4givrnt4gtr Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Im wondering what makes men decide whether a girl they see (and probably know) is good for just a good time vrs a relationship. Provided she doesnt dress provocative or seeks them out. What makes men seek out a girl, knowing fully well they wont have anything long term with her, just date her for a predetermined amount of time. Im asking because that seems to happen to me a lot. Even with supposed "nice guys" (as is my current boyfriend). He confessed to me a while back that when he first asked me out he thought it would just be a fling, nothing serious. That same night he asked me out another one of our friends asked me out, with him i knew right away cuz he is bassically a player, but my boyfriend? I was baffled. (Ive known them both for years) I even asked him what in the world would make him think I would be the type of girl who would be ok with a casual relationship, a fling. He just said that I seemed carefree and fun. (Bs, by all standards Im quiet and reserved) Ive been thinking about my past relationships and all of them have been that way. The guys ask me out and then I realize they just wanted an "in the meantime" thing, either to get over someone, while they finished their degrees and moved back home in a couple of months, etc. What could I possibly be doing that gives men the wrong idea??
Hkizzle Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Im wondering what makes men decide whether a girl they see (and probably know) is good for just a good time vrs a relationship. Provided she doesnt dress provocative or seeks them out. What makes men seek out a girl, knowing fully well they wont have anything long term with her, just date her for a predetermined amount of time. Im asking because that seems to happen to me a lot. Even with supposed "nice guys" (as is my current boyfriend). He confessed to me a while back that when he first asked me out he thought it would just be a fling, nothing serious. That same night he asked me out another one of our friends asked me out, with him i knew right away cuz he is bassically a player, but my boyfriend? I was baffled. (Ive known them both for years) I even asked him what in the world would make him think I would be the type of girl who would be ok with a casual relationship, a fling. He just said that I seemed carefree and fun. (Bs, by all standards Im quiet and reserved) Ive been thinking about my past relationships and all of them have been that way. The guys ask me out and then I realize they just wanted an "in the meantime" thing, either to get over someone, while they finished their degrees and moved back home in a couple of months, etc. What could I possibly be doing that gives men the wrong idea?? Well nice is a subjective term. In my experience whenever a woman starts liking a man, she'll think he's nice. I know because I'm a jerk, and I find it strange when women say I'm nice. The answer to your question is two fold. It depends on the integrity and values of the man and how the girl puts herself out. Men differ from women in one important aspect. Women even if they are up for something casual don't spend a huge amount of time and money chasing a man and therefore giving the impression they actually like a man. A man doesn't have to like a woman to chase after her, because of sex. Men will quite early on (first couple of dates) qualify a woman as just a sex partner or relationship material and then will rarely move the woman out of that qualification. So... 1) A real decent guy will find out he's not that into the personality of a girl and then back off. A normal guy might go ahead anyway. A player will use deception to make it like he's really interested in the girl when he's not. 2) As Rob correctly put, what a woman wears is a big factor, but in addition what she does and says is. I went out clubbing with a female friend one night, she went crazy and was grinding against me hardcore that night, drove me nuts. We had sex, but after that I knew I didn't want to date her. I know this sounds very 1950's, but generally when a woman is more lady like but interesting and fun to be with, she'll get fewer men after her for sex than if she acted horny all the time.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I see it as pretty simple. A guy asks himself: Can I see myself with this girl out in public showing her off as a girlfriend, and bringing her into my family? What determines yes or no? Looks, personality, how she carries herself, her age and place in life, whether she presents an emotional challenge, what his friends think, how public of a knowledge it is of how many times she's been around the block, what his parents/family might think, how she makes him feel about himself, if she has kids (some men target these women especially for FWB, because they have some impression that a single woman with kids is desperate enough to accept that treatment), etc.
boogieboy Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Ive run into women who are just too friendly with many guys. Very flirty, touchy feely, but they arent especially promiscuous, but they flirt alot. These women seem to flirt for fun. Do you do this? Do you dress expecially sexy? That could be whats doig it. A guy doesnt want a woman for a relationship (not right off the bat anyway) that he sees to be all over too many people.
loveslife Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 It would probably be a good idea to work on your sense of self and your self-esteem. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Take some time off from dating and build a life for yourself that you can feel good about.
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