spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I have worked for him for one year. My feelings have not disappeared. He has been single the whole time I have known him, and still I think he likes me. I am pretty certain that I'm getting a transfer in January, February, or March. I can tell that our superiors like me a lot and feel sorry for me. But I have to survive that long first! With each passing day, it gets harder and harder. I'm soooooo horny all the time from being around him all day, it's impossible to concentrate. :sick: Words of wisdom or encouragement or advice would be appreciated.
Land Shark Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Want to come work for me? I could use a bit of this.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Want to come work for me? I could use a bit of this. you probably couldn't keep me in lipsticks
Land Shark Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Oh I could. But they wouldn't stay on long. I have no advice. But you know life is better when you have a crush. When you have no crush, you are all but dead.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Oh I could. But they wouldn't stay on long. I have no advice. But you know life is better when you have a crush. When you have no crush, you are all but dead. I dunno. It's Friday and I'm at home alone. I think life can be better.
kizik Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 spookie, I am at home and alone this Friday, too. Not that it helps you.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 I've spent the whole evening just obsessing.
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Spookie, your threads tend to make me feel helpless to offer any suggestions. Are you still seeing a therapist? If I were in your shoes I would be so tired out from this crush that I would just pretend those signals from him weren't there. I'd pretend that he found me repulsive just so I could move on. You need to put yourself before this guy.
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I've spent the whole evening just obsessing. Yeah and whose fault is that? I get you think it's complicated and deep and painful but really, it's not. Having a crush on someone doesn't mean you have to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It certainly won't help you get over him and it won't help you deal with being around him.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Spookie, your threads tend to make me feel helpless to offer any suggestions. Are you still seeing a therapist? If I were in your shoes I would be so tired out from this crush that I would just pretend those signals from him weren't there. I'd pretend that he found me repulsive just so I could move on. You need to put yourself before this guy. No, I don't think I need to be seeing a therapist. I don't think this crush is all in my head. I know there's a majority on this website of the belief that if he liked me, he'd have made a move, but I strongtly believe he's just not that kind of guy... the kind who'd be that kind of supervisor. Obviously, he doens't want to date me. But I can't help hoping that would change if I'd just get a transfer. I love him. I don't think I can fool myself into getting over him that simply, when I work so closely with him for 9 hours a day.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Yeah and whose fault is that? I get you think it's complicated and deep and painful but really, it's not. Having a crush on someone doesn't mean you have to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It certainly won't help you get over him and it won't help you deal with being around him. I agree with everything you said her, but give me some credit, this is the first evening like this I've had in months. Normally I am far more productive. However, I am still always thinking of him.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Before everybody jumps on the "you need therapy" wagon, I'd like to point out that: -I have quit smoking pot (1 month now, and I've had numerous opportunities... I really feel strongly that that part of my life is behind me) -I definitely don't qualify for an alcoholic anymore, either -I have been avoiding men like the plague -I work out to the point of drop-dead exhaustion so as not to think about this, so I'm really healthy In other words: I'm getting good at "dealing" with this (and other) stuff, on my own.
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 No, I don't think I need to be seeing a therapist. I don't think this crush is all in my head. I know there's a majority on this website of the belief that if he liked me, he'd have made a move, but I strongtly believe he's just not that kind of guy... the kind who'd be that kind of supervisor. Obviously, he doens't want to date me. But I can't help hoping that would change if I'd just get a transfer. I love him. I don't think I can fool myself into getting over him that simply, when I work so closely with him for 9 hours a day. I'm not saying you need to see a therapist, but you were seeing one before, which is why I asked. I just don't know if people on LS can give you the kind of advice you need. I'm also not saying this is in your head Spookie. But the point is I don't think it matters anymore if it is, or isn't. The outcome will most likely be the same either way. I'm not saying there's a magic bullet for getting over him. But you need to put yourself in survival mode where you do what you need to do to not feel so miserable. And it doesn't sound like you're doing that.
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Before everybody jumps on the "you need therapy" wagon, I'd like to point out that: -I have quit smoking pot (1 month now, and I've had numerous opportunities... I really feel strongly that that part of my life is behind me) -I definitely don't qualify for an alcoholic anymore, either -I have been avoiding men like the plague -I work out to the point of drop-dead exhaustion so as not to think about this, so I'm really healthy In other words: I'm getting good at "dealing" with this (and other) stuff, on my own. Therapy has little to do with any of the above behaviors. It is not just for "crazies" and addicts and it is not correlated with being unable to take care of yourself. That said, as a layperson, I am not presuming to say you need it. It's an investment only you can choose to make, one that I think could at the minimum help you investigate some strategies to regain some sense of control in the workplace, rather than this mixture of euphoria and dread that has been distracting you so much.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 I'm not saying you need to see a therapist, but you were seeing one before, which is why I asked. I just don't know if people on LS can give you the kind of advice you need. I'm also not saying this is in your head Spookie. But the point is I don't think it matters anymore if it is, or isn't. The outcome will most likely be the same either way. I'm not saying there's a magic bullet for getting over him. But you need to put yourself in survival mode where you do what you need to do to not feel so miserable. And it doesn't sound like you're doing that. Thanks, Isolde. Sorry I am got so defensive about the therapy thing; I'm just annoyed when people think it's a magic cure for all problems (obviously you are not one of those people). The thing is... I'm not miserable. I'm focused... on surviving the next however long it takes till he's no longer my boss. I've been getting my s!ht together, which I find a pretty satisfying process. There is a lot of s!ht. But I am getting so damned frustrating at waiting for my life to begin. Frustrated at working so hard, and feeling so little joy, even if there's tons of satisfaction. I'm not miserable. But I am sooooo ready to start being happy.
Citizen Erased Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I agree with everything you said her, but give me some credit, this is the first evening like this I've had in months. Normally I am far more productive. However, I am still always thinking of him. I am really glad to hear that, you made it sound like you're always sitting around moping. You're always thinking about him because you haven't given up hope of you guys being together. I doubt that you will let yourself do that until you have transferred and see what he does then...
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 But I am getting so damned frustrating at waiting for my life to begin. Frustrated at working so hard, and feeling so little joy, even if there's tons of satisfaction. I'm not miserable. But I am sooooo ready to start being happy. I understand this part. I think it comes along with the territory of being in your early twenties. Trying to establish a career and also meet people that may be meaningful to you. Things are very 'unsettled' at this point if that makes sense. It can be exhilarating but also very stressful. Important thing is, you're ready to be happy--so just focus on your strategy for getting there! Why would you let anyone get in the way of that? You know you won't
Rudderless Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I don't blame you, it must be tricky not to obsess over someone you see day in day out that you have a crush on. Though you'll probably look back in a few years and think wtf?
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Therapy has little to do with any of the above behaviors. It is not just for "crazies" and addicts and it is not correlated with being unable to take care of yourself. That said, as a layperson, I am not presuming to say you need it. It's an investment only you can choose to make, one that I think could at the minimum help you investigate some strategies to regain some sense of control in the workplace, rather than this mixture of euphoria and dread that has been distracting you so much. It's likely that I've lately been failing at my communication here on LS, cause I don't think "euphoria and dread" are the right words to describe my work situation... or kywords at all. I'm actually loving my job right now. "Jack" and I are working on an intense project together, so I finally feel like I'm getting nearly enough of him... Monday through Friday. The trouble is, I actually miss him when it's the weekend... which feeds the frustration. I know I could find another job. My resume looks pretty good right now, even for this market, and I have developed a lot of confidence in my own intelligence, creativity, and skills. But I really don't want to. After weighing the pros and cons, I am just going to ride it out until I get the transfer that, after the latest talk with HR and the latest raise and thank-you note, I have finally started to believe in. As I said, I just need to survive, to keep believing that if he likes me enough, like me, he will wait. If his continued single status is any indication, he's been waiting....
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 You're not failing in communication, there just seems to be a disconnect between the two things you express: 1) enjoyment of the job and 2) your feelings of despair over Jack. If you feel the enjoyment outweighs the stress of the crush, then just focus on that and don't even think about Jack as anything other than a boss, at least while you're waiting for a transfer. I don't want to oversimplify this situation, but that's the best advice I can give, given what you've told me.
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 I understand this part. I think it comes along with the territory of being in your early twenties. Trying to establish a career and also meet people that may be meaningful to you. Things are very 'unsettled' at this point if that makes sense. It can be exhilarating but also very stressful. Important thing is, you're ready to be happy--so just focus on your strategy for getting there! Why would you let anyone get in the way of that? You know you won't I'm focusing. Honestly, I've made some impressive progress. Maybe I just need to stop fantasizing about him so much. That's where most of the frustration comes from... not getting to do what I want to, so badly. If I didn't have such a good imagination, I'd probably have no idae what I'm missing.
Isolde Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 If I didn't have such a good imagination, I'd probably have no idae what I'm missing. I understand this too. It's a curse and a blessing to have a good imagination!
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 You're not failing in communication, there just seems to be a disconnect between the two things you express: 1) enjoyment of the job and 2) your feelings of despair over Jack. If you feel the enjoyment outweighs the stress of the crush, then just focus on that and don't even think about Jack as anything other than a boss, at least while you're waiting for a transfer. I don't want to oversimplify this situation, but that's the best advice I can give, given what you've told me. =) And I think that's exactly the reality check I was looking for. Thank you! It's so easy for me to get lost in my own mind, looping back and forth over the same territory, that oftentimes I forget how simple situations really are. I've already done everything I could. I let my feelings be known. I've asked, twice, for a transfer. At this point it's a waiting game. And I need to remember to do it in such a way that isn't exhausting.
pandagirl Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I'm focusing. Honestly, I've made some impressive progress. Maybe I just need to stop fantasizing about him so much. That's where most of the frustration comes from... not getting to do what I want to, so badly. If I didn't have such a good imagination, I'd probably have no idae what I'm missing. I am like you, or used to be like you. I fantasize, romanticize and put people up on this impossible pedestal. I trust that your boss IS a great guy and you aren't imagining things or making things up. But, I've learned that what's in my head, what my imagination tells me, what I daydream about are just STORIES I AM MAKING UP. It is not reality. Your reality, every day, is he is your boss and he is not making a move. That's it. And that's what you have to remind yourself of so you don't feel hopeless about your situation. It's sort of a Buddhist approach: the past is done, and any expectations we have is just fiction. Pay attention to reality.
stillafool Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 I have worked for him for one year. My feelings have not disappeared. He has been single the whole time I have known him, and still I think he likes me. I am pretty certain that I'm getting a transfer in January, February, or March. I can tell that our superiors like me a lot and feel sorry for me. But I have to survive that long first! With each passing day, it gets harder and harder. I'm soooooo horny all the time from being around him all day, it's impossible to concentrate. :sick: Words of wisdom or encouragement or advice would be appreciated. I'm sorry my brain is foggy this morning; but what are you asking?
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