leap83 Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Well, I have to rant a bit. It's long. Bare with me. After being apart for a year and almost 2 months now, I have gathered the strength to contact my ex. He initiated the contact about 2 weeks ago and wanted to add me as a friend on fb but I rejected it, telling him that now is not the good time to do that - the exact same day, something else happened with this other guy and I didn't want to stir more trouble and emotional turmoil for this other person. However, I didn't tell this to my ex, because I don't really think he needs to know. He replied that he completely understands (somehow I doubt that and I think he was hurt by the rejection). There's no hope in us getting back together ever again. That's 100% because we're 2 completely different people personality wise. However, we did agree on staying friends (after everything blows over). After rejecting his friend request, I felt horrible (not because I had feelings for him but because I thought it was bitchy of me). So, today, I gathered some strength to send him a message and apologize to him for everything that happened between us. I was a horrible person back then and I hurt him a lot (he hurt me too so we both have our own share of faults, but I decided to take responsibility for the things I've done to damage him emotionally). I wrote him a very heart felt message and I truly hope he reads it and accepts my apology. I have no idea how this will impact him. I gave him my number if he wants to talk. I believe we owe each other that much. I also know it's not fair towards the guy I am/was (?) seeing, but I thought and I hope I'm right, that for me to be completely over my ex and everything I did (I feel guilty) in that relationship and everything that happened between us, I need to get in touch and apologize. Have any of you reached this stage? If yes, and you've done it, how did your ex react? Did it send them right into relapse (I hope that's not the case because that's not my intention)? How many of you have stayed friends with your exes and have a good relationship? I would really like us to be friends because 4 years is a long time and we shared so much that if we didn't stay friends, those 4 yrs would be such a waste... Plus I value him as a person...
Thaddeus Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Why oh why do women insist on being "friends" with their exes? Is it about ego? Is it so she can count on him to do all those things that he used to do in a relationship without having to give anything back in return? Look, here's the thing: Short of having an affair, hearing the "let's just be friends" line from a woman a man used to be involved with is about the biggest kick in the stones a man can feel. And yes, it will pretty much make him relapse. Just realize that it didn't work out and be done with it so you can both move on without continually looking in the rear view mirror.
Author leap83 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Ummm... it wasn't me who suggested that.... It was him. He said that he would like to be friends with me when everything blows over. I was against it. Then I thought about it and changed my mind. Also, he initiated contact with me a couple of times - first time was in December to wish me a happy birthday (we were NC for 7 months before that); then in January again out of the blue; then again in July this year - again out of the blue; and then he tried to add me as a friend on fb 2 weeks ago... out of the blue (and contacted me). So, who is doing the initiating? Me or him? The first time I contacted him and initiated contact was now... today. Everything else has been him. I don't think you've read my whole post. I don't insist. He does. That's my point. And no... I don't want him back. I have someone else. So does he, I believe (last time I've heard from his friends).
Exit Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 There's definitely a chance that he'll take it as a sign of hope. You had no reason to feel bad for rejecting his FB request, you know it's best for both of you. To go back and apologize for it is going to make him think you have feelings and regrets.
Author leap83 Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 There's definitely a chance that he'll take it as a sign of hope. You had no reason to feel bad for rejecting his FB request, you know it's best for both of you. To go back and apologize for it is going to make him think you have feelings and regrets. True. However, I think I need to give a bit more background. He broke up with me. So, I suffered greatly for 6 months and it took me a hell of a time to get over him. I had my fair share of faults in our relationship and that was the reason why I apologized. I didn't apologize about rejecting his request though. I told him straight up that I can't accept his request. I don't think he wants/needs hope. He is still with the girl he left me for. They're happy (last time I heard of them). Good for him. You would think it would give me hope (if anything). Haha. But I don't need hope because, just like him, I know we're not right for each other. And so does he. Thus the break up. I also, like him, met someone else who is far more compatible and he's just an amazing person overall... blew away my expectations that I would ever meet someone like that... This friendship would be purely because, even though I don't love him anymore/have no intention of getting back with him, I care about him. And I think he views it the same way (I could be wrong). I think we've both reached that stage of "hell... I hurt him/her badly... I owe them an apology".
sexibanez Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 True. However, I think I need to give a bit more background. He broke up with me. So, I suffered greatly for 6 months and it took me a hell of a time to get over him. I had my fair share of faults in our relationship and that was the reason why I apologized. I didn't apologize about rejecting his request though. I told him straight up that I can't accept his request. I don't think he wants/needs hope. He is still with the girl he left me for. They're happy (last time I heard of them). Good for him. You would think it would give me hope (if anything). Haha. But I don't need hope because, just like him, I know we're not right for each other. And so does he. Thus the break up. I also, like him, met someone else who is far more compatible and he's just an amazing person overall... blew away my expectations that I would ever meet someone like that... This friendship would be purely because, even though I don't love him anymore/have no intention of getting back with him, I care about him. And I think he views it the same way (I could be wrong). I think we've both reached that stage of "hell... I hurt him/her badly... I owe them an apology". I dont know either of you, but it really really sounds like he is not over you and wants to reestablish contact. This would be the first step in getting back with you even though you say you're both happy in other relationships. I agree though with one of the previous posters, you need to cut him off as he is not getting the message - you cannot be friends, especially as he is doing nearly all the nc breaks, he needs to move on further than he has.. It's sad, but the time you had was not a waste, you will grow and learn from it. But there are no further times that should be had together or you risk jeopardising your relationships.
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