livingnightmare Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Ok me and the ex split up 15 days ago she moved out 2 days ago she told me that she doesnt love me anymore and could never get the feeling back and wouldnt try anything to work on the relationship as were to far gone even though we hav a 3 1/2 yr old daughter after a 6 yr relationship! to my astonishment yesterday morning i got a msg in my inbox saying she dont want to hurt me and she woke up and realised what is she doing! that i am the one and always will be and does love me but she has built up hate towards me because of the very viscious spiral of arguements we hav had she says she wants to have a long break as a single person but promised that she wont be seeing anyone else but doesnt want to discuss anything but our daughter at the moment no dates no dinners no interaction at all really she also said she wants us 2 both be heading in the right direction and be able 2 stand on our own 2 feet and be strong happy people only when she sees this she will get bak with me the msg ends on her dreams belong with me and just wants our family to be happy and wants us to move away one day ending in from your one true love! After thinking for 2 weeks ive lost the family unit i love so much I have been in deep despair shock the worst feelings ive ever had cnt describe them, Im feeling like this is another faulse hope probably because the trauma ive been through has been very intense and painfull and hav had to handle it alone with no support at all Im scared that mayb she doesnt want to hurt me and thinks it will be easier by breaking contact and hoping ill fall out of love or not like her anymore or somthing but at the same time im thinking she sounds serious she also said she would go counciling and do what ever it takes to work but then im thinking mayb she does want to see other people but wants to keep it secret then come bak im so confused could someone plz help me put things into perspective as im cracking up and can see issues developing even if there not there! shouldnt counciling start now or should i give her what she wants Id be very gratefull for advice as this maybe the only shot to keep my family together realy want us all to be happy and will do wat it takes just need some solid advice on what steps to take next!
vivrantflo Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Ok me and the ex split up 15 days ago she moved out 2 days ago she told me that she doesnt love me anymore and could never get the feeling back and wouldnt try anything to work on the relationship as were to far gone I am sorry to say, but it does sound like she's done with you. You guys broke up 15 days ago, so she had 13 days living with you, to retract her wishes. Instead, she tells you to your face that she doesn't love you anymore, the relationship is too far gone, and she packs her things and bounces. Actions speak louder than words. to my astonishment yesterday morning i got a msg in my inbox saying she dont want to hurt me and she woke up and realised what is she doing! that i am the one and always will be and does love me but she has built up hate towards me because of the very viscious spiral of arguements Ok, you guys have spent six years together and share a daughter, why is she emailing/facebooking/texting you this? Why can't she come over, look you in your eyes and say this? The same way she looked in your eyes and told you she didn't love you anymore, and sees no reason to work on things. Oh, I know why... cause of this huge red flag! she says she wants to have a long break as a single person but promised that she wont be seeing anyone else but doesnt want to discuss anything but our daughter at the moment no dates no dinners no interaction at all really I do hope you know that she's talking a whoooole lot of crap. She wants to have a "long break" as a single person. Why? Why does she need to be single?? I will go right out on a limb and say there is another dude of interest already involved. According to you, you guys have argued.. is that really a reason to pack her things, move away from her daughter's father, request a "long break" and have no interaction with you at all? With a comedic promise that she won't be seeing anyone?? Im scared that mayb she doesnt want to hurt me and thinks it will be easier by breaking contact and hoping ill fall out of love or not like her anymore or somthing but at the same time im thinking she sounds serious she also said she would go counciling and do what ever it takes to work This is exactly it my friend. I can't imagine it being easy to end a 6 year relationship, especially parenting a 3 year old. Like I said man, she's done. I would have lost it on her. She told you that she would go to counselling and do whatever it takes to work things out??? Moving out and requesting no contact unless it's about your daughter sounds like a damn divorce! I feel your pain, and this situation is hard. If you didn't have your daughter, I would have advised you to forget about her. But you want your family back, and rightfully so. She has her mind set on living the single life and dating other people, so you have to prepare for that. I am very inexperienced when it comes to children, and how to handle that area, but from what you posted, I can definately tell you where her head it at in terms of her commitment to you.
001bh Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 You mentioned that you argued a lot? What exactly was so bad that she would consider doing this to you if you don't mind me asking?
Author livingnightmare Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 this is a copy of the msg she sent me she also told me the same thing to my face! ------------------------------------- i dont mean to hurt u and make u weak wen all i want is for u to be strong in every sense of the word as that was my attraction to u and thats gone because of me i do want our connection bak but wid out this feelin of hate i hav towards u. i no we need to grow and sort out our own heads seperatly... it hit me today and i thought wat am i doing u r and all ways will b d only one for me, really all we both want is to be happy and content wid each other in our family i hope u read this and c that i do love u deep inside i just need a long break from u and u from me. i want u to know u have not lost ur family none of us hav i am willing to do counciling and try my hardest to make us work but once we r both motivated, positive and pro-active people and r gentle to each other. My heart is open to u and i cant close it even if i tried. once we've done all we need to do i want us to move away from birmingham even england one day but my dreams lay along side u and always will, time to breath is time to grow with all my love to my one true love ---- we use to argue over little things then abusive language was used and it got worse and worse we got into rent arears had to move to my parents which created alot of stress for her and now we are here! her mother says she just needs to sort her own place out and we will b bak together that she just needs to de stress and her own space and that i dont hav to worry about anyone else the ex her self says shes not looking 4 any type of relationship at all in any way with anyone! Torn beetween ending it or believing in her!
TaraMaiden Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 You tell her that either she comes home and works it out with you and you go to counselling together, and work together - as a couple, a team - or she can forget it. You have to push here. She's being wishy-washy and trying to get things all her own way, but as part of a couple, you cannot isolate yourself and work on the relationship on your own. it takes two to tango. if she feels she really wants to make a life with you - then she has to prove it, and come back.
Nowhere Man Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 I think the best advice I could gve you is to stop posting and pick-up the phone and call a marriage coach or counsellor. Even without her they can help alot.
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