to be, the genuine, kind hearted guy I fell so hard for] ....I honestly wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
mickleb Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Hey honey. So sorry to hear about your pain. I've been doing, generally, better than before but, overwhelmingly, just keep wishing that he was by my side. The same guy I used to know, or one who believed in himself and us enough to try to face this together. But he doesn't. The world looks just the same but emptier. It brings me down but doesn't stop me. I wanted to say, love, that I think your ex (brace yourself, this is painful) wants to play the field. I reckon he knows you're perfect for him but feels to young to commit to you for life. He probably won't have to make many mistakes before he realises what he's done but, of course, it will (likely) be too late by that point. This is my instinct on this but I don't know either of you, so could be completely wrong. I do think you should drop him from fbook and not go anywhere near his myspace page. This time is painful enough and you need to give yourself the best chance of getting through it as smoothly as possible. Chin up, sweets. x
Author Danielle46 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Hey honey. So sorry to hear about your pain. I've been doing, generally, better than before but, overwhelmingly, just keep wishing that he was by my side. The same guy I used to know, or one who believed in himself and us enough to try to face this together. But he doesn't. The world looks just the same but emptier. It brings me down but doesn't stop me. I wanted to say, love, that I think your ex (brace yourself, this is painful) wants to play the field. I reckon he knows you're perfect for him but feels to young to commit to you for life. He probably won't have to make many mistakes before he realises what he's done but, of course, it will (likely) be too late by that point. This is my instinct on this but I don't know either of you, so could be completely wrong. I do think you should drop him from fbook and not go anywhere near his myspace page. This time is painful enough and you need to give yourself the best chance of getting through it as smoothly as possible. Chin up, sweets. x Every day I become more and more aware that this is a possible scenario. And of course, it kills me...but I cannot do anything to change that.He's a smart guy and maybe you're right...that he does know we're great for each other, but being so young and never really having dated anyone else for a good period of time, it's possible that he's seeking that while he still can. I just spoke to his sister on the phone for like an hour and it really helped me. She reassured me that I don't deserve this and that I deserve someone who will treat me like gold. It really feels nice to hear that from her, being that it is her brother and all. Maybe he does need to make the mistake of losing me and see what thats really like before he can fully see the magnitude of his decision. I truly appreciate your input as I always do. I almost wish I knew you more on a personal level b/c you seem like you would be a great friend. And my goal right now is exactly that...to expand my list of friends. Im trying to meet new people and do some things I don't normally do...just so I don't ever look back and regret not giving something a try. I am more than happy to hear that things are improving for you. I know you want him there, believe me... Im in the same boat. But I admire your strength. Take a listen to the song I mentioned.. actually take a listen to both of them... Even if it isn't your type of music, they somehow helped me and really have an empowering message. Keep me posted on your progress. Best, as always, Danielle
mickleb Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Thank you for such kind words. You're an inspiration, Danielle. I think your plans are great. I'm thinking of joining a dance class - could be a good way to work out some of this stress. Wanted to let you know that I put down my thoughts on paper today and got surprisingly angry. I remembered a lot of excuses he'd used to placate me when my instincts sensed something was up - basically, telling me we'd be together for the long run, so I shouldn't sweat the detail. I knew I should have stuck with my gut! It was about time I let this out. I feel a whole lot better for it now. I think we've both been quite forgiving / understanding considering and, I guess, that's because we're good people but, sometimes, raw uncensored anger is called for! I'm thinking of you and looking out for your posts. Enjoy your freedom and your self. Enjoy everything around you. Get what you need and deserve. It's yours for the taking. xx
Author Danielle46 Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Thank you for such kind words. You're an inspiration, Danielle. I think your plans are great. I'm thinking of joining a dance class - could be a good way to work out some of this stress. Wanted to let you know that I put down my thoughts on paper today and got surprisingly angry. I remembered a lot of excuses he'd used to placate me when my instincts sensed something was up - basically, telling me we'd be together for the long run, so I shouldn't sweat the detail. I knew I should have stuck with my gut! It was about time I let this out. I feel a whole lot better for it now. I think we've both been quite forgiving / understanding considering and, I guess, that's because we're good people but, sometimes, raw uncensored anger is called for! I'm thinking of you and looking out for your posts. Enjoy your freedom and your self. Enjoy everything around you. Get what you need and deserve. It's yours for the taking. xx You're 100% correct. I gave him chance after chance with me...and there's only so much someone can take no matter how in love you are with someone. I had a better day today...probably the best yet. I started my new classes and had lunch with a close friend. It's still very hard and a daily struggle but I think I've realized a lot and still have a lot to realize. I get more and more mad as each day passes and he doesn't bother to contact me...not that I'm expecting him to or anything. At this point, I don't expect anything. Everyone thinks his behavior is weird and completely out of character. Maybe one day soon reality will smack him in the face and wake him up. I'm really beginning to think that he's going through something and either doesn't know what it is or isn't willing to share it with anyone. Maybe he's in a rough and confusing patch in his life right now...I just hope he's okay. I've decided to take my anger and redirect that toward something positive...my education. Writing is a great way to release your feelings. I've kept many journals of my own just expressing myself in ways that I can't (or don't desire to) to anyone else. It's helped me cope with things before and it helps me heal with this. I even wrote a letter to him expressing my thoughts and how hurt I am...maybe in time I'll send it to him...but for now it's just another entry. I think you and I are getting into the next stage of the grieving process: Anger. We've spent our days (and will still have more) crying out eyes out and asking ourselves "why?"....But I think eventually you reach the anger stage...and you start telling yourself that you made all the effort you could and now it's time to utilize that effort toward something else. I'm sure I won't have ALL good days... I'm sure I still have many more days of pure hurt ahead of me. But for now, I'm okay. I'm not AS miserable as I have been in the past couple days. My friends have been a huge help to me and have kept me busy and relatively positive. Anyway, keep me posted on how you're coming along. =)
mickleb Posted August 25, 2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Writing can help cure people's asthma, apparently. Doctor's don't know why but accept it's true! Am reading an excellent book, which is really helping (posting the name all over this forum): 'The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection' by Susan Anderson. It's like an analyst in a book, helping you through (think you might like it). Had a rough day but feel okay now, so will soldier on, as usual. Got to take my beloved pup for a small operation tomorrow, so fingers crossed. Hope you've had a good day. x
Author Danielle46 Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Writing can help cure people's asthma, apparently. Doctor's don't know why but accept it's true! Am reading an excellent book, which is really helping (posting the name all over this forum): 'The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection' by Susan Anderson. It's like an analyst in a book, helping you through (think you might like it). Had a rough day but feel okay now, so will soldier on, as usual. Got to take my beloved pup for a small operation tomorrow, so fingers crossed. Hope you've had a good day. x Sorry to hear your day started out rough...I've had my fair share of those...but somehow they usually improve. I think mornings and nights are the most difficult to get through. I hope the operation goes well today. At least you can refocus your energy onto that and spill your love onto your pup! I have been trying to keep myself busy. I still haven't heard from him...and honestly, I'm not even expecting to anymore. I think it's really going to take some time before it seriously hits him how wrong he handled everything. I have been going out with a couple of my close friends and trying to do things a little outside of my comfort zone. I am also planning a trip to the northern part of my state this weekend with my best friend. I think it would do me good to get away from the area for a little. I am also planning on spending some time with his sister...since we're practically sisters ourselves. He isn't going to come between that. So, although I know that is going to be very emotional and difficult, I love her like my own sister so I think it's good if we keep in contact. (As does everyone else) I've been talking to a lot of people, close friends, acquaintances, and such, and they all seem to think that the road I've taken is the right one for now. Ughhh...don't ya just wish life would work itself out without needing a infinite amount of time!? This is soooooo difficult...probably the hardest thing I've endured thus far. I'm sure brighter days are soon approaching... Enough about me...how have you been doing overall? Keeping yourself busy? How's the pup? Hope all is going well :-)
mickleb Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Hey D. Just posted about a hiccup I had yesterday, after having a really good day. (Found a v special photo of him in my purse, whilst in a shop, that I'd completely forgotten about - aarrgh!) But my doggy is FINE, thank you. She's so much more reliable than he ever was! A few days away from home is very useful, I think (although I found it tough returning, at first). What stuff outside of your comfort zone have you been doing? Sounds exciting! I've written a list about things I'd like to do more of: dancing, singing, hiking, etc. One thing I really miss about my ex is his brilliant sense of humour. I'm thinking about going on an online dating site and specifically requesting just emailing from the funniest guy I can find on there. No reason why I should stop indulging in witty banter, as far as I'm concerned. Have you set up an arrangement with his sister regarding information about him? Do you want to have updates on how he's doing? It could make it tougher. As it happens, my best friend is an ex of my brother's. We both live about 120 miles away from him and always got on well. He dropped her (a five year relationship) and went out with another girl (who he's still with) within a week! Not very good behaviour... She said she found it easier to cope with because he was such an a*se about the way he broke up with her. She's very happily living with someone else, now, btw and doesn't look back. Have great time away. I look forward to hearing all about it! x
Author Danielle46 Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Hey D. Just posted about a hiccup I had yesterday, after having a really good day. (Found a v special photo of him in my purse, whilst in a shop, that I'd completely forgotten about - aarrgh!) But my doggy is FINE, thank you. She's so much more reliable than he ever was! A few days away from home is very useful, I think (although I found it tough returning, at first). What stuff outside of your comfort zone have you been doing? Sounds exciting! I've written a list about things I'd like to do more of: dancing, singing, hiking, etc. One thing I really miss about my ex is his brilliant sense of humour. I'm thinking about going on an online dating site and specifically requesting just emailing from the funniest guy I can find on there. No reason why I should stop indulging in witty banter, as far as I'm concerned. Have you set up an arrangement with his sister regarding information about him? Do you want to have updates on how he's doing? It could make it tougher. As it happens, my best friend is an ex of my brother's. We both live about 120 miles away from him and always got on well. He dropped her (a five year relationship) and went out with another girl (who he's still with) within a week! Not very good behaviour... She said she found it easier to cope with because he was such an a*se about the way he broke up with her. She's very happily living with someone else, now, btw and doesn't look back. Have great time away. I look forward to hearing all about it! x Good to hear the pup is doing well! =) Umm...I mean the things Ive been doing aren't like anything "huge" or "dramatic"...let's just say overall I'm a rather reserved girl and I guess i consider going to a bar with my close friends a little out of my comfort zone. Im so used to doing everything with him and we really didn't do things like that for fun. I think going away this weekend will be good for me. Im going with my best friend to Tampa to visit her dad. We're going to a super fancy dinner Saturday night and probably doing some fishing on Sunday morning. So Im looking forward to being out of town and out of the memories for a couple days. I'm assuming I'll be okay when I return. I've had a few hiccups myself...just have to learn to overcome them. It's rough and this is definitely very difficult for both of us...but I just keep reminding myself of how childesh he handled everything and how sorry he's treated me after 5.5 years of nothing but pure happiness. I'm guessing it will eventually hit him...just don't know when...& I'm not really holding out waiting for it either. I have not asked his sister how he's doing. I keep him out of the conversation for the most part. The only thing I've told her concerning our relationship is how "I" have been affected and how "I" feel...I haven't asked for details about his life or anything...I don't know that I want to know...it would make it harder to move on still knowing his every move. His sister and I are like best friends...so I know its going to be very heart breaking to see her for the first time since this whole incident. However, I think that it's good for her and I to keep in contact even though the ex and I aren't together anymore. He has no say in what her and I do...being friends and what not. So whatever. I really can't wait for the day when both of these wake up and realize what they've lost. I keep listening to that song "big yellow taxi" and it really makes me feel good...along with the other one I mentioned before.."strange". Anyway, I will let you know how this weekend goes. I'm going to try to make the absolute best of it in whatever way, shape or form. Hope you have an amazing weekend that's hiccup free!! xo
mickleb Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Hey Danielle! You back from your weekend away, yet? Hope you had a good time. x
Author Danielle46 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Hey Danielle! You back from your weekend away, yet? Hope you had a good time. x Yes, I got home yesterday evening. It was very nice to get away from everything for a little while. I got to visit my best friends dad who I havent seen in many years, along with her stepmom and step sister. We used to be real close growing up so it was great to see them. We went out for a fancy dinner and some drinks after and I enjoyed every moment of it. It really was beneficial to just let go for a little and enjoy life as it is right now. Tomorrow Im getting together with the ex's sister to just kinda catch up. Like Ive mentioned several times, her and I are like best friends (regardless of my relationship with her brother). I plan to keep the conversation light and not put the topic on the ex...I dont think she needs to see my weakness, but more so my strength. I've already cried about everything over the phone so I think it's time now to just relax as friends and not come off as invasive. I've actually planned yet another getaway this weekend. I'm going out of town to Orlando, Fl with my best friend again. Her bf lives there so we're going to go visit and just hang out. I have some friends who attend school there that I knew in high school so I'll probably try to meet up with them as well. I hope my ex is doing well. It's been very strange going from everyday communication with him to absolutely nothing at all. It's like we're leading completely seperate lives...but I guess that's just the way it is right now. I'm sure that in the near future he'll begin to reflect on the situation and how he handled everything and maybe he'll man up to what he's put me through. Anywho, enough about me, how have you been doing!? How's the pup?? Hope all is well!! :-)
Author Danielle46 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Great lyrics thanks a lot Glad they helped! It's weird because it's seriously how things kinda play out. Real depressed...then things start looking brighter... One day at a time...crappy, yet true. Best of Luck!! :-)
soheartbroken Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Hey Danielle, Just skimming through this thread. Could you direct me to your original thread? I'm interested in knowing a bit more. My partner left me after 5 years, and ceased contact. It's been 7 weeks since the breakup, 11 days of NC. Just wondering if there are some similarities between our stories (how long since your breakup?). I wish I knew what she was thinking...
Author Danielle46 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Hey Danielle, Just skimming through this thread. Could you direct me to your original thread? I'm interested in knowing a bit more. My partner left me after 5 years, and ceased contact. It's been 7 weeks since the breakup, 11 days of NC. Just wondering if there are some similarities between our stories (how long since your breakup?). I wish I knew what she was thinking... Hello, I think if you click on my username you can access my older threads. The original one was entitled "What are your thoughts??"...or something along those lines. It's complicated to say when exactly we "broke up"...because we got back together and then he said he was having his "issues" again so I ended up giving him an ultimatum b/c I couldnt take the emotional rollercoaster any longer. (Like I said...very complicated). Help yourself to my previous threads. It's been an uphill battle! I haven't spoken to him in about 3 weeks...and he never responded to my ultimatum.. so basically I was left hanging, not knowing how exactly he felt....and I really still don't. I can assure you that one thing that has helped me cope is spending an enormous amount of my time with friends. I've been going out of town and just re-establishing old friendships that I've kind of let go since high school. I was with my ex for 5 and a half years so I know what it likes...it's more than losing the person you love as a girlfriend/boyfriend, it's like losing a best friend and someone who you grew up with. It's been extremely difficult but somehow I'm managing to move myself forward day by day. I'm sure that in both of our situations, the day will come when the ex's realize what they've lost...but like you, I'm still waiting. Best of Luck and let me know if I can be of any help. :-)
Author Danielle46 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Hey hon. Hope you're doing well. x Hello, Im doing as best as I can...I responded to your last thread but it might be on the 1st pg, if you'd like to read it there.. I hope everything has been going well for you! I met up with the ex's little sister today and we had a really nice conversation for over an hr. We did discuss him but it was kept light and I held my composure...I didnt bust out in tears when discussing him. I did cry when I first saw her and gave her a hug. She's real upset with his decision...she basically hasn't really said much to him...I'm sure she sees the difference in him as well. Every day gets a little easier...just gotta keep going...don't really have any other choice. Anywho, how have you been?? No more hiccups right? :-)
mickleb Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Yes, I got home yesterday evening. It was very nice to get away from everything for a little while. I got to visit my best friends dad who I havent seen in many years, along with her stepmom and step sister. We used to be real close growing up so it was great to see them. We went out for a fancy dinner and some drinks after and I enjoyed every moment of it. It really was beneficial to just let go for a little and enjoy life as it is right now. Tomorrow Im getting together with the ex's sister to just kinda catch up. Like Ive mentioned several times, her and I are like best friends (regardless of my relationship with her brother). I plan to keep the conversation light and not put the topic on the ex...I dont think she needs to see my weakness, but more so my strength. I've already cried about everything over the phone so I think it's time now to just relax as friends and not come off as invasive. I've actually planned yet another getaway this weekend. I'm going out of town to Orlando, Fl with my best friend again. Her bf lives there so we're going to go visit and just hang out. I have some friends who attend school there that I knew in high school so I'll probably try to meet up with them as well. I hope my ex is doing well. It's been very strange going from everyday communication with him to absolutely nothing at all. It's like we're leading completely seperate lives...but I guess that's just the way it is right now. I'm sure that in the near future he'll begin to reflect on the situation and how he handled everything and maybe he'll man up to what he's put me through. Anywho, enough about me, how have you been doing!? How's the pup?? Hope all is well!! :-) Hey hon. Don't know how I missed this - sorry! So glad to hear you had a good time. I think you're doing brilliantly. I'm pretty good. Stronger than ever, although I can still get blue, naturally. I'm looking forward to going back to teaching tomorrow. That was my main aim, this summer: to get my head around it enough that it wouldn't interfere with my work. And I think I've done it! Obviously, I have to put that to the test but I really think I'll be ok! My doggy's doing very well, too, thank you! It is very weird not being part of their lives, all of a sudden. It makes you feel you don't know them. I really don't feel as though I know who he is, anymore. It's horrible. Are you prepared for him not realising what he's lost? x. I still half-expect him to show up as it was so weird but I feel he has just carried on with his fingers in his ears, not facing up to anything. Don't know. I have to say, weird as it is, I am now very aware that NC has best enable me to deal with this. I feel my 'old self' returning, and I'm thankful for that. Stay strong, Mic xx
Author Danielle46 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Hello again, Yes, it is weird how I went from knowing this man like the back of my hand to not knowing who he is at all. It's very strange. His sister doesn't even know what's going on...she doesn't know where he goes or what he does...she doesnt know how he feels...its like no one does... I'm still thinking that one day down the road he is going to contact me, but I dont hold my breath. My guess ( & other people's) is that he is either.. A) Going to end up with a real fluzy or B) end up with no one...and then see what a great thing he gave up. My friend made me feel REALLY good today...she said he doesn't know what he's missing...a beautiful girl with brains that is going to be a doctor! She's such a sweetheart! It's really helped having my best friends around while I'm going through this. NC has helped me too. I know that if I would have been keeping in contact with him that it would be much harder to cope with the loss of our relationship. I would then be wondering what he's doing and I think that would have completely messed everything up. So I definitely agree that, although difficult, NC was the best thing for us to do. Like I've said before & will say again...if we mean THAT much to them, & they feel as if they're losing the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, then they will make every effort to make us see & accept that...It will be difficult, at least for my ex, due to everything he's put me through recently. Good guy or not, this has been ultimate hell! But overall, yes, I'm doing well. I still have those moments where I choke up because something or someone reminds me of him. We had some really amazing times together and I will forever cherish every moment. I just wish we could have continued having those times together. But, oh well. KARMA!.... That's what we need to wait for. Not that they did something "wrong" per say, because people break up all the time...but just that they gave up two pretty amazing people (if i do say so myself-haha). So, I take it you're a teacher...obviously...what grade do you teach? Any plans for the weekend?? xo
mickleb Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 A doctor, hey? That's fantastic! Good for you. x I teach teenagers in a children's home. These kids really know what it feels like to be abandoned. I love my job. I've finally found my vocation. I know that threatened him, too, from what he said. So, last night, after feeling really good for about two whole days (a record!), I got down again. Don't know why but I blubbed. I did my usual routine of stuff and it helped. It was good to be back at work but, every time I had a minute by myself, he crept back in. I knew I'd have a cry when I got home and I did. But it didn't last too long. If I don't have a bit of a cry, I get a headache, so I allow myself that when I'm able to. It was great to concentrate on more important stuff, though. Feel okay again, now. Time keeps marching forward and I'll go with it. And, one day, this will be done. I just miss the good times. That's normal. I know that I'm a great catch (he knew it, too, just can't commit to anything long-term). I'll be fine. Um, weekend.. Hopefully, starting my dance class on Sat eve, if my friend can dog-sit. I'm saving money where I can so I can, one day, plan another holiday. (Had to cancel this year's because of him. It was going to be my first for four years!) So, going to cook a lot of food on Sunday, that I can eat through the week. What about you? x
Author Danielle46 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 A doctor, hey? That's fantastic! Good for you. x I teach teenagers in a children's home. These kids really know what it feels like to be abandoned. I love my job. I've finally found my vocation. I know that threatened him, too, from what he said. So, last night, after feeling really good for about two whole days (a record!), I got down again. Don't know why but I blubbed. I did my usual routine of stuff and it helped. It was good to be back at work but, every time I had a minute by myself, he crept back in. I knew I'd have a cry when I got home and I did. But it didn't last too long. If I don't have a bit of a cry, I get a headache, so I allow myself that when I'm able to. It was great to concentrate on more important stuff, though. Feel okay again, now. Time keeps marching forward and I'll go with it. And, one day, this will be done. I just miss the good times. That's normal. I know that I'm a great catch (he knew it, too, just can't commit to anything long-term). I'll be fine. Um, weekend.. Hopefully, starting my dance class on Sat eve, if my friend can dog-sit. I'm saving money where I can so I can, one day, plan another holiday. (Had to cancel this year's because of him. It was going to be my first for four years!) So, going to cook a lot of food on Sunday, that I can eat through the week. What about you? x It's okay to cry...it's a release of stress. I've had my moments too but I really feel that's completely natural. I must say though that we are coping rather well. I think it's because we've realized that WE didn't do anything wrong...we're both intelligent and obviously down to earth, great people. I think that our keeping in touch has also helped since we can relate our situations. I appreciate you being there! I really do. I know I don't know you personally aside from just posting on here but you've been a great help and I always look forward to hearing from you. This weekend...I'm actually going out of town again :-). I've decided that traveling is probably the best way to help me cope... to just kind of get away from everything here for a little while. It's a holiday weekend anyway so I dont have to be back until Monday night. Might as well make the best of it. My best friend and I are heading to central Florida for a little getaway. Should be nice. I love dancing! That's great that you're going to get into that. I would LOVE to get back into dance, it's just quite an expense for what I wanted to do...I was thinking ballroom... always looks so elegant and is a great way to get into shape. Well, I hope you have tons of fun this weekend and I will be back next week to update you on how mine goes. Best of Luck as always, and I hope to talk to you again soon...this time I hope you can say you had an "amazing" time!! xo
mickleb Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Hey girl! How was Flo-Rida? Was the weather gorgeous? It was windy here.. Weekend was good and a bit crap. Saturday was fun, got lots of chores done and went to dance class. I really enjoyed it, although I should've eaten more before going (it was 2 hours long and I felt a bit queasy in the middle!) Sunday was a bit ****e due to hormones and an accompanying migraine (explains the earlier blubfest, tho, so that's ok!) Work was good today. Got a bit of perspective on my situation whilst driving home. Decided he was like my last job: it was pretty good, the best job I'd had at the time but there were frustrations and, in the end, it wasn't good enough. I knew I could do better and I went out and did that. No reason why I can't do that with my love-life. I'm so fortunate in so many ways. But mainly because I've searched and worked long and hard for what I've got. I just have to keep making my life better! Hope you had a great time. Look forward to hearing all about it. x
Author Danielle46 Posted September 8, 2009 Author Posted September 8, 2009 Hey girl! How was Flo-Rida? Was the weather gorgeous? It was windy here.. Weekend was good and a bit crap. Saturday was fun, got lots of chores done and went to dance class. I really enjoyed it, although I should've eaten more before going (it was 2 hours long and I felt a bit queasy in the middle!) Sunday was a bit ****e due to hormones and an accompanying migraine (explains the earlier blubfest, tho, so that's ok!) Work was good today. Got a bit of perspective on my situation whilst driving home. Decided he was like my last job: it was pretty good, the best job I'd had at the time but there were frustrations and, in the end, it wasn't good enough. I knew I could do better and I went out and did that. No reason why I can't do that with my love-life. I'm so fortunate in so many ways. But mainly because I've searched and worked long and hard for what I've got. I just have to keep making my life better! Hope you had a great time. Look forward to hearing all about it. x Hey there! Just got back from my mini vacation. It was nice to get away. I actually live in Florida, we just went slightly north of where I reside. I actually had a blast this weekend. It was just what I needed. My best friends boyfriend lives in Central Florida so we stayed at his house and met up with some old friends from highschool and our childhood. It really turned out to be a great weekend. My best friend and I decided that we are going to start traveling more often now, especially to Central Florida. We're thinking of going back at the end of the month. I still haven't heard from the ex...it's really something, I tell you. I can't imagine what is going through his mind that makes him think it's okay to just ignore everything. Oh well...I'm just doing my thing and concentrating on doing good for myself. What else can you do? I'm glad you had a relatively good weekend. It's always nice when you can just forget about the issues and be as happy and carefree as possible. I think we're doing pretty well though...I give us Kudos! :-)
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