Relapsing?! But I thought I was doing OK :(

[entityzero]

Hey everyone dont wanna take up too much of anyones time as there are alot of problems on here and I had my time back at the start of the year getting some great advice on these forums..

Short story, my girlfriend of 2 years who was 19 and i was 25, broke up with me last November and immediately started seeing a "friend".

I was absolutely broken by it and not a day goes past that I dont miss her even though I should hate her, I invested waaaay too much of myself in that relationship and it burnt me so bad.

 

So 8 or 9 months down the track and life sort of has a way of settling down and the anger and rage and disbelief sort of went to the back of my mind, but it was still hard coz we live pretty local to each other.

Im always scared i'll run into them, its not way to live trust me!

I had some awesome experiences that I never would of had if we stayed together though so I just kept looking forward.

 

So i've been no contact with her for like maybe 5 or 6 months, until last week when she texted me because shes finally moving out of the place we shared and needed to give me some money back.

And through that, i found out she is now living with my "friend" and it's bought it all back for me.

 

I feel like ive relapsed and I miss her still alot, im so jealous all the time about her sleeping next to him every night like we did, this guy is a piece of crap and it just makes me wonder why I wasnt good enough to live with but he is?? WTF?

 

Or does this mean its the beginning of the end, and that now they're living together it's the true test, and within 6 months they'll ****ing hate each other.. I never wanted it to get this far in the first place.

 

I know im worrying about stuff I cant control, and that I should be over both of those dishonest people, but my mind always wonders back to images of them having sex in his home, and I just cant get out of the rut of it.

Ive tried counselling and anti-dep pills and they worked for me earlier in the year, but now im relapsing, HELLLPPP!!!!

[sexibanez]

I understand what you're going through as my situation feels similar.

 

Only YOU can help you. The reason you are feeling all these emotions and relapses are because a) you're still nowhere near over her, and b) you guys have broken no contact.

 

You say you were having some good experiences without her. Keep that up, you absolutely must learn to have fun without her in your head. It'll take time, but do not contact her - it will only wound YOU and resurface all those horrible feelings and anxieties in YOU. Let her go off with her friend - and STOP dwelling on how you think you weren't good enough for her and how he is, and on all the sex they are having! Dude!

 

You are torturing yourself, you need to let go of the past and not let it get in the way of your future relationships with people. I'm dealing with my problems via NC, a strong group of friends and family, and building my confidence with other women.

 

Take her OFF that ridiculous pedestal she is on in your head, get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of her, pctures, facebook/myspace friendship, her number her everything, she has moved on with somebody else and you need to sort yourself out. I know none of this advice is easy to take, but I know that contacting or staying in touch with my ex is the worst thing i could possibly do. Same goes for you.

 

Be strong man, but there is light at the end of the tunnell, always.

[Exit]

Most people here will just tear you a new a-hole and tell you you're being silly, and to let go. But I know what it's like to be stuck in this rut, and it's easier said than done.

 

It's only natural that you're relapsing since you just had a bit of contact with her again.

 

As far as their relationship, no, it shouldn't be your concern, and you shouldn't be looking to comfort yourself by predicting that it will fail, but you know what, it probably will. What kind of foundation do they have if she started dating him right after you? She didn't properly heal after losing you, she just replaced you. If she can do it that easily to you, some day she'll do it to him too. And if it does work out, who cares?! They deserve each other if they can deal with each other's BS. In all likelihood, they both probably have issues, and it will catch up to them some day. But you shouldn't need to worry about that to make yourself feel better. Just because she is with him does not mean you are not worthy of loving. It means she's a child who gets bored with one toy and moves onto the next one.

 

I know this type of girl, my ex left a 4 year relationship and was with me the next day. Now we broke up and she's with someone again.

[BW007]

EO... I think we may be in the same boat. It is REALLY over, forever, fogedaboutit, done, finished, perma f'ed and we are both holding on to that last gasp of desire to have them back. You can read my stupid update a little further down. Luckily though, recent crappy developments have soured any lingering positive feelings I have unexpectedly held onto against all logic.....She really could give a rip about me, she is actually a skeezy cheater, the new guy who has quickly impregnated her is stuck with a cheater for life. She cheated on him too, already.., He WILL be sorry if he is not already.

I do not want to wish evil upon her because I think things like that just reflect back to pain for me, and why bother, although I do hate the other guy.

 

Don't get me wrong I miss her constantly, but I really think this is the last gasp of giving a crap about her. She was important as hell to me and once, I was to her, I know for a fact. She should not have given up, because I was never going to. But it is gone. I have to be ok with that like it or not.

Allow yourself to really and truly believe she is a sh#@head, because she is.... my ex is. I really loved her but she has decided I ain't worth the time of day. So do I just hate myself(which I have been guilty of doing during this) or would the hate be better placed upon her sleazy shoulders?

Our problem is that we still love them despite all this crap. We both need to man up and go forward in life without them in our thoughts so much.

[Exit]

Good post BW. I will always have the comfort of knowing that I truly would have made 100% effort for my ex, I never would have given up, and she was silly enough to walk away from that. She fought so hard to convince herself that I'm a terrible person and everything I offered her were lies, but it just isn't true. She gave up on all that, and some day I will give it all to some other woman.

[entityzero]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

It makes me feel so weak though, why after ALL this time am I still not over her?

Well, i know why really, coz i was so besotted with her, like.. I just feel so much jealousy that he gets to enjoy her physically in his house, while I crawl into bed alone every night.

 

I've tried dating other girls but i compare them to her (usually physically, i didnt THINK i was that shallow..but..).

But it's not just physical, I miss alot about her, she was so cool, like.. street smart and into alot of the things I was, except now I just think about how much more suited they probably are.. and it burns me up.

 

Im so scared to go out alot of the time in fear of seeing them, it would kill me i know it, honestly I dont know what I would do so i've been walking around on eggshells in my own town.. it's like their relationship haunts me everyday.. If she didnt hook up with someone i know it would be so much easier, but I know what he's like, he was a mate for almost 10 years so I know what he's like and I cant get them out of my mind

 

I think I just need to resign myself that if i stay here in this city the burden of their relationship will never leave me.

[Meaplus3]

Hey EZ. Listen, Don't beat yourself up for sliding backwards a bit, it's natural after having had some contact with your x. Now, just get back to NO contact and stay with it. If you can keep busy.. that's always a good thing. Have faith in yourself that their is someone else out there for you that deserves your full attention and love. You will be ok.. just give it time. Best wishes.

 

Mea:)

[entityzero]

Thanks for the support everyone.

But I still just feel like absolute c**p, is it really normal to still care about someone who hurt you so bad 8 months down the track?

I cant bring myself to admit she did me wrong and that she was selfish and uncaring.

I know all that, but my mind cant accept it and turn it into hate towards her, i still think about all the little things i loved about her, and just feel jealousy down to the pit of my stomach that he is with her now.

 

And you're right, they do both have issues, but i just have this feeling that somehow they'll be together forever, because thats the kind of luck that i have.

 

What. The. Hell. Do. I. Do??? I need to get over this, i'll afriad i'll never find a girl who I will feel absolutely crazy over, like I did my ex...

Whats wrong with me?

[BW007]

EZ-

 

You are not alone with this. I am feeling this so bad right now. She did me major wrongs, she moved on, she doesn't love me anymore.

Why should we have any sort of care for these people who were so careless with us.

 

I feel the same as you do and it is so terrible. As shallow as it seems I think we both need a rebound to really like us again. I am absolutely ruined right now. ACK!

 

No advice tonight, it is just telling you you are not alone with thes messed up positive feelings.

[entityzero]

I really appreciate that man thankyou, im sending those good vibes right back to you.

And you're right, as soon as I find somebody im as crazy about, i'll be ok, if I only I wasnt scared to go out incase I see them, my city isnt a big city.

 

But, time keeps rolling on, i'll keep you posted.

[jlr]

There's no such thing as normal. Everyone deals with it all differently. I can totally understand why you'd still be hurt over it, especially since you were recently reminded of it.

 

I was in a five year relationship that ended late last year, and I'm not over it. At best, things are bearable, but I'm still torn up by it. I also get reminders of it from time to time, contact from her, etc.

 

Just hang in there. Let's hope time heals all. The amount of time it takes, well, that's different for everyone.

 

You're not alone in feeling this way.

[entityzero]

Thanks everyone, the best thing out of this is that no one is alone in feeling like this i guess.

 

stillfading69 i cant imagine what it would of been like to see what you saw, those things cannot be unseen ya know?

But at least you've had to face that demon, mine still lurks over my shoulder like the corpse of my dead past, its ridiculous.

 

I know it's more the idea of us and her in a perfect world is what im pining for, i still do have her on a pedastal as some amazingly cool and different girl that is unique in someway.

I was also SO infatuated with her looks and body that i've totally let it warp my perception of who i'll ever be happy with again, its dangerous and its damaged me a little inside i think.

 

Even though really, she has massive issues that i probably dont need in my life, but i have the feeling that her new boyfriend has the same kind of issues, and that in itself will bond them.

They're both emotionally stunted so its not like they'll be talking about that stuff like i used to with her, I just hope that that is what marks the beginning of the end for them, that and the fact they've just moved in together.

 

Anyway, im rambling.. really appreciate all the support here 8 months down the track and this is still the hardest s**t i've dealt with in a long, long time.