Things, they are a-changin'

[joseffrost]

Well, it's been about two and a half months since my ex left me now, and anyone who has read any of my old stories will know that I was in a bad way for a long time - no sleep, barely eating, drinking far too much - basically one stop short of a nervous breakdown.

 

I read all the advocates of NC and tried to convince myself that my situation was different, that if I just kept in touch with her then it would all be ok and she'd come to realise that we were meant to be together. Predictably, every time I contacted her, it pushed me further into the abyss.

 

Now it's been over a month NC - I last contacted her to say congrats on her graduation, and two days later she couldn't even be bothered to ask me how my exam results went. I've started to see her actions as pathetic rather than hurtful - I feel sorry for someone who can't let unconditional love into their life.

 

I've noticed that I've been spending more and more time on the 'other' boards of this site, rather than the 'breaking up, reconciliation and coping' section. My social life is back on track, I'm more creative than ever with my songs and I'm enjoying life out of the confines of a relationship - my future is mine again.

 

I know this is a rather long, self-congratulating rant, but I hope that it will give others the hope to get through the dark days. I genuinely have never felt as bad as I did in June, but now life is looking up. Just remember, if they don't want you, you don't need them.

[silic0ntoad]

Good for you, bro. That's excellent news.

 

My situation still haunts me- I have gone on a few dates, been out almost every night with friends... Done basically everything. We are going on 3 months of NC here...

 

 

But it's still difficult.

[joseffrost]

I really do know how you're feeling man, but I found with me that I had convinced myself that things were so bad that I was holding myself back. When I finally took a step back and thought about things, I realised that things were going to be fine.

 

You'll get there, I know it.

[phoenix1]

Thanks for the update and the inspiration. It's hard to believe I can be there, but I know I will. You statements will help me get through another day of no contact.

[caramel c]

Way to go dude, and thank you.

[bluewolf17]

Hey JF,

 

Thanks for the post! I am in the same boat. I use to be on the break up and coping board all day for what seemed like months. Now..I mostly just give advice to others.

 

And I am spending a lot more time in other sections of LS. When I first came to LS, I would read about other posters who were starting to feel better, and moving on. At that time, I thought that I didn't want to feel that way. I didn't want to move on. I wanted my crappy relationship back.

 

Now I see that was just me avoiding change. Things are SO much better now. I don't have to worry about him, I don't have to take care of him. I don't fear him calling me at work and screaming at me over little things (like taking a girls trip to Vegas).

 

I am very happy you have found peace, and I am even more happy to tell others that they will find it too.

[Taucher]

Well done that man!

 

I was JUST like you, no sleep, drinking too much. I now have gone a week and a half without a drink (the longest I have gone since she left but I am going out tonight! Oh yes.)

 

Anyway, thanks for the post. Thing is, I think I am close behind you in terms of moving on. I have just started to feel better about things and am acting more sensibly. I have even noticed an increase in my social life (both quantity and quality).

 

I have not initiated contact with her for 2 months though, so that helps me I think. Still up and down emotionally though.

 

So I just want to say that moving on is kind of inevitable for 99% of people. It just happens, whether you think it will or not. I'm getting there!

 

Take care

 

T

[angelface78]

That's awesome!! I hope to be there someday...you inspire all of us to keep going!

[Beeotch]

I know the feeling. It is great. I am not 100% whole but there is a big change between earlier this week and today and I feel I am on an upward path. I posted this in another thread last night :

 

So tonight I did the unthinkable and phoned up my ex at 2 am....mind you he has a gf...but I know she doesn't live with him and it was an impulse anyway, I was like whatever....he can answer or not I just have to.

 

I saw him online on Twitter (went to his page....I just gave into the urge ) and saw him comment about" sorry for not being your 1st in anything, was I supposed to be boring before you?" and I suppose he was commenting about his gf. Then I saw he had made a comment about a minute earlier...so he was online.

 

Anyway I just got controlled by the urge and asked him if he was alive and he replied and then said he was so sleepy he was typing foolishness...then I asked if I could call him (yes people )...didn't wait for the reply but did anyway. I guess he replied saying "Feel free to call during regular non-late calling hours" and then said he was about to try to sleep and if not he would be tweeting from his fone.

 

I called him BEFORE seeing those and he sounded sleepy and almost as if he didn't want to talk to me...but I know how he is when he is sleepy so it could not have meant anything negative except he was actually sleepy.

 

ANYWAY....the point was, I got of the phone at first feeling bad like OMG he truly doesn't love me anymore because even if he is tired since we haven't spoken in a while he should be HAPPY to hear from me .....I felt like I was rejected. Then when I saw the message about non-late calling hours I started thinking ohh well makes sense he has a girl now, that would be rude, I guess he is trying to say it in a nice way then I also thought, well he would normally go to bed early anyway when we first used to talk so 2 am is a bit late and he might not have meant anything....then I also thought you know what he is not simply rebounding and pretending but has truly lost all love for me and views me as another girl....and ofcourse that comment he made implying sexual stuff about his new girl also stung as I thought he MUST KNOW I can see it and doesn't even care....

 

 

In any case...now I am oddly relieved. It is theeee strangest thing! At first I felt bad like OMG this is it...the final nail in the coffin then I started feeling relieved almost like I truly got closure. I suddenly feel disgusted aand annoyed by him....like what did I see in him? He is not that great esp if he is so fickle.....I suddenly felt like I COULD GO ON...that the future is BRIGHT! That I can and will find a man who finds me to be the most beautiful woman ever and who is not fickle and ever-changing about it....

 

I suddenly remember all his flaws and issues and the insanity I would not have to deal with...I also started to think that this poor girl...who he already seems peeved with, she will probably be in my previous position of heartbreak very soon.

 

I do not know why or care...but I am EMBRACING this new feeling of acceptance and relief and like the monkey has gone off my back. I do not plan to "feel free" to call him...that call was enough, I have nothing else to say really. I also plan to truly stop looking at his pages and to MOVE FORWARD. My college also starts back next week and I am looking forward to diving in and planning my future (this is my senior year) and leaving him and his memories, issues and fickleness behind. I truly hope this feeling lasts and it isn't a high/low thing. I feel that it will last though....thank God for answering my prayer.

 

It feels great...I am smilllling!

 

But all of a sudden I feel I have my POWER back. I feel beautiful and flawless.

 

I feel like I know I am gorgeous and intelligent and an excellent catch and I know he thought so too...if she is a rebound or not...it matters not anymore and she has nothing OVER me....if he truly likes her, so be it. It doesn't take away from me...as truthfully he is NOT the best thing since. I have lots of issues with him and that is what also lead to our break up so in some ways I would have broken up with him anyway, but he did it before I could.

 

I no longer feel betrayed and victimized but like....it would have eventually ended anyway!

 

If he has lower standards, if he can't keep up, if I am much to stable for him....soooo be it! That is not my fault.

 

He can have his delusions and wayward lifestyle...while I have my own fabulous life. I am DONE wondering about him and I think I will go ahead and flirt around and not wait for him to "wise up".....