Wings Of Love Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 It's only been two weeks since I decided to go ahead with it. But already the dreams about him have returned in full force, I think about him all day, every day and I miss him more than I ever did before. I didn't have this when we were still talking. =/ He only found out a few nights ago, told a mutual friend that he doesn't understand why I did it. I asked the friend to pass on a message saying that as he has a girlfriend he's supposedly in love with, I need to move on, but it doesn't mean I don't care. His response was that he'd be there for me whenever I needed him to be. None of this feels right. I was so much happier when we were still friends than I am now, even though I constantly heard about his love for this girl. Does it get harder before it gets easier? =/ Should I just do what feels right and contact him again? I need some advice, advice I'm not getting from friends or family, who are all set against him for the simple fact that he left me, despite the fact that they all loved him when we were together. Help?
Darren09 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 hiya, its very hard isnt it gettin same feeling as you are. Everyday it seems to be harder and i have this overwhelming urge to contact her, even tho i know that she is with another guy. Dreams arghh!! i wake up thinking am in same bed as her some nights its so hard. Please dont stay friends with him because he chose another girl over you! you need to respect yourself because that is not somebody who loves you. keep strong and if you need to talk then you are more than welcome to anytime. gud luck
Danielle46 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 You have to do what you feel is right. If you had contact with him and that was working for you, then there's no harm in being friends as long as you are fully able to accept it as just that. If it pains you to be friends because you're constantly hearing of his new fling and you can't bear the thought of him with someone else, then maybe you haven't healed enough to be "friends" with him just yet. Just make sure that he isn't stringing you along with the intentions of possibly getting back with you IF this new relationship that he's in fails. You definitely do NOT want to be the safety net/doormat. He needs to see your strength. Overall, you need to make this decision. Whichever way is less painful for you is the path to take. If you were happier being friends and could deal with hearing of his new GF, then so be it... ...Just don't allow this to consume you and prevent you from moving on as well.
Author Wings Of Love Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Well that's my problem really...being friends ISN'T enough for me. But as much as it pained me to see him happy with another woman, I still loved every second of our conversations. But my mother and my two closest friends are convinced he only insisted we stay friends so I could be his safety net. This is why I'm so confused...no contact is a good idea and my best option. It just doesn't feel right somehow.
Beeotch Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Do you TRULY feel better when you were friends than when apart? Or is the not talking to him deluding your memory? It does get harder before it gets easier I believe.... I know for a fact that I CANNOT be friends with my ex. Every little thing he does and says is magnified by 10000 and upsets me. It is not beneficial to me or him. And I broke NC recently, today even, but it just upset me MORE. I think that is how it works for most of us....you do NC because it is painful then when you do you miss them, wonder if they will forget you, think you will be better off having them in your life in any form than not at all....then you try again and then remember EXACTLY why you did it. Then you keep doing this until one day you learn and completely stop. Soooo....you can break NC and see how it works. No one is you so in the end you have to see and experience for yourself. If NC hurts you more...who am I to say it's not true? So break it and see how you feel after
Surfer Girl Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 We do not want to be forgotten and need that little fix that we are so open to with contact..... Understand, how long with contact will you need to have contact again... and where is it getting you in the relationship.... I think one has to go NC in order to really understand what the relationship is without outside forces...
Devil Inside Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Oh Wings..you know what you have to do. You have to go full NC. No sending messages through others. No telling him you still care...blah...blah...blah. This all keeps your connection to him alive. He is with someone else. You will never be able to do the same until you heal from losing him. When can you be friends again...I say it's when you reach the point where you no longer have those strong emotions when seeing him with someone else, or when he contacts you...you no longer get all excited. This can take awhile...like years. For yourself...go full NC.
Author Wings Of Love Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 Well I've made my decision and I'm not going to talk to him again...at least not until I can accept that what we had is gone. And that might take a while. Yesterday though, despite the fact that he knows I don't want any contact with him, he added me (yet again) on facebook. He's done this countless times since he left me, probably just to keep an eye on me. I didn't accept of course, but since then he has been posting on his profile things like "I don't want to lose you" and "I miss you". We have a few mutual friends who told me this. It could be aimed at his girlfriend, I know that, but it seems like an odd thing to say if their relationship is as perfect as he says. =/
adamt Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 Best to make no contact at all no matter how hard it is. I've been split for nearly 3 months now with no contact. then on saturday i saw her from a distance. I tried to make out i never saw her. she may have saw me i dont know. Anyway, even that sort of contact has got my imagination and thoughts going again. it is so important to not make any contact. i stil need NC after 3 months. It a hard and long road to stay on with a few bends on the cliff edge thrown in.
JL911 Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG...BUT READ IF YOU WANT SOME HELP.... You must try to realize that if the person is not trying to contact you then it is pretty obvious what they want at this stage...You cannot force someone to do what you want... I have tried to accept the fact that my relationship is over...Accepted that all the dreams we had are now crushed...Accept the void in my life and try to replace it with friends, family, and activity....Its only been a month and still hurts me so much... BUT, it is a lot better than it was in the beginning. I thought about being friends, but I simply cannot do that to myself. All being friends is, is clinging to some grain of hope that if you stick around they might have a change of heart. You cannot let someone have their cake and eat it too. If they want the break, give them the break...If they want to talk later down the road then cross that bridge when you come to it and try to put it in the back of your mind...You cannot recover on the hope that someday this person might return, and fact of the matter is they probaly will return when you have finally disconnected yourself from them... I have my moments...I lose my sleep...I have my days of worthlessness and depression...I have my moments when I just want to hear her voice and tell her how much I still love her...But I wont...I wont let her know any longer how much she has hurt me...She doesn't deserve to know...She deserves to wonder how I am, and who I am with, and if I have moved on...Let her imagination run wild on them the very same way yours is. Every person who enters your life is there to make an impact on you as a person. Maybe this person wasnt right for you (i know that is hard to swallow at this point)...But maybe the good points of the relationship and the severe let down and disappointment at the very end were necessary for you to find how strong of a person you are and how even in great disappointment you can pick yourself back up and try again.... Motivate yourself....Convince yourself that this person left a great wonderful person who wanted to do everything in their power for them, and will NEVER find ANYONE like you...You need to know that you are a very very good person capable of loving and being loved. In the end it will not be your loss, while it is so so hard to push through the pain, it is NECESSARY that you do so... Many people talk about people coming back and reconsiling and what not. I really dont know how much that happens for the right reasons. As CaliGuy states maybe 5% of the time...The other times are for reasons unknown or for a quick fix. Maybe they are lonley, sad, hurt by another, miss you, havent found anyone like you...You really do not know....All I can say is I believe that when an ex lover returns to your life it is usually when you disconnect from them and have moved on yourself... If you are a man, be a man...Be strong, determined, powerful, and independant... If you are a woman, be so...Be mysterious, sexy, confident, and independant... No one person in this world is the root of your happiness, and you need to realize that right away...However, with time we allow people to become such a huge part of our happiness that it is this terrible when they decide to move on or search for greener pastures... I think many people end up regretting or second guessing decisions to break up when they find that things out there are not that great, mature, and finally accept that there is no such thing as a PERFECT person...And they left the closest thing to perfect that they would find...Even if they do realize what a mistake they have made, how they react and act on it can be different person to person... No contact allows you to escape their death grip on your day to day life....After all they have HURT YOU...As I have mentioned in my previous posts...No single person should be able to upset your day to day life with a text message, email, or stupid phone call. You need to be in control of yourself....Some can accomplish these things in a faster manner than others... If they are texting, calling, or emailing with little feelers, or "breadcrumbs" that you do not feel comfortable responding to, do not or atleast THINK for a period of 12-24 hours prior to making your response...Actions always speak louder than words...This person knows how to contact you, your friends, family, they know where you live, work, and play...If they wanted to find you and pull you back to them...they would.... When you rise from this abyss you will now be a stronger, more powerful, better, improved you...Capable of even more than you ever thought before...Keep your chin up..Push through this by whatever means necessary...Exercise, read, get better jobs, go to a counsler...By all means necessary take care of yourself... Being on loveshack and trying to help others through what I am experiencing has been some of my best therapy....Love is a great thing...When its good its great...when its bad...It feels like the end...but it is not...
Author Wings Of Love Posted August 25, 2009 Author Posted August 25, 2009 I just wanted to update you all. It's all over now. He added me yet again on facebook a few days back, despite me making it clear that I want to move on and have nothing to do with him. I didn't do anything with the request until today. I happened to come across it again whilst sorting out other requests and I noticed he had changed his profile picture. Again. He seems to change it every week. Yet again he was snuggled up with his beloved girlfriend and had put in big letters at the bottom of the picture "Love you! <3 xxx". They've not even been together four months and it made me feel sick with anger that she is lavished with constant shows of affection similar to this, whereas I rarely got any despite being together over a year. So I snapped. Before this he had only been blocked on instant messenger and removed from facebook. But today I rejected his friend request, blocked him so he cannot get any information on me, removed all of his friends that had added me when we were together, removed and blocked him on every social networking site I've signed up for, deleted his email address from my instant messenger and put away everything he ever gave me so I cannot see it. The only way he can contact me now is if he emails me, phones me or turns up on my doorstep. And knowing him, he will do none of these. I must ask though, I'm not being petty in doing all these things, am I? It has been seven months since he left and he insists he's in love with this girl, so I really need to move on. There is one problem, however. His younger sister and I have always been close, she even refers to me as her older sister. I don't want to lose contact with her because she means a lot to me, but she is a direct link to him and whenever we talk I am reminded of the times I spent with her, my ex boyfriend and their other brother. And it always hits me hard because the whole family accepted me as one of them, even talked about when he and I would get married, despite us being quite young. Is there anything I can do? =/
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