bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Just as I thought I was getting better! Haven't talked to my ex in 6 weeks now..he has emailed and texted but I haven't responded. Today he text's me, asking if he can come pick up the canoe I bought him for x-mas. It has been sitting at my parents house since christmas unused. We broke up in Feb and he would say he would come get it, but he never did. In July I sold it on Craigslist. We had stopped talking, and I was mad at him. Plus he would text me or call that he was going to come get it, (to break my NC) but he never would. So I sold it and went to Europe. Today of all days (and I WAS having a great day) he text's me telling me he is going to go pick it up, and he and his grandpa are going to the lake. **** **** ****. So I broke my NC and told him I sold it. He called my cell and I didn't answer. Then he called me at work. Basically, he verbally assaulted me. Told me I need to go get it, or pay him? I todl him no way. He never got it. He went on and on about how I didn't even call him..and then HE turned the conversation into he thought we were "working things out". I could have died. We haven't talked in 6 weeks and he was so flaky to me! He said he thought we were friends. I told him we certainly are not friends..I just started crying..him telling me he is getting treatment for multiple personality disorder..that he is sorry he was such a bad boyfriend, but I am being awful and I need to fix this. I could barely speak! And this was in front of my co-workers He basically turned everything around on me and said it's my fualt we didn't get back together because I wanted it to be "black or white' (meaning I wanted to be back together, or have NC). He said he wanted to take his time..and it's all my fualt. God I feel like #$it! He hung up on me, telling me to find his canoe.. I can't beleive he ruined my otherwise awesome week.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 You are a gorgeous girl. You were doing really well. Empower yourself. This dude is a selfish prick who doesn't know his arse from a hole in the ground. He only contacted you when it was convenient. See how selfish he is? All he wants is a flotation device. I would block his number. This dude is a serious asshat.
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Thank you for your kind words. I am just in total shock. I was head over heals for this guy. I did everything I could to get him back. I had to be the one to cut contact because he would be so flaky to me. Saying he wants to "wait and see" but his actions never met up with his words. He had the nerve to tell me that we can talk abot the R if I wanted, but I have to get the canoe first. Dangling a carrot in front of my face. I can't beleive how cruel he is. I admit I sold it without calling him for one last chance to get it..but we weren't even talking then, and he had recently really burned me. I feel guilty about selling it, but isn't he way out of line? He said I owe him the money.. that he should be able to get the gifts back that he gave me. I told him they were in a box, come and get them. He said no, I gave you money for Hawaii tickets (for both of us), and I owe it back. I used that money to buy him tickets (which cost much more than what he gave me) and I didn't get the money back from that. He told me i pressued him to go...blah blah, (even though he gave me the money with a map of Hawaii and a guidebook). I am just so hurt. I can't beleive after all this time he can just call me up and still make me cry and feel like a awful person. And then on top of it to say that he tried to make it work. He never tried. We would hang out, then he would fall off the face of the earth for weeks, leaving me broken hearted. I am just so devasted..I can't even go back to work for fear he will call me there or show up. Was I wrong? Should I have not sold it? He never took possesion..it's been sitting at my parents house for 8 months!
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I am just so hurt. I can't beleive after all this time he can just call me up and still make me cry and feel like a awful person. And then on top of it to say that he tried to make it work. He never tried. We would hang out, then he would fall off the face of the earth for weeks, leaving me broken hearted. I am just so devasted..I can't even go back to work for fear he will call me there or show up. Was I wrong? Should I have not sold it? He never took possesion..it's been sitting at my parents house for 8 months! No, you did nothing wrong. It may have been a gift. But he left it. 8 months bypasses any abandonement laws I know of. If you are afraid he will call work, you need to let your super know. So they can do something about. And I think you did right by selling it. Look, the dude is just pissed, because, like he did to you, he prolly made promises he couldn't keep, and now the canoe is gone, so he broke that promise to his dad. I wouldn't give this scumbag a red cent. You're too good for that.
moo Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Gosh, I'm sorry that happened. You write to your ex a lot in the coping forum (Post your letter here instead of contacting your ex). I know you have struggled with this break up. I'm sorry he was this way toward you. Try to be strong. You did nothing wrong. Some people are just so screwed up.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Gosh, I'm sorry that happened. You write to your ex a lot in the coping forum (Post your letter here instead of contacting your ex). I know you have struggled with this break up. I'm sorry he was this way toward you. Try to be strong. You did nothing wrong. Some people are just so screwed up. Agreed. Moo said it right. It's a terrible thing. But he is just being a dimwhit and a spiteful prick. Don't fall for it. You will remain steadfast and NOT be one of those women who gives in and gives the ex cash. Ignore his smoke signals. If he wanted you back he would have you. You are much better than this petty 5 year old bullsh*t he is pulling.
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 What did I get out of this? I realized that I was wrong. I was wrong to blame myself for the relationship ending. I did break up with him..and somewhere along the way I forgot why. Now I remember. Because he is crazy and verbally abusive. At least I don't have to question "what might have been". What would have happend is that I would have been miserable. More so than I am right now.
GrayClouds Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Give him the money for canoe, and tell him goodbye. You will feel superior and you dont have to think about it. A cheap way of taking controll.
kizik Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 He's an a$shole. Plain and simple. Trying to tear you down b/c he basically knew he could. BW, please don't respond to him anymore, about anything. I know you have been doing NC really well now, and broke it b/c it was a logistical / financial issue. Now you know the kind of spite he's capable of (if you didn't before). He's an angry little boy and he took it out on you b/c he knew you'd respond and get upset. As long as you are in contact, he will affect you. I could email my ex right now asking about anything - and it's been 18 months since we split - and if she responded in a certain way, it would STILL f*ck me up. So stay NC, no matter what kind of bait he gives you, b/c you are not going to be able to keep his devious little ways from affecting you. -kiz
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I just got this email at work "I am truly sorry I hurt your feelings. And I get why you are/were angry. Do you understand where I'm coming from? When people ask about you I have nothing but good to say about you. There are people who hold you in the highest regard that always ask about you and ask if we are getting back together. My friends and family have always loved you. Just thought you should know that. tb" I didnt respond. Kizik thank you. As sad as it sounds I was really hoping you would post, and you did. I hate the feeling that I thought I was doing so good, and he can just bring me right back down. It made me feel incredibly pathetic. I will keep NC. I won't respond. I am just going to drink this whole red bull sitting right here and and organize my underwear drawer.
GrayClouds Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 In July I sold it on Craigslist. We had stopped talking, and I was mad at him. Plus he would text me or call that he was going to come get it, (to break my NC) but he never would. So I sold it and went to Europe. . The guy is a jerk but even in your own words, you were being a bit vindictive. It was a gift. He could do what he wanted with it. And I bet deep down inside sell it and going on a trip did feel like you were getting back at him and creating future drama. Again he is a jerk. Though he didn't break the NC, you did. Only you can break your NC. he can text and call you don't have to respond, by responding your breaking the your NC. IMO, he is a jerk but be the better, give him the money. Then move on with NC. Its a cheap way to feel superior and get him out of your life.
kizik Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Kizik thank you. As sad as it sounds I was really hoping you would post, and you did. I hate the feeling that I thought I was doing so good, and he can just bring me right back down. It made me feel incredibly pathetic. There is something that I used to say to a user on here, who still occasionally posts. Her name is sunshinegirl, you may have seen her around. She was always upset with herself for not being "over" her ex yet. She felt like a fool. Stupid for caring about someone who seemed to not care about her. I used to tell her that loving someone is not a crime. It is not wrong. It is beautiful and one of the most selfless things one can do. There is nothing wrong with feeling devastated, depressed, angry, hurt, miserable, alone. The fact that you have the capacity to care and love and be involved and REALLY want to make things work, is a fantastic, amazing thing. Not everyone is capable of such commitment. My ex certainly wasn't. I will keep NC. I won't respond. I am just going to drink this whole red bull sitting right here and and organize my underwear drawer. Now THAT sounds like a nice, relaxing Friday. Pay attention to the people in this life who build you UP. Ignore the ones that drag you down.
Beeotch Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 That man is disturbed....don't allow a disturbed individual to disturb you. That is how I view my ex. He has issues (not a personality disorder) but many unresolved issues that make him act in ridiculous ways...I used to get upset but now all I do is shake my head... Yea I know you're still a human and it can be infuriating and upsetting but you just have to shake it off and realize that in the end HE STILL HAS ISSUES....and he is being silly and continue ignoring him and his ridiculous ways.
moo Posted August 22, 2009 Posted August 22, 2009 There is something that I used to say to a user on here, who still occasionally posts. Her name is sunshinegirl, you may have seen her around. She was always upset with herself for not being "over" her ex yet. She felt like a fool. Stupid for caring about someone who seemed to not care about her. I used to tell her that loving someone is not a crime. It is not wrong. It is beautiful and one of the most selfless things one can do. There is nothing wrong with feeling devastated, depressed, angry, hurt, miserable, alone. The fact that you have the capacity to care and love and be involved and REALLY want to make things work, is a fantastic, amazing thing. Not everyone is capable of such commitment. My ex certainly wasn't. Now THAT sounds like a nice, relaxing Friday. Pay attention to the people in this life who build you UP. Ignore the ones that drag you down. many times my ex built me up with words, but he tore me down with his actions. I'm trying to stay NC. It's hard. But I'm hanging in there.
Author bluewolf17 Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Yes Moo, Many times my ex did the same thing. Made me feel there was somthing, to find it meant nothing He sent me what he calls "one last text" tonight. He said for the first time, he would do what was best for me, and leave me alone. I hope he keeps his promise.
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