Best Friend and I are in love, but she dumped me like a sack of s*it!

[morphius]

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Ok, So it's like this... I have known my best friend for over three years, for the last year or so she has been in a lesbian relationship, living with her partner.

We have always been really close but it was only two weeks ago that I realised that I was actually "in love" with her. I plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt, but before I got the chance to say how I felt she said that she felt exactly the same. And had done for nearly a year.

 

After much discussion we decided that she would split with her partner (as this was going to happen anyway) And we would take things really slow, She said that it would take her a few weeks to let her partner down gently etc…. She then phones me six hours later to tell me that she has split up with her partner, and left her...

Apparently the realisation that she was in love with me was too much.

 

To get to the point, we were casually seeing each other for about two weeks, during this time she told me how perfect everything was between us and how much she loved me etc…

Then out of the blue about a week ago she told me that is hasn't been working out and it never will... She now says that she doesn’t know if she is in love with me, she just wants us to go back to how it was and she wants to be single.

 

She told me last night that taking that extra step felt like she had lost her best friend, No matter what I say it makes no difference to her mind set. She said that maybe she doesn't love me enough, or (get this!) loves me too much!! She keeps contradicting herself, Saying that she can’t let herself have sex with me because it is too emotional, does that not mean that she IS in love with me then?

I told her that two weeks is not a sensible period to judge a relationship on and that I want us to try and make a go of things, she says that she is confused and can only offer me her friendship back for the moment, until she decides exactly how she feels.

 

I can’t see how She can be in love with me for a year but then decide after two weeks that she isn’t. We have still been seeing each other regularly just as friends, but I can definitely feel something more and believe that she does to.

I feel that I want all or nothing, I don’t know if we can go back to being just friends again...

I am finding it really difficult seeing her all the time, we are both DJ’s at the same venue and work the same four nights of the week.

 

I feel resentful towards her, because out of all my friends she was/is the closest to me, It is devastating that she could hurt me like this and expect everything to be fine.

 

Any advice or opinions, questions etc… would be appreciated.

[quankanne]

if she's been your friend for a long time, the transition from friend to lover/partner is an awkward one because the whole time she's probably worried about how your friendship will suffer if it doesn't work out. Or how it will suffer if it DOES work out.

 

Many people care about their close friends, but to move from one realm of a relationship (friendship) to another (as a dating couple) is full of too many unknown factors. It's almost as if you feel you have to sacrifice your friendship to become that person's significant other.

 

my guess is that it's not as easy for her to slip into the role of your love interest after being your friend for so long, because while she may care for you deeply, it's different from being romantically interested in someone from the beginning of that relationship.

 

if you care about her, give her time to make the transition from friend to significant other, and respect her decision if after a lot of soul-searching, she decides that you guys are better off as friends. Remember, good friends are hard to come by.