livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Hello everyone My partner of 6 years whom we have a 3 1/2 yr old child together has told me 14 days ago she doesnt love me any more hasnt for a while and could never see herself loving me again and wants to get her own place and get a carreer or training, Im in limbo at the moment and dont think I understand this all properly got no friends around no support I keep believing shes confused and she will see sense but deep down I fear that what she said is what she means Im absolutely devasted as Iv lost the family unit they I believed so much in really wanted my daughter to be raised in a family can anyone advise me anyone been through this? anyone going through this? Im going crazy and not dealing with this good at all
sb129 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Sorry to hear about your situation. It feels like the end of the world- but it isn't, even though it may take you some time to see that. Being with someone that doesn't love you is soul destroying, and she is doing you a favour by setting you both free to be with people who love you. You need to concentrate on the practical things, like where will you both live, and focus on your daughter- this will be a tough time for her too and she needs you. I don't suppose your partner would consider couples counselling just to see if its worth a shot before calling it a day for good?
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 I asked her if we cud have a break work on our problems counciling whatever nesesary with no faulse hopes at the end of it to see if we can salvage a family she doesnt want to even try that cant make any sense of it! then on the other hand her mom is saying let her hav her space and she will start to miss me the mom says she thinks shes going through a needs her own space time
sb129 Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 well thats all well and good but you have a daughter to think of who is at an age where this kind of disruption can seriously affect her. Take charge.
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 How should i take charge im seriously confused at the moment your advice is very welcome
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 she is my number 1 priority but at the moment im just incapable of doing anything
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 How can I get my self in gear
Funky Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Man I feel your pain, but yours is even on a higher level then me. I've recently been dumped by my gf and she had a 5 year old. We had been together for 2 1/2 years and we were trying to extend our family. She pretty much stated the same things as you. She doesn't love me anymore because of blah blah blah... In my opinion you can't keep things inside and expect the other person to figure it out, but that's another thread. I've been having a lot of difficulty dealing with it all and living in the same house doesn't help either. She is always out and about, getting drunk and stuff and it stresses me out so much. I've been trying to just NC and that's proven to be really hard. I've considered trying to just go on a date but can't see myself doing that, I'm not ready. I think that the best thing to do would be to do activities with your daughter and when your not with her to keep busy. Gym, walks, running, etc...
Funky Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 and I hate how I'm always singing to myself... I CAN'T LIVEEEEEEEEEEE! CUZ LIVING IS WITHOUT YOU!!!! man as if I wasn't sad enough, now I'm sad for you, be strong man, things will work out for the best... 1
HBJen Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 From a woman's perspective - I am in the exact same boat - its just so hard. I cant understand it all - and I want to say its going to be easier - but its been almost 3 weeks for me and I am still not really coping with it all. I guess the one thing to do, is try and listen to your head and not your heart - I havent gotten to that point yet, but I am trying to - and as much as I love him, cherish him, miss him, long for him - I keep telling myself over and over that obviously he doesnt feel the same, so why should I? Its not working yet, but I assume it will. Someone told me this morning that I spent the past 2 years putting his every need before mine - and even now, its like I believe my happiness lays in what I can do for him, not what I can do for myself. Maybe its time we start trying to figure out other things that make us happy.
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Strange things happen ???? Got a msg in my mail saying she woke up this morning and thought what is she doing and says she loves me always has always will and could never shut her heart to me even if she wanted to but she wants a break so we can resolve our issues ill take this with caution the more i think about it she also says her anger has bieen blinding her ??????
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Strange things happen ???? Got a msg in my mail saying she woke up this morning and thought what is she doing and says she loves me always has always will and could never shut her heart to me even if she wanted to but she wants a break so we can resolve our issues ill take this with caution the more i think about it she also says her anger has bieen blinding her ?????? You have no choice but to take her word for it. Give it some time. You need to play your cards right because the relationship is crumbling. Everything has only one way to go- down. Be calm and cautious. Play it cool. Try to reflect on your issues. Don't say you'll change them. Do it.
hopesndreams Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 Strange things happen ???? Got a msg in my mail saying she woke up this morning and thought what is she doing and says she loves me always has always will and could never shut her heart to me even if she wanted to but she wants a break so we can resolve our issues ill take this with caution the more i think about it she also says her anger has bieen blinding her ?????? Sounds as though there will fun times ahead for you but you can put a stop to it right now. She is putting you on the back burner until things are set in place for the other that is in her life. Don't give her the chance to set things up. Tell her she can go, help pack her bags. It will go against everything you want to do as in begging and pleading. Do not beg and plead. Show her life goes on without her. The more you work at trying to bring her back to you, the more it will push her away further. 1
Author livingnightmare Posted August 21, 2009 Author Posted August 21, 2009 Sounds as though there will fun times ahead for you but you can put a stop to it right now. She is putting you on the back burner until things are set in place for the other that is in her life. Don't give her the chance to set things up. Tell her she can go, help pack her bags. It will go against everything you want to do as in begging and pleading. Do not beg and plead. Show her life goes on without her. The more you work at trying to bring her back to you, the more it will push her away further. What do u mean fun times ahead? backburner? dont understand? the other? set things up?
moo Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 I think a therapist can help your sort things out. Sorry you are in pain.
silic0ntoad Posted August 21, 2009 Posted August 21, 2009 What do u mean fun times ahead? backburner? dont understand? the other? set things up? Right now she is putting you and her on the back burner to do some reflection on herself. To ME it doesn't sound like another guy. Breathe. Just take it a day at a time. Keep her at arms length and don't overreact.
Author livingnightmare Posted August 22, 2009 Author Posted August 22, 2009 Ok well she dropped the daughter of to me last night and we had a very brief chat! I said what i felt but very carefully and said it so I know the rules of this break up to not push her or hurt myself she said she definately wants us to work but needs her space to improve herself she has assured me that the commitment to not see anyone else is there and is not looking or has anyone else in her life! She says she wants to keep contact only about our daughter for the time being and when she feels it is right we will be together the thought of that no contact apart from to do with our daughter makes me think maybe she thinks it will be easier to break up this way and my feelings will change over time but i told her that my feelings wont change over time and she re assured me that that is not the case! because of the following weeks trauma Im feeling trust and self esteem issues even though her mother 2 has assured me shes been under alot of strain and once she gets her own place sorted we will be back 2gether I do hope this is true! but feel very cautious! Any advice on what i should do ?
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