Should I read anything into this???

[perseveranceprevails]

Hi All

 

Firstly this is my first posting, and I have been an avid reader for months trying to get advice and learning from others, but my time has come to post and i'll make a long story short as possible in the hope someone can advise - of which I will so much appreciate.

 

The story.......

 

• My wife wanted a divorce September last year, we had been together 10 years, married 7 and in our early 30's. No kids
  
• Reason for her wanting divorce, she said she wanted her independence and she had feelings for someone she worked with.
  
• Looking back over the years I feel i was an idiot but guess it was some of the case that I was growing up and very stupid and childish at times.
  
• I Never cheated on her and loved her to bits at all times.
  
• Divorce went officially through May this year, I initiated it on the grounds of the man she was seeing, of which reluctantly they both agreed and signed the papers. She did not like the fact I put his name down on the divorce papers.
  
• For a while she was still living in the marital home going away to stay with him during the week and coming home at weekends. I asked her if she felt this was fair, told her i would not kick her out but to think about it, in December she moved into a flat of which I helped move all her stuff and gave her everything she needed.
  
• Have gone NC for 6-8weeks at a time then I'll sms her to see if she is ok and she replies, and she has said she would like to remain friends.
  
• During the divorce we had several phone calls lasting hours talking about work and catching up (this is not normal??)
  

Sent her a text a month ago saying hi and be good to meet up if she wanted to soon. HAD no reply for over two weeks then she called me and were talking for over 1 hour and a half, after this I felt there was no real need to meet up as we spoke alot on the phone until she asked for me to call her in a few weeks as she is not busy and would like to meet up for something to eat. Was due to call back a few days ago, but as it is my b'day in a few days and our wedding anniversary just after and I want to see if she makes contact - maybe the wrong thing to do??

 

Other info

She lives with the man on and off as I beliveve she does not want to live with him straight away

Sent her a birthday card a few months ago

Her decision for a divorce had me on my knees but did not floor me as over time I've built myself back up, difficult as it was.

During the divorce I refrained at all times from losing it and getting angry and wanting to see the other guy and say and do what for etc.... - I think she expected me to snap and go on the war path, but glad to say i did not.

Court awarded me some small money from divorce but donated it to charity as I did not feel right having anything to do with the money.

I've now being seeing someone for 5 months and am quite happy with life so early on

 

So what am i asking??

 

Should i contact her in a few weeks to meet up, should I read anything into it.

 

Thanks very much for reading, again hope some of you can advise

[silic0ntoad]

If everything is split, I'd say to hell with her. Cut her off as she did to you. This woman doesn't deserve your attention- she broke sacred vows, and is now with another man. Stay the course and only contact her about children if necessary.

[Ronni_W]

Should i contact her in a few weeks to meet up

It really depends on what you want to achieve by staying in contact with her and occasionally meeting up.

 

What do you hope to accomplish by doing that?

 

You could read into it that you have become her 'security blanket', or something to do when she's bored, or someone to talk with when she needs to talk about whatever.

Probably she (still) trusts you and likes you as a person...but that is not going to turn into romantic feelings just because you guys can do hours-long conversations.

 

In terms of reading into it that you've got a shot at a 'second chance'...there's nothing in your post to suggest that, really. I still like my ex as a person, and I'm sure we could happily spend a day together. But that sure as hell don't mean anything as far as romance is concerned!

[001bh]

Seems like she was pretty immature to do that to you. If you were dating it's one thing but to break it off because she wanted to be with someone else while you were married? That's f*&%ed up! I'm not religious in any way but marriage is like a contract that two people vowed to keep no matter what. Isn't that why we get married in the first place? This is why I'm waiting until my 30s before I try anything. It seems that most women under 30 aren't really mature enough to understand that you should be fully mature enough to love someone until they die. I say cut her loose. Tell her to get out of your life because she did you the ultimate disservice. You're just beating yourself up if you don't.