moo Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I did not break NC. I stayed strong. It's been 3 weeks, but some days I get so upset. Tonight I had a massive crying fit. My roommate hugged me and sang to me. He cried because I was so upset. I feel shattered and I'm in so much pain. I stayed strong though. It just hurts so much.
caramel c Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Listen, you are having a weak moment. Don't ruin all of the hardship you've already been through! Stick to NC, YOU HAVE TO. Or, the way you are feeling now will last LONGER. How about take how you feel now and imagine it X10! NO!
Author moo Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 I know. I really know that I will hurt worse. It's, just so hard. I'm so angry at him because he just tossed me aside when I needed him. He sucked all the kindness and caring out of me and when I was dry, he simply went to another woman.
caramel c Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 It's his loss. You will get over this and move on and take all that you have that is good into your future endeavors. And in the meantime, he will still be the idiot that let you go.
jenfrizt Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 just be strong it will go away.. time heals.. so let your depression out.. and recover .. its never too late
adamt Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Hey, i know the feeling. 90% i am ok getting on with my life and doing things. then the remaining 10% something kicks in like a song or doing something that brings back memories and you feel sad and wish it all could be sorted out. You think of moments of regret where you think that if you had said or done differently then would your ex still be with you. But the reality is if they loved you they would have stayed and worked things out. Sometimes you feel it is one big test and the ex is suddenly goign to get intouch and say you have passed the test. Its about 12 weeks for me, still dont understand how she can go from wanting to buy a house together to no contact and moving on. But that are questions i will never get the answers too.
utterer of lies Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I know. I really know that I will hurt worse. It's, just so hard. I'm so angry at him because he just tossed me aside when I needed him. He sucked all the kindness and caring out of me and when I was dry, he simply went to another woman. You will not heal as long as you choose to give him this power over you.
jayboy Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Hey, i know the feeling. 90% i am ok getting on with my life and doing things. then the remaining 10% something kicks in like a song or doing something that brings back memories and you feel sad and wish it all could be sorted out. You think of moments of regret where you think that if you had said or done differently then would your ex still be with you. But the reality is if they loved you they would have stayed and worked things out. Sometimes you feel it is one big test and the ex is suddenly goign to get intouch and say you have passed the test. Its about 12 weeks for me, still dont understand how she can go from wanting to buy a house together to no contact and moving on. But that are questions i will never get the answers too. I can relate to this, me and my ex broke up after 8 years together, we had just bought our own place, and she spent months making sure everything was perfect in our new home. Now we have split and she says she doesn't even want to try to put right the issues we had, even though to me and everyone close to us they are issues that happen to every couple and can be worked out. Even now four months after, I still hope that she has split up with me to teach me a valuable lesson that I should put more effort into our relationship or this is what will happen. Its stupid I know but I think its because I still can't believe whats happened.
wontgohomewou Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Get a grip dude. Of course you're going to want to break NC right now, it's only been 3 weeks. Damn! Give it another month and come back and tell us how you haven't really thought about him lately. Go out and meet some new people and come tell us how you met a really cute guy. NO MORE COMPLAINING! GO OUT AND HAVE FUN AND MEET AN AWESOME DUDE!
Author moo Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Get a grip dude. Of course you're going to want to break NC right now, it's only been 3 weeks. Damn! Give it another month and come back and tell us how you haven't really thought about him lately. Go out and meet some new people and come tell us how you met a really cute guy. NO MORE COMPLAINING! GO OUT AND HAVE FUN AND MEET AN AWESOME DUDE! Actually I did go on the dating service site a few nights ago, but I got off the next morning. I wanted to heal some more on my own first. If I meet someone by chance...then I will have to think about it. But for now, I just don't want to go looking for anyone. Every time I break NC I feel like crap. So I'm gonna really try to listen to my head, not my heart. I know he is total scum and if I had made better decisions before for my own well being, I wouldn't be in this situation. This humanoid emotionally kicked my butt. But I know that in the end, he is the one who really lost out.
JLT123 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 It was my son's birthday this weekend and I was putting his 7 candles on the cake. I broke down doing it because she was always there for his birthday.. been a very rough weekend for me and it sucks. I want to call her so bad, but I know I can't for other reasons other than breaking NC is just not the right thing to do.
Author moo Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Sorry you are in pain. I made it through the night. It's been 4 months since he cruelly left me. I know I'd be along much farther if I had stopped speaking to him. Breaking NC is like an alcoholic taking a drink. You feel better for a while. Then devastated because your situation is still the same and then ontop of that, you have to start your recovery all over again. I don't drink or do drugs. Sometimes when I feel bad, I would like to drink. But I am afraid if I drink when things go bad, I will always drink when things go bad. I've been drunk twice in my life and the hangovers were so awful. But what he did to me really made me want to drink. I didn't drink because I know it would be bad for me. So I shouldn't break NC because I know it would be bad for me.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 You've worked so hard at making yourself better. Dont go backwards now. why open yourself up to all the pain again?
northstar1 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Moo You will get through it, trust me. It ain't easy or quick, but you will. Last summer, I was in the same place - agonized, depressed, figured I'd lost the 'one' -didn't understand how she could just move on etc. I broke NC a few times, and quickly crashed down again when it did nothing but set me back. Since going NC for good 8 months ago, I can say that it definitely helped to speed up the healing process. There were times last summer/fall that I honestly felt like I'd never get past it and that I'd be alone forever. But, I can assure you that you will get through it and heal and get stronger and emerge from the other side.
georgia girl Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Moo, They are just not worth it. Get out of that way of thinking right now. Listen, my ex did come back, we did try again and you know what, I got the opportunity to see that he's not perfect and while I was happy when our relationship was good, there wasn't enough there to make me happy when the relationship wasn't so good. We are just so stuck on this one person and this one thing that we used to have and we so firmly believe that our lives will be great again once we get them back and IT'S JUST NOT TRUE. Trust me, trust me, trust me... you don't want him. You think you want him. You think that will make you happy. But all of those little niggly feelings of "he let me down," and "he's selfish" comes right back to the surface. The only thing is that now, you know they won't change and that you'll end up back in this same place but more disillusioned and angry than ever. Get up. Shake off the dust and the bad juju and get back to the land of the living. There are better partners out there. Go find one.
greenparrot Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Moo, youre a great person. I have read your posts, and can relate very much to the pain, anger. Your expression "one last drink" to not break NC, has helped me in 3 times when I have had my ex across the hall from me, or in a restaurant asking me to borrow a dollar. Breaking NC, whether its when they do it or you hurts like hell. I got off the wagon yesterday, she keeps giving me hopes! But all for what?? I know your mad, me too. Keep going, this pain makes us real, them on the other hand are a train wreck in process.
Beeotch Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Hey, i know the feeling. 90% i am ok getting on with my life and doing things. then the remaining 10% something kicks in like a song or doing something that brings back memories and you feel sad and wish it all could be sorted out. You think of moments of regret where you think that if you had said or done differently then would your ex still be with you. But the reality is if they loved you they would have stayed and worked things out. Sometimes you feel it is one big test and the ex is suddenly goign to get intouch and say you have passed the test. Its about 12 weeks for me, still dont understand how she can go from wanting to buy a house together to no contact and moving on. But that are questions i will never get the answers too. LOL...I know the feeling. Sometimes I feel like I am in this weird, limbo waiting period.....as if it is not completely finished (perhaps b/c of the nature of the break up)....and that I am waiting for things to resolve between us or the day when I magically am indifferent. EverYday I pray for that day. I HATE the ups and downs. I went through a great up period on Thursday and now I am feeling lonely, upset, angry, hurt all over again.
Danielle46 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I did not break NC. I stayed strong. It's been 3 weeks, but some days I get so upset. Tonight I had a massive crying fit. My roommate hugged me and sang to me. He cried because I was so upset. I feel shattered and I'm in so much pain. I stayed strong though. It just hurts so much. Look I can say that I know what it's like to have a night or whatever like this. You feel so weak and vulnerable that you would say or do anything if you felt that it would help you to somehow win him back. You think that if you just get the chance to speak with him for just a moment that your whole perspective at that moment will change. This lasts only momentarily...I have done this. I have caved into my super emotional times and called, or texted or whatever. I felt better AT THAT MOMENT because for the first time in a long time, I had a connection with him. But the next day, you feel like cr@p for doing so. You wonder if you've just screwed up everything you worked so hard for by going NC in the first place. Let your roommate help you conquer these emotions. Open a bottle of wine (or whatever your choice is), pop in a good comedy movie, and enjoy some laughs together. Or, if feasible, go out for a little. Surround yourself with people who don't know about your issue...make some new friends. Dont be afraid if someone approaches you, take this as an opportunity to extend your friends list. If he thinks that contact is something he needs because he feels he's made some mistake and wants you back, then he is going to make that as obvious as possible. It will be clear as day if he is feeling like he did the ultimate wrong thing here. Keep strong and keep going NC...He asked for this...not you. But it will help you heal through time. This isn't going to be easy, it never is. But you have to continue on and not let yourself reverse over something like this. Cry out those emotions, draw yourself a bubble bath, and just relax. Release the tension....try to just focus on yourself and your well being. Yoga is very helpful (when taken seriously) in helping you to get in touch with your body, especially through respiration. Maybe give that a shot? I know I enjoy it! Best of Luck as Always. We're rooting for you :-)
DSM2709 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Moo, I feel your pain (read my posts), I hate weekends, because I am alone and I wish I could be with her every freakin moment. Last week, I saw her (twice), and for the moment it felt awesome, but I have not spoken to her since Wednesday. She is with someone else, and it kills me, knowing she can go from me to him in a matter of a flash. She lied about how long she's known this new guy, but whatever, I don't think it will last. I still wish we could get back together, and I could change whatever it was that caused the demise in our relationship, but she would need to change too, but I don't know if she could. She doesn't think she did anything wrong, but she's done alot wrong...lied, cheated, decieved, betrayed and lied some more to me. Alot of people ask me, "Why would you want to be with someone who did that to you?", and I guess it's because I don't want to be alone either, and she's beautiful, smart, sexy etc etc. She also knows how to play the game, and she took advantage of me because I was too wishy washy, nice guy, momma's boy etc etc. You get the point. I didn't stand up for myself when I should have. Anyway's the point is, I understand what your going through, and I hope I can get through this, and I hope you can to. Best of luck.
Author moo Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Aww, gosh, you people are wonderful. Many, many thanks for your support. Yes, I'm staying strong and not contacting him. My roomate is my breakup buddy. He really, really helps me. And as far as yoga goes, I have a dvd on yoga that I have not tried yet. But I will this weekend. Thanks a bunch. God bless.
Danielle46 Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 And as far as yoga goes, I have a dvd on yoga that I have not tried yet. But I will this weekend. Thanks a bunch. God bless. It's just a way of escaping for a few minutes. You concentrate on breathing and feeling good about yourself and your surroundings. It may seem odd or even an unusual suggestion, but you know what, you never know what might work for you. It can be very relaxing when taken seriously. I do yoga and it not only clears your mind but it's an exercise overall. You can improve both your inner and outer being. ..then maybe hop into the bubble bath or hot tub and enjoy a little wine and down time. This is all about you. Focus on you and your well being. We have faith in you.
Author moo Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks. I will let you know how it goes.
Author moo Posted August 23, 2009 Author Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks. Lately, every day I've been making a promise to myself and my roommate that I will not initiate contact. I make the promise for the day. I don't want to break the promise I make to myself or my roommate. I feel bad because my roommate has to live with me and every time I contact my ex, my roommate has to emotionally pick me up off of the floor. I just can't keep doing this to him or myself. To be honest, if my ex contacted me, I would speak to him. That's why I specifically promise my roommate and myself I will not initiate contact. If I say I won't contact my ex if he contacts me first, that would be a lie. I'm just not ready to make that promise. In a way I guess I'm lucky even though I don't feel like it. When my ex left me, he REALLY left and never initiated contact again. He blamed me for not having a car or the money to see him, when I was the one who put all the effort into the relationship such as gifts for him, cards, flowers, etc. I offered to take a long distance bus and see him if he paid me back, after all I wasn't working...that didn't suit him, even though I waited ONE YEAR for him to get his life together. It really, truly hurts when you give so much to someone, they don't give back to you, and then they get mad because you don't give more. But to be honest, these were just excuses for him. The real reason why he left me is because he gets upset that I get mad when he stands me up or tells me he might see me then doesn't call me to let me know what's going on. He told me I should be okay with him standing me up and he wanted someone who was more independent...who wouldn't wait for him when he says he is going to see them. Of course, it's all my fault. what a waste of oxygen he is. It's embarassing that I loved somone like that.
caramel c Posted August 23, 2009 Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks. Lately, every day I've been making a promise to myself and my roommate that I will not initiate contact. I make the promise for the day. I don't want to break the promise I make to myself or my roommate. I feel bad because my roommate has to live with me and every time I contact my ex, my roommate has to emotionally pick me up off of the floor. I just can't keep doing this to him or myself. To be honest, if my ex contacted me, I would speak to him. That's why I specifically promise my roommate and myself I will not initiate contact. If I say I won't contact my ex if he contacts me first, that would be a lie. I'm just not ready to make that promise. In a way I guess I'm lucky even though I don't feel like it. When my ex left me, he REALLY left and never initiated contact again. He blamed me for not having a car or the money to see him, when I was the one who put all the effort into the relationship such as gifts for him, cards, flowers, etc. I offered to take a long distance bus and see him if he paid me back, after all I wasn't working...that didn't suit him, even though I waited ONE YEAR for him to get his life together. It really, truly hurts when you give so much to someone, they don't give back to you, and then they get mad because you don't give more. But to be honest, these were just excuses for him. The real reason why he left me is because he gets upset that I get mad when he stands me up or tells me he might see me then doesn't call me to let me know what's going on. He told me I should be okay with him standing me up and he wanted someone who was more independent...who wouldn't wait for him when he says he is going to see them. Of course, it's all my fault. what a waste of oxygen he is. It's embarassing that I loved somone like that. Now you know that his behavior is unacceptable. From now on, no more losers for you. Or, I will come down there and slap you myself! lol j/k
Recommended Posts