georgejungle Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 not full on YELL matches, we're respectful enough to not go there. But just little Nit-Picky arguments/disagreements have become more and more like every two days or so lately. And the wife is the type to usually get quiet and turn herself off to me when once we've argued. She's very sensitive too and has a knack for taking things very personal. So there's usually no quick resolve. She will go to bed not talking to me and wake up not talking to me. That REALLY irritates me, but I deal with it. I would never give HER the silent treament though. I think it's stress and no sleep and a million things to do that cause the escalation of the tinyest little matters. Though, most of the arguments, i have to be honest, may be because of me; because of me saying something or saying the "wrong" thing and adding more "wrong" things to fix it and it's a downward spiral from there. NIN! But seriously, Maybe i'm being a little too much of an a-hole and stupid about little things so i say something, she gets mad, thinks i'm calling her a "bad Mom" or "Lazy" which she totally isn't at all, she's a great Mom, Great Wife, etc...But I should just shut up maybe. I don't know. i just feel like it's me most of the time, bringing something to light, she gets offended or I say something that she takes wrong, then i get mad that she's so sensitive, blah blah blah...
Thaddeus Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Sounds like a classic case of post-partum (sp?) blues. It's not her per se that's being difficult, nor is it you. It's a function of what's going on in her body right now with hormones and all the rest. Talk to her. Tell her that you love her deeply and will do whatever you can to make her life easier now that the baby has arrived. And follow through.
Lizzie60 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I agere with Thad.. it is most likely post-partum depression... I've had it.. and trust me.. it is very hard.. hormones go wild during pregnancy and after delivery... be patient.. most of all.. be loving.. it will pass... It's just as hard on her.. because she probably knows that she is overly sensitive.. but cannot control her mood at this time.. she must be extremely tired.. a baby is veerrrrry demanding... Don't forget.. SHE went through pregnancy (9 months) + delivery (which is stressful on the body AND extremely painful).. you just had the fun of making it..
GorillaTheater Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Here's a bit of additional advice I've learned over the past 25+ years: Never go to bed mad, either of you. Stress to her the importance of getting issues resolved, or at least calmly discussed, prior to going to sleep. Even if it's not an "issue" so much as it is about perceptions and feelings. I'll tell you, this is one of the best, most helpful bits of advice I ever got.
Author georgejungle Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I can Agree with the Post Partum, but i'd have to say the hormones probably push her Already-Sesitive-Nature over the edge of the cliff. And as patient and loving as i've been with her ever since we met 10 years ago, I find myself being insensitive to it as of late..Which I feel bad about as I type. I feel like an A-Hole because we just had an argument not 30 minutes ago over something stupid and if i think about it, it could have TOTALLY been avoided if i hadn't been dumb about it. It had to do with me changing baby's diaper and it was REALLY full, leaked out a little and me asking Wife how long ago she changed her?? which, had only been 2 hours, but the words didn't mix well with each other. i NEVER like to go to bed mad, but i can explain and take me time in explaining i'm sorry til i'm blue in the face before bed, but she can be very unresponsive to it, so I feel like i'm spinning my wheels and it bothers me all night long. I agree, SHE had the baby, SHE went thru the pregancy, SHE does a lot for me and baby. i need to chill out and just be more sensitive like i used to be.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I agree, SHE had the baby, SHE went thru the pregancy, SHE does a lot for me and baby. i need to chill out and just be more sensitive like i used to be. ok, as a woman i think that is a crap excuse. SHE and YOU decided to have this baby, yes it is a physical and emotional hell- but it is also one of the single most awesome things a only woman is capable of doing. so YOU should be jealous of her and she should feel superior, not bent out of shape because she birthed this child. but yes, help out as much as you can and as much as she will LET you.
Author georgejungle Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 ok, as a woman i think that is a crap excuse. SHE and YOU decided to have this baby, yes it is a physical and emotional hell- but it is also one of the single most awesome things a only woman is capable of doing. so YOU should be jealous of her and she should feel superior, not bent out of shape because she birthed this child. but yes, help out as much as you can and as much as she will LET you. you're a sassy gal, i like that I do think i tend to be a little insensitive though, which isn't my game at all...never has been. But I think lately i've just not wanted to deal with drama, but in turn, i make drama by saying something dumb.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 you're a sassy gal, i like that I do think i tend to be a little insensitive though, which isn't my game at all...never has been. But I think lately i've just not wanted to deal with drama, but in turn, i make drama by saying something dumb. the old damned if you do, damned if you don't..... i get you, and maybe right now (how old is baby?) it will just be that way- i do know that hormones are whacked out, your wife may feel she is the one that is principle care taker of the child, especially if she is breastfeeding...... and i kinda think that is what women/ mother want, but at the same time she is now no longer free to even eat onions and garlic- but you can. i think when baby is asleep and she and you have had some rest (ideally) maybe you two can talk... aka-you listening. maybe she just feels unappreciated- even though i am sure you have told her umteen million times..... does she let you do stuff with baby, like bath and dress, with out her being there? could she be taking on more than she should because she doesn't like how you fold towels or put the dishes away... etc.? then getting all resentful?
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