KristinaAnthony Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I need serious answers, and your honest opinion about what you think really happened here, because people do sugar coat things. So I've been seeing a guy for about 3 months now. We've been friends for about 2 years. Well, it wasn't until recently, like I said about 3 months ago, that we actually started talking. We've always thought on the same wave length, and we like the same music, the same activities. He loves poker and video games, which I'm good at both of, so he's cool inviting me to come hang out around the guys. I spent three or four nights out of every week over at his house, and we always had a blast going out together to the bar and everything. I was always really social, and so was he, so we were always the center of attention, but neither of us ever got jealous when we saw a member of the opposite sex come up and make a move. So, it was basically a free range sort of thing. And it was going really well. He introduced me to his closest friends, and they loved me, and started calling me to go to the bar and come hang out, which he didn't really seem to mind. The other night, he asked me to come back to his house and stay with him. (he was slightly tipsy) I told him I couldn't because I had alot to do the next day and needed to go to bed early. He kept insisting but I didn't. Instead I promised that I would come over the next day, and he agreed, but when I came by, he seemed all distant. I tried to give him a kiss goodnight, which we always did, and he accepted but it seemed forced. I asked him about it the next day and he said that he was worried that I was getting too attached. I told him I wasn't, (I was maybe getting attached to the idea of the relationship, but not to him in general). He said he wasn't looking for a relationship and I said that that was fine, because I wasn't rushing into or expecting one. I never pushed that idea, and have never been clingy or controlling. I did ask if this was just a temporary hook up or if there was a chance of anything ever happening in the future, and he said no. I really have no idea what this means, because I haven't changed a bit, other than being over at his room mates house a little bit more because we like to hang out, and when I'm over there, I don't give him anymore or less attention than I normally would. So what does this mean? Why is it that now he chooses to end things when they were going so perfectly not even 3 days ago. Is it too late to fix this? How can I, if it's not? What do you recommend me do to make sure that he definitely notices me next time I see him, so that he will be stop and think about if he's sure he really wants to let me go like that? I could use a date coach, so if you're a good match maker, send me an email. I'd love some tips and pointers. Thanks!
xpaperxcutx Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 If the only relationship the two of you have is a sexual one, than expecting anything that revolves an emotional interaction is out of the question. There's nothing to fix. He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, just fun and sex. Harsh as it may seem, it's for the best if you stop contacting him for a while.
boogieboy Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Yeah once he determined that he didnt need a relationship with you to get what he wanted, he was set. So he isnt feelin you enough to make it serious. He sees you as a booty call and thats it. Thers nothing you can do to make him take you more seriously. Thats why you have to establish these things after a while so you know where you stand. You could try to make him jealous by hangin all over guys in the bar that you two go to, and not paying any attention to him. But, heres how that scenario will mostl likely go: Him: "saw u in the bar the other night hanging all over guys..." you: "hey well im lookin for a relationship, Im not lookin to just hang anymore" Him "Ok, never mind....(click)"
sally4sara Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 He asked something of you (to stay the night that particular night) and you didn't oblige him. He took it as a slight and is now pulling away. He is putting up a smoke screen by saying YOU were getting too attached because he worries that HE was getting too attached and is hoping you won't notice it. He has assumed that because you couldn't or didn't do what he asked, that you don't want him for anything serious. It is like getting in a tiff with one of your employees for not following your instructions and then telling them you're tired of how bossy they are. He is either trying to turn tables on you or he has completely given up to preemptively reject you because he thinks you're going to reject him even further than that one night. Too many games and insecurities going on within him IMO.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 He asked something of you (to stay the night that particular night) and you didn't oblige him. He took it as a slight and is now pulling away. He is putting up a smoke screen by saying YOU were getting too attached because he worries that HE was getting too attached and is hoping you won't notice it. He has assumed that because you couldn't or didn't do what he asked, that you don't want him for anything serious. It is like getting in a tiff with one of your employees for not following your instructions and then telling them you're tired of how bossy they are. He is either trying to turn tables on you or he has completely given up to preemptively reject you because he thinks you're going to reject him even further than that one night. Too many games and insecurities going on within him IMO. THAT is exactly what I was thinking. Other responses didn't make much sense.
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