deux ex machina Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Perhaps this is me feeling a wee bit cynical at the moment. Also, for all I know everyone has said this kind of thing for generations, and just because I am seeing it here and now I feel this is new. Maybe it's not new, I don't know - this could be human nature as it has always been - just made all the more apparent and easier to see in the raw, due to technology. I've noticed a mentality out there in the dating/friendship/relationship world...lists, standards, evaluating, vetting people. Don't get me wrong, I think this is good in many ways, people are clear about what they'd like. However...I've noticed that while people seem to be pretty clear about what they want, not "settling for less than they deserve"...they don't seem to really be clear about what it is they have to offer - what they can bring to the table. Like I said, maybe I am just having a cynical moment. But it really does comes off as a sense of entitlement. As in, "I deserve this, because I'm me". Oh, really? That the only reason? How in the world does someone think it is possible to find someone who ticks all of their boxes when they aren't exactly measuring up to what it is they purport to want themselves?
Thaddeus Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 But it really does comes off as a sense of entitlement. As in, "I deserve this, because I'm me". Oh, really? That the only reason? Extremely common. We see it here all the time: "You deserve the best" and "You deserve better than him/her" and "Don't settle" and permutations of the same. It's a manifestation of the "it's all about ME!!" attitude that's so very prevalent. There's even a recent thread somewhere on this site that a woman is dissing a guy because he wears a certain kind of shoes or sandals or something. Like, who the fark cares what kind of footwear the fellow shuffles around in? I don't have any answers for you, perhaps there are none. I just know that it gets a bit tiresome reading all this self-entitled dreck.
sally4sara Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 It is because most people look at the subject of dating, prior to making a choice, as an all you can eat buffet. All they need to bring to the table is their $9.99 to get a plate and a place in line. You're having one of those "yeah but that's part of the problem" moments. Most people don't pause to take personal stock till they have to justify it to the person they want to choose.
Woggle Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I'm all for having standards but people should make sure that they themselves can live up to the standards they set for others.
sb129 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I'm all for having standards but people should make sure that they themselves can live up to the standards they set for others. Definitely.
Author deux ex machina Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 It is because most people look at the subject of dating, prior to making a choice, as an all you can eat buffet. All they need to bring to the table is their $9.99 to get a plate and a place in line. You're having one of those "yeah but that's part of the problem" moments. Nail-Head-Hit Most people don't pause to take personal stock till they have to justify it to the person they want to choose. That makes a lot of sense...that's an angle I never really considered, thanks.
Author deux ex machina Posted August 24, 2009 Author Posted August 24, 2009 ... I don't have any answers for you, perhaps there are none. I just know that it gets a bit tiresome reading all this self-entitled dreck. Lol! Perhaps we are having the same "moment". Meh. It'll be alright... * I'm all for having standards but people should make sure that they themselves can live up to the standards they set for others. Exactly. * Definitely. I like the way Woggle put it.
westernxer Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 People who know me say I deserve to have a great girl in my life. I blow them off, because I know I don't deserve anything I haven't already got, and I'm grateful for what I've already got, because it could be so much worse. When I hear other people say they deserve this special someone, I roll my eyes, because I know there's a screw loose somewhere in their heads, and chances are they'll never be able to tighten it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 People can ask for the moon, if they so choose. If they want the moon, then they have to be patient about it and be prepared to possibly never get it. I honestly don't have a problem with people like this since I'm also someone who never settled and didn't have to settle. Where I have issues, is when people run around whining about the state of the opposite gender, just because they can't find their unrealistic ideal. Suck it up and be patient, or shut up and settle.
kizik Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 One of the most interesting job interview techniques I've ever heard involves the interviewee asking the employer: so why should I work for you? I mention this because the OP has a good point. Like the employer, the arrogant or overly picker dater assumes they're a magical prize that should be fought for. However, the question lingers: "what's so great about you, anyway?" (I do realize the employer pays money.)
New Again Posted August 24, 2009 Posted August 24, 2009 One of the most interesting job interview techniques I've ever heard involves the interviewee asking the employer: so why should I work for you? I mention this because the OP has a good point. Like the employer, the arrogant or overly picker dater assumes they're a magical prize that should be fought for. However, the question lingers: "what's so great about you, anyway?" (I do realize the employer pays money.) Yeah, for something you do for them! They pay you a fraction of what you earn for them in many cases/types of jobs. I agree that many companies/interviewers do not understand that they are also being interviewed and need to make a good impression....in line with what the OP stated.
Author deux ex machina Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 People who know me say I deserve to have a great girl in my life. I blow them off, because I know I don't deserve anything I haven't already got, and I'm grateful for what I've already got, because it could be so much worse. When I hear other people say they deserve this special someone, I roll my eyes, because I know there's a screw loose somewhere in their heads, and chances are they'll never be able to tighten it. I admire your attitude. I'm sure that's why people say you deserve a great girl in your life, they know you are awesome. That's a great compliment. * People can ask for the moon, if they so choose. If they want the moon, then they have to be patient about it and be prepared to possibly never get it. I honestly don't have a problem with people like this since I'm also someone who never settled and didn't have to settle. Where I have issues, is when people run around whining about the state of the opposite gender, just because they can't find their unrealistic ideal. Suck it up and be patient, or shut up and settle. People can definitely ask for whatever they want. I like how you said "suck it up and be patient, or shut up and settle". The only thing that people can really change is themselves, and that to a degree. I don't think it's realistic for someone to expect the world to conform to their standards, just because they want it to, and then get pouty if it doesn't, Lol.
Author deux ex machina Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 One of the most interesting job interview techniques I've ever heard involves the interviewee asking the employer: so why should I work for you? Would you recommend that in this economy? I mention this because the OP has a good point. Like the employer, the arrogant or overly picker dater assumes they're a magical prize that should be fought for. However, the question lingers: "what's so great about you, anyway?" (I do realize the employer pays money.) True. I've seen some pretty arrogant attitudes sometimes, and the only thing I can ask is...why? Heh. There's no need for it. * Yeah, for something you do for them! They pay you a fraction of what you earn for them in many cases/types of jobs. I agree that many companies/interviewers do not understand that they are also being interviewed and need to make a good impression....in line with what the OP stated. In this economy? Lol. The old law of supply and demand... It's a two-way street. I guess I'm thinking a little humanity would be nice. It's not always about what someone else can do for us. A good rule of thumb is: try to leave them (even if they don't live up to your standards), better off for having known you.
freestyle Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 It amazes me how people will complain about whether or not a relationship ship will meet their needs or not- they seem to forget that love is just as much about giving....................as it is about getting.
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Like, who the fark cares what kind of footwear the fellow shuffles around in? Foot fetishists, of course.
Lyssa Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 There's even a recent thread somewhere on this site that a woman is dissing a guy because he wears a certain kind of shoes or sandals or something. Like, who the fark cares what kind of footwear the fellow shuffles around in? I wonder how it would make her feel if her date didn't like the heels she's wearing?
Recommended Posts