vee6winks Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Hello, For some unknown reason I broke NC yesterday and today. It had been almost two months since I spoke to my ex bf. Yesterday I was nothing but a crying boob. And today - I thought I could redeem myself by calling and apologizing for being a crying boob. Today though went a little different than I anticipated and now I am left wondering. I am going to list out the what was said during our call: * During our conversation my ex told me he still thinks about me everyday and he started to cry - several times. * He also told me he loves his new gf (only been together about 2 months - he started dating her days before he dumped me) * He said new gf was "awesome" and that his relationship with her was different. * When I told him about my new boyfriend (which I conviently made up to not sound so much like a loser) he started asking 20 questions about who he was, how we met, etc. I politely said - I have not asked any questions about your new gf - i think its best if we dont know. * He said he still loved me. * Before we broke up...(i should have seen it coming) he said he was having dreams that we broke up and I was marrying someone new and he came and broke up the wedding. I mentioned this and he very quickly said...why are you getting married? I said - maybe - why would it make a difference and he got all choked up. I had to go to work.. and our conversation ended. It ended a little weird... What should I make of all this? Is it nothing? Help. I should never have broken NC cause all it did was supply me with misguided hope...
bluewolf17 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Hi, To answer your question, you should do nothing. He has a new girlfriend, and that speaks louder than anything. I can't tell you how true the following statment is "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS". When I first came to this site I had many (very gracious and patient) people tell me this, and I didn't want to beleive it. But it's true. If he truly still loved you (they way you want him to) he would drop that girlfriend and be at your door. But he's not. He's choosing to stay with her, regardless of what he tells you on the phone. Does he miss you? Probably misses certain things. Does he still love you? Maybe, but not enough to want to be with you again. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to see that everytime you contact him, you are setting yourself back. Your only hurting yourself. Don't make the same mistake that I made. Don't drag this break up out longer than it needs to be. You will regret it. Start letting go now. Forgive him for the hurt you feel, and forgive yourself too. Just stop contacting him. Trust me, if he wanted to be back with you, he would make it so obvious. You won't have to decipher code, or read between the lines. Until then, just move on.
Author vee6winks Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Not harsh at all. Very nicely put and so true and I know this. I am very disappointed in myself that I actually called. I wanted to not give him that satisfaction. Now he has it. But I've always thought though that I'd rather be a fool for expressing my feelings than a fool for never saying what I need to say. So even though I feel like a "boob" I have my answer. The only thing I can do is move on and not give him the satisfaction again and hopefully look great if and when I ever run into him in public. Is it bad that I secretly wish his new relationship fails?
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Not harsh at all. Very nicely put and so true and I know this. I am very disappointed in myself that I actually called. I wanted to not give him that satisfaction. Now he has it. But I've always thought though that I'd rather be a fool for expressing my feelings than a fool for never saying what I need to say. So even though I feel like a "boob" I have my answer. The only thing I can do is move on and not give him the satisfaction again and hopefully look great if and when I ever run into him in public. Is it bad that I secretly wish his new relationship fails? It will. It's a rebound. Most of them do. ANd most of the time, the dumpee feels that way anyway. It's natural.
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 HI broke NC. Now what? Now you learned how important NC is for your well-being.
Beeotch Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I don't know what to make of it...except to say it is CONFUSING! That's what happens....you have confusing, wishy-washy conversations. A lot of times these people aren't manipulative, evil. cold-hearted and calculating...but they are humans just like us with feelings who sometimes are confusing, who sometimes change their mind, who are unsure etc. But at the end of the day, it doesn't help anything. Until someone is certain about what they want all it does is open the door for more questions, confusion and hurt. I broke NC yesterday and called my ex...he was sleepy and we didn't speak except for about 5 seconds and oddly enough that 5 seconds...CHANGED MY LIFE! He didn't say much of anything but it did make me realize that NOTHING CHANGED....and that I didn't have time for him and that I don't care if he secretly loves me or still likes me or whatever....just as I was certain about my feelings and made it CLEAR. I need a man who will do the same. So until then....seeeeeeeee ya! He told me to feel free to call him and I will NOT be taking him up on this invitation.
Author vee6winks Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 It will. It's a rebound. Most of them do. ANd most of the time, the dumpee feels that way anyway. It's natural. You really think so? I dont know why it matters...but it does.
stillafool Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Hello, * During our conversation my ex told me he still thinks about me everyday and he started to cry - several times. He probably does miss things about you and you have to remember he didn't just break up with a lover but a friend also. He is bound to miss that connection too. * He also told me he loves his new gf (only been together about 2 months - he started dating her days before he dumped me) This speaks volumes that he told you he loves his gf. That should let you know how strong his feelings are for her. * He said new gf was "awesome" and that his relationship with her was different. It sounds like he is happy with her and at this early stage of their relationship he is bound to compare the two and I'm sure there must be things he misses about you. * When I told him about my new boyfriend (which I conviently made up to not sound so much like a loser) he started asking 20 questions about who he was, how we met, etc. I politely said - I have not asked any questions about your new gf - i think its best if we dont know. I guess I understand but really don't know why you lied about having a bf. It just doesn't pay to play games you end up being the one hurt behind them. * He said he still loved me. I'm sure he does as you are probably an awesome person, but did he say he was still 'in love' with you? * Before we broke up...(i should have seen it coming) he said he was having dreams that we broke up and I was marrying someone new and he came and broke up the wedding. I mentioned this and he very quickly said...why are you getting married? I said - maybe - why would it make a difference and he got all choked up. Wouldn't you be shocked if you thought he was going to get married so soon after your breakup? Don't try to read more into his words than he has said. Just go by what he is saying and take it as truth. Don't call him again. I hope you find someone else to love real soon.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Agreed. Only pay attention to one thing- YOU STILL AREN'T WITH HIM.
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