borbiusle Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 My GF dumped me about a month ago. I've managed to maintain strict NC, changed her name on my phone to "Lies.com" as to not be tempted into responding to her, so I'm doing good in that regard. I've taken to doing cardio, running 3 miles a day, which helps me feel OK for a few hours but once I'm back in my apartment, I go into this slump where I don't feel like doing anything. If I'm not on my computer, I kind of just lay in my bed napping alot hoping I'll feel better when I wake up. When I wake up, this sluggish, apathetic feeling just follows me throughout the day. I can't find motivation to do things outside of paying bills/taking a shower/going to work. Any tips or advice would be appreciated. Alcohol/drugs/medication are never options for me, so please don't suggest any of that, I'm very against that stuff.
heatherb16 Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 The steps you are taking sound great to me. I love that you changed her name to Lies.com. I think that is awesome. I'll probably go do the same. Just continue doing what you are doing. NC will pay off... I promise! Slowly, things will get easier. Continue doing things you love. Being with friends and family, going to work, the gym etc. Try something you've never tried before! When you go out with friends, have fun. Show everyone the fun guy that you really are. Eventually you WILL want to start that new, fresh relationship, and being down about your previous one wont give you very far, will it? Be open to new possibilities
georgia girl Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 You may be truly experiencing "situational depression" or depression that is temporary, arising out of a situation of stress or trauma in your life. (This is vs. depression, which has much more long-term significance.) Since I too, was a sufferer when my mother passed away and I'm not a fan of taking any drugs, I did some similar things. I took up running mostly because my mom died of heart disease but then found the benefits of exercise so helpful. So, that's a great first step. Another thing I learned to do and have applied it to my current situation is to plan things that I'll enjoy doing so I always have something to look forward to. I especially plan things for Saturday and Sunday with my friends. At first, you'll do it because you "should" do it versus really wanting to do it, but you'll be amazed at how much better you feel once you start getting active again. Please don't wallow. That's what you're doing when you're napping. Distract yourself and you'll be just fine.
EricaH329 Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Unfortunatly, what you are going through is a part of the healing process. You cannot get away from it. Sure, when you are out doing things, your mind is off of all those terrible thoughts, but that's just temporary. When you are alone, and you get upset, or sad, or apathetic, I suggest you embrace it. Take it all in. Accept the fact that if you do not allow yourself to grieve and feel these emotions, that you will never get over it. You will only hide it, suppress them. They will come back up at a later time, one that is more than likely not appropriate. It is a good idea to keep yourself busy, however. So you don't drown yourself in emotion, or lack thereof. I know this time is trying for you. It becomes draining. But I promise, this is all a part of the necessary steps to healing and moving on. As much as it might seem like this will never pass, it will not last forever. Endure them for the time being. You will become a much stronger person for having allowed yourself to get through this the way that nature intended. I wish you the best of luck!!
broken_promises Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I'm also prone to sinking deep into the kind of depression you are describing. I can't say it has been working 100% but the three things I have been doing during this current breakup that have been helping are: -making sure that I have plans to look forward to with friends (or even with myself.) It can be anything... not just fun stuff, but mundane stuff too. For example, I will plan out when I will clean out my car or something like that so that I am focusing on me/the future/my life AND it gets me out of the house. I always find getting out to be crucial to battling depression. -exercise, which you already mentioned. I love hiking, so planning and getting out to go hiking in addition to normal workout routines also gives me a boost of help to battle the depression. -reading books about working on myself and examining why I get into the kinds of relationships I do. This helps me to feel like I can indulge in the feelings I still have about the breakup but while also doing something productive so that I can better myself for future relationships.
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